my lo is 13 months old and for some reason around 12 months i have been thinking a lot about her birth. i think immediately after her birth i just felt like "ok, my birth plan went down the tubes but she's here safe and i enjoyed my birth experience so it doesn't matter". but now i'm thinking about someday having a second child and i have this feeling of anxiety like "i REALLY want to have the kind of labor & delivery that i planned for my first (as little medical intervention as possible & no pain meds)".
here's the cliff's notes on my birth story:
water broke on my due date. fair amount of meconium in the water, no real ctx. we headed to the hospital where they said b/c of the meconium they wanted to induce "in case the baby was in trouble". pitocin, internal monitoring, ctx are looking good, i am handling pain just fine but after 21 hours of labor i had only dilated to 4cm. dr. on call starts to talk cs if i don't start to progress. after discussion with nurses and dh we decide to try an epidural to see if that will speed dilation. i have the epidural and in less than 2 hours i am fully dilated, push for 30 min and have my perfect daughter in my arms.
my issues with how things went:
internal monitoring & being tethered to iv was unpleasant
i didn't get to feel much as my daughter was coming out
dh and i took 40 hours of natural birthing/hypnobirthing classes and i feel like i didn't get to fully use them
i really believe the effect of the epidural was a contributing factor to us have a very rough start to nursing
what i have to be thankful for:
neither dd or i experienced any medical issues during l&d
dd is perfect
i didn't have a cs
i keep turning it over in my head, thinking about whether i could have done something differently.
could i have done something differently?
any advice on how to mentally get over this hump?