Am I a flaky HB client?

[carrieb26]

So, I've been thinking about this for a long time.  Would home birth midwives think of me as a flaky client, since I've had 2 different midwives for my first two births, and I'm thinking about trying to find a different midwife for my third birth?

First birth, had excellent prenatal care throughout by a midwife and her partner.  Labor was long, and we transfered for pitocin augmentation.  Birth at hospital went fine enough - pretty low intervention, and really, a pretty good experience, inspite of not being at home. They were the only midwives I could find near me, and they were about 1 hr 15 min away. I generally liked their care, but I guess I was a little nervous because of the transfer, and I felt that maybe they had misrepresented themselves a little - my primary midwife (I think) was apprenticing under the first, although she'd done enough births to be on her own.  It seems like my primary kept referring and deferring to the other one, which felt a little weird.

When I found I was pregnant with #2, I decided to see if there were any new mw's in the area. I found two different MW's, both about an 50 minutes from me. I interviewed both, and choose the one who had seen more births (mennonite lady who attends mostly amish).  She didn't do much prenatal care, and sometimes it felt like I new more about pregnancy than she did (Although maybe she just didn't express herself well.) By not much, I mean she said she usually sees her clients just 2-3 times the entire pregnancy before birth, although she was willing to see me more if I preferred (ETA: I did choose to see her once a month). birth was fast, and she didn't get there til afterwards. the placenta was hung up, but she did a fine job of making sure everything came out and was okay. She's really busy though - sometimes she has 14+ clients in a month.

So, now, #3 will be arriving, and I'm trying to decide if I want to go back with her again, seek out ANOTHER midwife, or I don't know.

Am I a complete flake? if you knew someone who changed midwives for every birth, what would you think?  If you were the "new" midwife I was interviewing, would you be cautious about taking me a a client?

Carrie

[Banana731]

it seems like you just haven't found the right fit for you. think it's perfectly reasonable to keep looking for that fit. tell the mw's you interview with what you told us here, and I bet she'll understand. If she doesn't, well then she's probably not right for you either.

[phathui5]

Especially if you are in an area where you have choices for who to use, I think that you should interview as many midwives as you want until you find one.

On the other hand, you should probably be paying these ladies for their time during interviews if you're not 100% sure who you're going to use.

[carrieb26]

Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of options - the CPM I interviewed already, and the mennonite midwife I used, and the two midwives from the first birth are the closest.  Anyone else is 2 hours away, and that just doesn't seem feasible with two children in tow for pre-natals. 

I guess I feel like I'm being over picky, maybe. Or that I want some combination of the midwives -as in the attributes I like from each rolled into one person!

Whether it should or not, the religious beliefs of our midwife are also very important to us - we would like to find a midwife who shares a similar spirituality, at least in a general sense.

[Peony]

I used a different MW for each of my first 3 births, and used a 4th for a couple months before deciding it was not a good fit. Limited options here as well, my last MW and the one I still use informally is almost 2 hours away. 

[Marissamom]

If I was a MW, I wouldn't be too concerned with someone who switched providers with each child. you don't know for sure that the MW you're seeing will be the right fit for you when you're in labor until you're in labor. I know lots of moms (homebirth and hospital) who have used someone new for each birth. my mom went through 5 care providers in 4 pregnancies. 

[Smokering]

Goodness, I don't think so. They wouldn't even have to know why you changed MWs, and there are plenty of "non-flaky" reasons - midwives stop practicing, move overseas, are booked up the month you're due, etc. I thought I was being clever getting in really early to book the same MW I had last time, only to find she's going to a midwifery conference in Africa the month I give birth! I don't think midwives tend to feel you have an obligation to stick with them for subsequent births.

[happynaturalmama]

I don't think you seem flaky, but I understand your concerns.  I say keep looking for someone that makes you happy :)

[echospiritwarrior]

Oh my goodness, I would NEVER call you a flake. Sorry I didn't read any other responses yet. I would be quite uncomfortable with only being seen a few times during pregnancy! How can see really keep watch of her clients overall health and well-being only seeing them 2-3 times before a birth!!! PLUS 14+ clients a month!?!? uuuhhh, I don't even know what to say, I would feel uncomfortable if my midwife had 5-6 due my birth month! Keep looking mama. Experience is very important to me (my first born was around birth 1000 for my midwife, not including apprenticeship- but sheesh she was already nearly 60 then)!!! 

[mwherbs]

How about the first midwives? And yep if a junior midwife is taking clients but defering to a senior midwife then that is what can happen either in front of you or discussed after you leave, can be similar in group practices too, As for transferring for agumentation sounds like an approprate and timely transfer. From the CPM study first time moms are transferred more often than multips, very often for agumentation and or pain meds.
What exactly do you want from a midwife? Sounds like the Amish gal has some different expectations and standards, does she come early in labor and do any support or is her plan to show up just in time? Does she do resuscitation? Newborn exams?

[carrieb26]

I think she was able to see so many people because she did so few client visits, outside of the birth itself - not lots of prenatals, and didn't do a homevisit after birth unless you specifically requested it. When I saw her, she had been to more than 300 births, and was primary at more than half. I would guess she's in her early 30's.  she apprenticed under her mom, who had seen somewhere around 1600 births at the time she passed away.

She said she rarely missed a birth, usually just when it was very fast, like mine.

Originally Posted by echospiritwarrior 

Oh my goodness, I would NEVER call you a flake. Sorry I didn't read any other responses yet. I would be quite uncomfortable with only being seen a few times during pregnancy! How can see really keep watch of her clients overall health and well-being only seeing them 2-3 times before a birth!!! PLUS 14+ clients a month!?!? uuuhhh, I don't even know what to say, I would feel uncomfortable if my midwife had 5-6 due my birth month! Keep looking mama. Experience is very important to me (my first born was around birth 1000 for my midwife, not including apprenticeship- but sheesh she was already nearly 60 then)!!! 

[carrieb26]

I've been trying to figure out what I want in a midwife, and I think I just can't find what I'm looking for around here.

In the past, it has been important to me to have a midwife who is a christian.

I want a midwife willing to attempt breech and twin births.

I want a midwife who does thorough prenatal and postpartum care.

I want a "hand-off" midwife unless it is clear that some additional support is needed.

The first mw's - one doesn't live here anymore, and is no longer practicing. The other defers clients in this area to the two who I already know of. I already contacted her to see if she knew of other mw's in my area.

the mennonite midwife has expreience with breech and twin births. But, I think she tends to take on high risk clients, anyway. She has a lot more experience catching babies, and is willing to be hands off. But the prenatal/postpartum care is lacking. She is current in neonatal resuscitation, and carries pitocin and oxygen. She does an initial newborn exam, but I was out of the room showering when she did the exam on my son, so I don't really know what all she did. Since she missed my last birth, I don't really know what she is like in the labor/birth setting.  She said to call when ctx are 5 min apart an 1 min long, and they never got there until shortly before I was in transition and pushing. 

Carrie

Originally Posted by mwherbs 

How about the first midwives? And yep if a junior midwife is taking clients but defering to a senior midwife then that is what can happen either in front of you or discussed after you leave, can be similar in group practices too, As for transferring for agumentation sounds like an approprate and timely transfer. From the CPM study first time moms are transferred more often than multips, very often for agumentation and or pain meds.
What exactly do you want from a midwife? Sounds like the Amish gal has some different expectations and standards, does she come early in labor and do any support or is her plan to show up just in time? Does she do resuscitation? Newborn exams?

[kcparker]

You could ask if the Mennonite MW would be willing to partner with one of the other midwives, combine two of them to get the kind of care you are looking for...In my area, it's very normal that the MWs partner, and I know my MW has partnered with the plain midwives (there's one Amish, one Menny) on occasion. I think if she's Mennonite who works mostly with Amish people, that changes her philosophy of care to some extent, and her expectations about your knowledge, attitudes, beliefs, and support system may be different than a more secular-leaning midwife.

Another option would be to see if you can find a family physician who would be willing to attend a homebirth. I know, not bloody likely, but you never know. You might have a foreign-born doc. or an old-timer who would be willing. It's worth beating the bushes a little to check into it.

[carrieb26]

She does mostly serve Amish and Mennonite. I hadn't thought about how that would impact things.  I suppose in those communities, there might be a stronger likelyhood of experience and support from the women around.  Maybe they're not used to relying on a midwife to a great deal of care outside of labor/birth, so she doesn't usually do it.

[ElizaS]

Even though two hours IS pretty far away and seems more risky...I would look into interview those other midwives. I don't think your reasons for searching for a new one are flaky at all, and I do think it's Super important to have a midwife you're comfortable with (like if she's someone who makes you stressed, you might not birth as well).

14+ births a month from the mennonite woman is a TON. Most MW I know won't take more than TWO (but they also do thoroughly pre/post natal care).