I want freedom. Tell me what to do.

[maptome]

DD is 20 months.  We cosleep. DD sleeps very little without me.  I hate lying in bed awake, not being able to get anything done.  It is making me miserable.  DP doesn't currently help with nighttime parenting, not by his choice.

If DD's not sick/teething, she'll wake up every 2-3 hours, sit up and feel for my boob.  Sometimes she latches on and falls asleep on me.  Sometimes she wakes me up; I pick her up and nurse her; and put her back down.  Rarely, she will just feel for my boob and fall back asleep.  If I'm not there, she will sit and cry until I come, or she will get out of bed and try to leave the room.  She will sleep for 11-12 hours as long as I am next to her nursing her and pretending to sleep.

Bedtime routine

Bath, stories, nurse, and then she wants to touch my nipple until she falls asleep.

Naps:

I nurse her.  She touches my nipple until she falls asleep. I sneak away.  When she awakes, she crawls out of bed and leaves the room herself.

Here's the time I can be away from her.  About 30 min - 1 hour after I put her to bed.  About 30m-1h before she wakes up in the morning.  Nap.  She naps about an hour, so she needs to sleep at least 11 hours at night.

How can I get her to sleep longer stretches?  Do I need to nightwean? How?  Do I need to teach her to sleep by herself? How?  Any advice at all is much appreciated.

[tavamom]

That's about the age we moved our boys to their own beds.  With DS1, that meant his own room and nursing him to sleep in his bed.  He was about 22 months at the time and was excited about his "big boy bed."  With DS2, he was 18 months and we put the toddler bed right next to our bed, I nursed him to sleep and got up.

DS1 was much more attached to the comfort of nursing and was harder to get to sleep alone and we spent a much longer time with me waking multiple times in the night to nurse/tuck him in.  DS2 was much easier to get to sleep without my boob in/near his face.

The trick I used was to sing them to sleep while nursing.  I was also nursing them until they were asleep, which is a little different than what you're doing.  I slowly reduced the amount of time I would nurse once they began drifting off until I was done before they were asleep, all the while singing and petting them.  The first few nights they were taken off the breast before they were asleep, they would fuss or cry or even throw a fit, but after just a few days, they get used to it.  For you, that same gameplan might mean covering yourself after a shorter and shorter period of time until she's okay with you being covered after nursing, then move to getting further and further away from her after you've covered yourself.  You might also have to give her something to do with her hands.  You could maybe start by playing with her other hand, so she moves to playing with your hand as you're getting her away from playing with your breast.  Then you could just hold her hand.

If she's sleeping in her own bed, she will get used to it and sleep as long as she needs on most days/nights.  She may have disrupted sleep for the first few days, but she'll get used to it.

In my opinion, you don't have to night wean.  However, moving her to her own bed will almost certainly cut back on the amount of nighttime nursing she does.  She won't necessarily wean completely, but she will likely cut back. 

You don't even necessarily "need" to move her to her own bed.  You could do some of the actions to get her used to falling asleep without you lying immediately next to her with your shirt undone while she's still in your bed.  

With DS2, this whole process was easier done with his bed was next to ours because, after he got used to falling asleep in his own bed with me next to him, he got used to me putting my hand on him from my bed at night to comfort him, so he got used to me being in that place and became OK with me being in my own bed when he fell asleep.  He's been in his own bed for about 1 1/2 months now and it's soooo much easier to get him to sleep at bedtime or naptime.  I don't even have to sing him to sleep anymore or have my hand on him the whole time, though he doesn't like if I leave the room while he's falling asleep.  Since he's used to me not being in the bed with him, he sleeps like a charm and only needs the occasional drink of water or blanket adjustment at night.

Good luck!

[maptome]

Thanks, tavamom.  That all sounds logical and doable.  I've tried giving her a lovey to hold onto, but she usually just throws it when she gets upset.  I've honestly been paralyzed with fear that she will just not sleep all night long, but I guess she would only be sleep deprived for maybe a week until she adjusts....right?

Your experiences helped remind me that maybe sleep will one day not be such a huge issue.   It's just been hard when it seems like she is getting older and not really sleeping any "better."

[xzaviers_mama]

I don't have any suggestions, but just wanted you to know that I feel your pain.  :(  My 18 month old is the same way... and I also hate having to lie in bed, wishing that I could get things done around the house.