screaming bloody murder in car

[LHcj2008]

This doesn't always happen. My 11 week-old has had many 5-30 min car trips where he has done OK/fallen asleep. But, often, he cries. When I'm with my husband he will drive and I will sit in the back with the baby. Today I was coming back from a visit with my parents with him and I was by myself and as soon as I got on the highway (95), baby started crying. Soon it escalated to bloody murder screams...and I still had about 20 min to go. I almost got in an accident I was so upset. He screamed like this the entire rest of the way home, all while I'm having visions of my child being traumatized for the rest of his life because I didn't soothe him. Anyway, of course as soon as I get parked at home, I pick him up and he immediately stops crying...and 5 minutes later inside the house he is all smiles with me.

Often if the car starts moving faster than 35 mph he will stop fussing, if he starts crying as soon as I put him in the car. My parents are mainly a straight shot down 95 so it is typically a good trip for him because, if I go during off-peak times, I am typically travelling at 65 mph+ until we get off the highway (at which point he will start fussing at red lights but I am close so it's not too bad). I always give him his pacifier when I strap him in but it falls out of his mouth within 2 minutes, and unless I'm at a stoplight I can't put it back in for him. I've tried playing Baby Einstein CDs for him at home and dancing around with him and then playing them in the car so he recognizes them. I turn the music up, I turn it down, I turn the heat up and down, I bought a sunshade to block the sun, I have a mirror in front of him so I can see him (but I knock it out of position every time I put him in the seat, so it doesn't do much but frustrate me). He is not too into toys yet but I do have some plastic-y flourescent light-up thing that straps onto car seats that someone gave me...I guess I can try that next.

The one hunch I do have is that he is uncomfortable. I've noticed at home that he will spit up or start fussing after he nurses if I put him in a sitting position. He usually only wants held upright after nursing, against my shoulder facing behind me. And I typically nurse him before putting him in the car to try to promote comfort/relaxation and to ensure he won't get hungry if I have a trip longer than 10 minutes. I'm wondering if the position he is seated in is pressing on his full tummy? I notice that when I put him in the seat, he does seem a bit hunched over and kind of smushed in there. I have a Chicco Keyfit 30 if that matters. He did spit up a little during this traumatic trip today. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. He has pretty much been this way in the car since about 2 weeks old, but I thought it was getting better. Any advice would be helpful. I think I'm 100x more damaged from that car trip than he is.

[Knitting Mama]

First off, a thousand hugs, because I've been there and I know how traumatizing it is. My daughter was a carseat screamer from birth to about 5 months. The good news is that it did get better, even if it took a long time.

Interestingly enough, we used the same bucket seat as you have. Switching to a convertible did help some, but it wasn't a miracle cure as it has been for some other babies. However, if you can afford to do it, I would try that first. Around 3 or 4 months, I also started using a mirror that has lights and sound on it. While I didn't really want to go that route, it did help keep her occupied for shorter trips.

I assume you're making sure he's well burped before putting him in? Also, is he a gassy baby under normal circumstances?

Hang in there, mama, it does get better!

[KempsMama]

My LO was a carseat screamer too.  He's 7 months now, and he's been a lot better for about a month I would say.  Switching seats helped some, but not much honestly.  Making sure he was fed and a little sleepy when I put him in the car helped the most. 

[mamadiamond]

my dd screamed so horribly any time i put her in the car, and i had to make two 9 hour drives with her by myself. the first drive was awful and i cried almost as much as she did. so i got one of those seat mirrors that plays music, and it was like a miracle. after months of screaming her lungs out as soon as she hit the carseat, now she just happily looks in the mirror and rarely fusses unless it's a very long trip or she's very tired. i only use the music now when she's really upset, because the songs are pretty annoying, but the second i put the music on she calms down. i don't know what it is, but dh and i refer to it as the "magic music" now. best $20 i ever spent.

[P.J.]

My baby is STILL a car screamer and he's nearly 10 months old  It sucks, big time.

It sounds like our situation is far worse than yours though, in that Max has always screamed, no matter how fast we're going and he will not take a paci. A convertible seat also did not help, nor music, nor me sitting next to him, nothing helps.

Luckily we live in a city and we just use public transport 95% of the time. We only use the car when DH is driving and I sit in back with Max. I can strap myself into the middle seat, lean over and nurse him. So I do that. Just about every time. There have been rides where he was actually fine without any nursing, but usually he just fusses until I nurse him, and if I don't then the screaming starts. The last time I drove alone with him was about 2 months ago. He screamed the whole way, and like you said, it was probably harder for me than him. I was crying and hysterical myself. I swore I would NEVER ride alone with him again. DH is not happy about that as we have had to once or twice make special plans to avoid it, but in our case it is mostly avoidable.

I realize I may have conditioned him to expect nursing in the car and made the whole situation drag on....but to me the screaming is unbearable, and for him it is traumatizing, I believe. At the very least he gets a negative association with the car which could last well into childhood. So I will continue nursing him until he can deal with being in the car.

I also suspect it may get better when he can go forward facing. I know many mamas wait as long as they can for that, but personally I am not overly concerned and will turn him FF pretty much as soon as the law allows, which will be very soon. If it doesn't help he'll go back to rear facing, but if it helps I have to just pray we don't get in a major wreck where FF will harm him....because all I know is I cannot tolerate that car screaming.

Anyway I doubt any of that relates to you, it sounds like your LO is not as bad, and will, like most babies, get used to it much sooner. In the meantime hang in there, this will pass.

[LHcj2008]

Thanks for your replies. The hard part for me is that it IS so inconsistent. He doesn't scream as soon as I put him in the seat. In fact, often he won't start fussing until we are in the middle of the trip, which makes it so hard because at that point I can't do anything (earlier on before I got on the highway or something I could pull over, that sort of thing). Yesterday he screamed so hard it made this deep-throat cackling noise, it was just awful. I've rarely ever heard him do that. I thought he was going to throw up or choke or something from the screaming, and I know it escalated because I couldn't get to him. Usually if he cries we are close to our destination so it never really gets that far.

Mamadiamond, what kind of mirror is the one you are referring to? Do you remember the brand?

[Knitting Mama]

This is the one we have:

Lights & Melodies Mirror

We got it at Target.