To tell the gender or not?

[Lisa1970]

I have had issues with past pregnancies where others knew the gender and they drove me nuts. Family members all had their own ideas as to what they wanted to name the baby and once they knew the gender, they just had to get aggressive about it, including calling the baby by the name they picked. This was over the top irritating. And when you are pregnant, this can really get to you. 

So with this last baby, I did not tell the gender. I told all that I simply did not know. I never got that pressure! No one is going to call a baby Robert unless they really know the baby is a boy. Or Sarah unless they know the baby is a girl. They made their suggestions,, but not knowing the gender, they were not in to it.

As an added bonus, they were excited to hear when I actually gave birth. In the past, it was more like "ok, so Gavin is here" and that is about it. 

Thing is, this time, things are different. I have had lots of boys and this baby is a girl. This is a happy shocker! I know everyone else will be shocked. I know everyone else is anti big family so I already get a lot of grief over that. But I also know if they find out the baby is a girl, that they will get excited for this baby, which is something they probably won't be otherwise. It will bring a renewal of excitement. But then again, it is soo nice and exciting to send out the pictures at the birth of the baby with the announcement of the gender and all and everyone just seems all the more excited because they did not even know the sex. But I am so excited myself that I am having a hard time holding it in. SO, please let me know your experiences and what worked for you and what you did that you liked or did not, and what you wished you had done, that sort of thing. Thank you so much!

[amaayeh]

I found out with my previous two and experienced not only the 'disappointment' that the second was 'another girl', but also the name opinions.  This one we haven't found out and it's been wonderful not to have to deal with the comments!  On the other hand, we are dealing with the 'I sure wish we knew what it was so I could buy something.'

I can completely and totally understand your excitement, though, and I don't think it would necessarily be a bad thing to share.  There is a lot of excitement in preparation.  Also, the name comments might not bother you as much since you are so excited.  All this being said, it is such a personal choice.  Good luck and congratulations on your little girl!

[Smokering]

Yikes, I dunno. You can't win, really. :p With baby number one we didn't find out, and had a few people get snitty that they couldn't buy clothes ahead of time. With this baby we did find out, and told - and I'm gritting my teeth at all the "thank goodness it's a boy!"-type comments. Haven't had too much name grief, though.

I'd personally feel a bit weird knowing but not telling - I have a few tactless friends who would keep bugging me to know, I'd be constantly afraid of letting it slip, and I'm not comfortable lying about whether or not we know. (Plus, it'd be almost impossible to keep the secret from DD, and once she started saying "he" or "she" our friends and family would pounce on it... it just seems like more stress than it's worth!)

Congrats on your girl! :)

[goinggreengirl]

Yeah, sounds like a no win situation for you! I think either way you are going to get annoying comments- all pregnant women do!

We found out with DS (my family all said I shouldn't but I wanted to) but we didn't share what name we would be using. This bugged them and my sister made up a fake name (not something we would ever actually name out child) and referred to him that way until he was born. Kind of annoying, but it was in fun- doesn't sound like your family is doing it as a joke but more as a pressure to you!

Good luck and congrats on your bundle of joy who will probably gets lots of pink clothes!

[penstamon]

Congrats on your little girl and your pregnancy.  Obviously you can't avoid all the annoying comments- we have also gotten them with both pgs.  This time around family wasn't all that excited for us since our kids are close together and it was unplanned.  We did not find out the sex either time and got accused of holding back when we really didn't know.  People were upset about not being able to pick out clothes and trying to read into everything we said (because they thought we knew).  My opinion?  Screw them all!  This is your baby and if you feel that they will be annoying if you tell them then don't bother.  They will be in for such a nice surprise when the baby comes- do a few extra months make that much difference?  Its not that long to wait.  Maybe tell some close friends that can keep a secret if you need to share?

[erigeron]

We told everybody the sex, told them we had a name and we were NOT telling until she's born. This was because my mom asserted her right to get a say in what we name the baby. My mom pouted but accepted it and everybody else seems to be fine with it. We have slipped and told a couple of very nonjudgmental friends about our name choices, but most people don't know yet and those two will keep it under their hats. I think maybe the fact that we had a name picked out made people back off about what they thought we should name her? Because previously everybody was always throwing names at me. You could tell them you've picked a name, even if you haven't yet--they'll never know. (That's another reason I don't want to tell, just on the offchance we do change our minds, though I don't think we will.)

[Lisa1970]

That does not work for us. We have had in the past where we told everyone what we were naming the baby. We did not give them lists or anything, it was very direct...we ARE naming him Grayson...only to end up with them calling the baby by their name choice and making fun of the name that we said we were definitely using.
 

Originally Posted by erigeron 

We told everybody the sex, told them we had a name and we were NOT telling until she's born. This was because my mom asserted her right to get a say in what we name the baby. My mom pouted but accepted it and everybody else seems to be fine with it. We have slipped and told a couple of very nonjudgmental friends about our name choices, but most people don't know yet and those two will keep it under their hats. I think maybe the fact that we had a name picked out made people back off about what they thought we should name her? Because previously everybody was always throwing names at me. You could tell them you've picked a name, even if you haven't yet--they'll never know. (That's another reason I don't want to tell, just on the offchance we do change our minds, though I don't think we will.)

[erigeron]

Sounds like they're probably going to hassle you whatever you do... how annoying. :(