Fear of something happening to my child.

[Beauchamp]

I was recently reading old threads here on MDC and one referred to a *horrible* story of something that happened to a little boy being lured away from his mother (back in the mid 90's). The story did *not* end well. And why OH WHY did I have to google the little boy's name and read the details?

This story has been haunting me. I keep kissing my DD and crying. I can't imagine if someone ever got her away from me, and she was crying for me. The idea of her being in pain and scared and me not able to get to her....unfathomable. And yet, I can't stop my brain from thinking about it.

I know statistically things like this are rare. And yet.

How do you deal with this? DH and I used to watch shows like Law & Order SVU before DD was born, and now I just absolutely cannot. DH just tells me to watch some fluff TV to get my mind off it, but I can't seem to. Maybe because this story is so fresh in my mind.

How do you deal with this?!? I know I could see a therapist or someone to talk to about this, but I really need some faster response, from some real parents. Is it normal to worry like this? I hope it's a little to do with pregnancy hormones. I just love my little one so darn much, and I feel like I am nearly on the edge of worrying so much that it affects my daily life. Every time I buckle her car seat I am concerned it's not tight enough. I worry about crowds. I watch people around us to see if anyone seems like trouble. I worry that I will not be strong enough to protect her, that someone or something will hurt her...especially after reading/hearing horrible stories like the one I read yesterday.

She's so little yet, and doesn't understand concepts about bad or tricky people.

Help? Thoughts?

[Thalia the Muse]

Some of it's definitely pregnancy hormones! I know that for the first year of my daughter's life, I couldn't watch or read ANYTHING with a child in any kind of jeopardy or I'd start sobbing. But also, I think avoiding pop culture and scare stories dealing with this would be a good idea. Of all the dangers in the world, stranger abduction is SUCH an unlikely one, it's not helpful or productive to feel so anxious about it. If it gets worse or doesn't abate when your baby is born, maybe think about a short course of cognitive behavioral therapy? This is exactly the type of problem that CBT is super-effective in treating.

[MacKinnon]

Oh Mama, first pregnancy hormones cause me to worry a lot. I told my DH that I don't think we can have another due to my intense worrying when I'm pregnant. It keeps me up at night. My worrying tends to focus on physiological things that could happen to my kids- cancers in particular, and things related to my pregancy but I do often worry about kidnapping, home invasion, etc. as well.  I can't watch anything that is remotely focused on "scary things" like Law & Order, etc. but also things like Gray's Anatomy.

However, when worrying begins to effect your functioning, or your life with your family and your other daughter, I personally think it's probably time to talk with someone about it. Increased worrying is normal, but anxiety that effects your functioning with your family is not. I've always felt I had to watch that boundry line. It's normal to be worried about getting the car seat right, but not normal to stay home because of what could happen. You know?

I also think that this is kind of scary time, I've been very restlessly anxious lately, the news in the middle east, the political unrest in the US, and now the earthquake and tsunmai, we live in a small town on the outskirts of suburbia and had a gun man on the loose last night, it just seems, well... like the world is in a lot of turmoil. And I think most mothers have that desire to pull our children in close and keep them safe at hand.

[Thalia the Muse]

I think all times have been scary times. I don't know that it's every been easy. I do think that we are bombarded with more scary information than we ever have in the past - 100 years ago, we wouldn't have any idea that there had been an earthquake in Japan right now, we wouldn't see news footage of unrest in the Middle East, and we wouldn't hear about a bad thing happening to a child in another city, 15 years ago, and have the details pushed in our faces.

[woodchick]

Mama, get thee to a bookstore or Amazon and get a copy of Gavin deBecker's "Protecting the Gift". It might make you feel a little better.  I found it to be a tremendously empowering book.

Also, stop watching the news!  Get the headlines from cnn.com, but give up the sensationalized broadcasts.

[Beauchamp]

It's also hard when things hit close to home-- re: the car seat buckling...the other night as I was putting DD to bed, we heard very loud sirens and helicopter sounds. Just around the corner from us is a very busy road. We live in a small military town, so it's one of the main drags, where people regularly go over the speed limit. I came out of DD's room after she was in bed, and DH says "Someone's gotta be dead and it's probably a serious accident. The life flight helicopter came and went several times." So, of course, I look up the story on our local city website. A young guy in a pickup crossed the center line while driving home from a local bar and hit a young mama and her daughter (5yo) head on. Both cars were totaled. The little girl and the other driver were life flighted to the big hospital an hour away. The mama was driven via ambulance to the local hospital 10 mins away. (Talk about CRAZY being separated from your kid!) In the end, no one died, though thank GOD.

But every. single. time. I drive over that bridge where it happened, or anywhere on that road in general, I feel like I am super alert and aware, and worried. There are a lot of young soldiers that live in this area who frequent many of the local clubs and then drive home. How scary! Aside from the fact that there are always crazy deer streaking across that road (we've had to hit the brakes several times to avoid them)....it's not that I am unable to leave the house with DD....but GAH!

I pray a lot of this is hormones. Not that I will ever stop worrying about her. It's the part where I picture harm coming to her that bothers me. It's irrational to think this way, but my mind jumps to worst case scenario images of someone hurting her, and her crying out for me in pain. This is all based on images in my head from things I've seen on the news, TV shows, stories, etc. So nothing "real" in terms of actual threats to me or my family. It's just that I would give anything to keep that little smile on her face for the rest of her life.

[jksmith]

definitely hormones.... I had stop watching the news when I was PG

[Dr.Worm]

Originally Posted by woodchick 

Mama, get thee to a bookstore or Amazon and get a copy of Gavin deBecker's "Protecting the Gift". It might make you feel a little better.  I found it to be a tremendously empowering book.

Also, stop watching the news!  Get the headlines from cnn.com, but give up the sensationalized broadcasts.

Yes, get that book asap, it is AWESOME.
 

[goinggreengirl]

Originally Posted by Dr.Worm 

Yes, get that book asap, it is AWESOME.
 

[marinak1977]

I am the same way. Any time I hear about any occasion in which a young child was hurt, especially maliciously and on purpose I want to cry because I immediately think of that child being so defenseless and so much like DS. The only thing that helps is to consciously think about all the good things and good people in the world and to hope and pray to the universe that my DS has a long and happy life surrounded by love. And vow to do my best to keep him safe in this world.
But I still read those stories - it makes me remember and weep for those children, and to keep perspective on what truly matters in this world. Maybe someday I can give back and help keep another child safe.