im torn between two worlds

[CherryBombMama]

im having a stupid battle inside myself as to what kind of wife i should be. my mom is not a great example, i never want to be what she is (she isnt terrible, but her marriage is down the toilet and i never want to treat my dh the way she treats my dad.) my MIL is no better.

i WANT to be the kind of wife that is a partner to her dh. i dont want to dictate to him what he is to do, eat, wear, etc ... my female relatives all do this to their dhs and i dont like it.

so i have been trying so hard to treat my dh as an equal, a partner, i have been trying to ask for and value his opinion as much a possible, but its only been leading to arguements and frustration.

so i finally asked him, "do you NEED me to tell you what to do for everything?!" and he said YES! can you believe it? i asked him why, and he said thats how he was raised, and thats what makes him feel comfortable. now, is this ok? i dont mind being "in charge" but a part of me feels like im leaving him out. but thats the way he wants it.

and i have noticed on those few times when i told him what to do (he wanted to snack on chips right before dinner, i said no, eat fruit, he pouted then ate the fruit) he seemed totally fine with it and actually seemed happy!

does anyone else run their household like this? i feel like its wrong but he WANTS me to be the "boss." im just confused.

[scottishmommy]

Haha! That's hilarious op. I think sometimes men feel a lot pressure(as do women of course) to be the big tough provider and defender of the family. Maybe you bossing him around takes some of the pressure off? In our family I am the boss of food, health, household stuff and our social calendar. DH is the boss of money and vacations. It balances out really well. I don't like thinking about investing and DH doesn't know a qumquat from a cauliflower!