please help . sudden loss of pet. how to prepare my LO?

[BellaClaudia]

I don't now where to post and it is URgent,

Our beloved cat died last night and we need to take care of telling my LO. What to say? How to prepare her? she is 5.

We need to take him to be cremated. What to do ? Have them to pick cat up? Drive him? Take LO with us?

Send DH with a cat instead? What would you dol?

HOw to explain cremation to her? what would you do what to say? I am so out of words..

It is so sudden and so sad please help to make sens to her and to solve the what and the how..

[Rani]

Well, you will have to take the cat into the vet if you want to cremate. They will offer you 2 options...co-cremation (with other animals that died but you get your animal's ashes back and single cremation.  The first is less expensive by a lot. 

aS to telling your LO, I would be honest.  Life is like a circle. It begins, we live, and then we die to go back to the earth that formed us.  Tell her its okay to grieve and be sad but also help her remember the good things.  Encourage her to talk about her memories but don't force her. It willnot be an easy ride, but do what feels right.

Just don't lie about it...don't say..your cat "went away" or had to leave...death is a part of life.  Don't force her to talk if she doesn't want to.  We made a special ceremony to place the ashes but all are different.

Hugs in this hard time.

[HollyBearsMom]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet! 

I would calmly explain what happened, in very simple terms.  Was she old? ailing? sick? Keep it short. Then let your child questions guide where the conversation goes next, keeping your answers simple but honest.

If she accepts it nonchalantly don't push but let her know if she has questions she can always talk to you. Chance are it will hit her later.

If she does have questions depending on your faith you can decide whether to talk about heaven, etc.  If not you can talk about the circle of life.

Not knowing your daughter I can't really say about the cremation part. That could be too intense for a sensitive child but a more mature 5 year old might be interested the science aspects. 

You might also like this site with the poem Rainbow Bridge: http://www.petloss.com/rainbowbridge.htm

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. 

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. 
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. 
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. 

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. 
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. 

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. 

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. 

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... 

Author unknown... 
 

 

[Doodlebugsmom]

I'm so sorry about your cat. One of our dogs died about a year and a half ago, so I can sympathize. My ds was your dd's age when our sweet Hannah died. My dd was 7. They were with her when she died (in the car on the way to the emergency vet). I was out of town, so dh had no choice but to take them. We had talked to them about death, especially regarding the dogs, for most of their lives. Hannah had life-long health problems and our other dog Maggie is 16, so she's been pretty old for quite a while.

As for the cremation, we have told our kids for a long time that if dh or I were to die we would have our bodies "turned into ashes." They have been to open-casket funerals, and we have used these times to talk to them about choices for remains after the body dies. They never asked exactly how the body gets "turned into ashes." I would explain it if they did. You could tell your dd something similar to that.

For the record, the kids were very resilient when we lost Hannah. They both cried for about 10 minutes, then a few short cries later that day. The next day they were on petfinder.com looking for a new dog or just pictures of dogs that looked like Hannah. We did wait about a year before getting another dog.

I agree with the pps about just being honest with your dd about the cat's death. The pet crematory here is not associated with a vet's office. They do pick up animals on request. We requested that they pick Hannah up at the emergency vet. We didn't get a fancy box for her ashes, just a plain one. The ashes are in a ziploc bag inside the box. The kids still like to open the bag occasionally to "feel Hannah." So do I. It will be hard for a while. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[lindberg99]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your cat.

My kids took it pretty well when our cat died. They were 7, 5 and 1.5 yo. (Well, I don't think the youngest one really knew what was going on.) I just explained to them that she was very sick and had died. Our situation was different though because I took her to the vet to have her euthanized so they were able to say goodbye to her before. Honestly, her death was way harder on me. It was in Nov of 2005 and I'm tearing up now thinking about it.

My then 5 yo brought it up the most. My mom sent us the book Cat Heaven, which he read off and on for a long time, maybe 2 years.