Anyone else giving birth without their SO?

[MarineWife]

My dh will be deployed when this baby is due. There is a slight chance he'll be able to schedule his 2 weeks of R&R around baby's due date but we aren't counting on it. This will be the 2nd baby I've given birth to while he was deployed. I am planning a homebirth just like with my 3rd, possibly a waterbirth if things go that way.

I know I can do it. I've done it before. I'm not worried about that. I am sad that it means my dh will not get to experience a completely natural, unmedicated birth outside of the hospital setting. He was home for the birth of our first child together but that was a hospital induction so very, very different from the birth of our 2nd (my 3rd) child's home waterbirth.

Just wondering if anyone else will be doing this without their SO.

[HappyMamaBeth]

  I got pregnant when my husband was home for 2 weeks, so he's missed the pregnancy, but he will be home from deployment next month and I'm not due til May.  There's always the chance he will be underway when I delivery, but I'm hoping not LOL.

I know it's totally NOT the same as having him there in person, but do you have someone who will be recording and photographing the labor and birth for you??

Crossing my fingers for him to be home on R&R!  I know you don't want to get your hopes up, but it sure would be wonderful if luck worked in your favor.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by HappyMamaBeth 

I know it's totally NOT the same as having him there in person, but do you have someone who will be recording and photographing the labor and birth for you??

Along the same lines, my GF skyped her DH in Japan during her birth!

[Katie8681]

Oh I second the skyping if he can't be there in person!  That's pretty common in the hospitals in Louisiana, with so many people deployed.  I hope he makes it, though.

[MarineWife]

I video recorded the birth of ds3. My midwife brought up skype. We will try it but I've been told it doesn't always work very well. I guess it would be the next best thing but it's not like having him here. I don't even want him here for me. As much as he tried, the poor guy was totally useless when I was in labor with ds2. I want him here for him, so he could have the experience.

I just thought of something. Skyping might be hard for him because he'd feel so helpless. IDK. Maybe that's not such a good idea.

[treeoflife3]

I'm not pregnant but my kiddo was born with daddy deployed.  We were very fortunate and able to skype while I was in labor and then he was able to call and listen to the birth.  Kinda scary as everyone kept forgetting he was there and focusing on me but it was really great that he got to hear her first cries and talk to me once I was ready to hold the phone and talk hehe.  He got to kind of be there in that sense.

Just sending hugs for support, even if you've done it before I can't imagine it'll be easy this time!

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

This is my 3rd baby that my DP will not attended....he was deported to Mexico and we have both a choice of delivering our babies in the US...even if it means that he will not be at the birth. Last birth he watched via skype and it was awesome until i started pushing and pushed the camera out of my face....i needed it "gone"! But this birth i will cross over into the US and birth at a birthing center.

[la mamita]

I've done it before with my first baby and a different partner, but there's a chance my current partner won't be approved for a visa in time for the birth. With the first guy, I didn't miss him a bit, but that probably says something about our relationship as well as my own independence...

This birth, I do not want any kind of recording equipment around for birthing nor do I need much support, so I will have a friend stand in for my DP if he can't be there just so my midwife doesn't feel like I have no support but I don't plan on skype-ing the birth or even taking pictures of anything until it's over. I am very much like the mama cat who needs to be alone in a drawer to give birth. I don't mind him missing the birth as much as I mind the idea of him missing the first few babymoon days, those are so precious.

[MarineWife]

Gah! I stopped getting email notifications of updates to this thread. Drives me crazy!

Anyway, it's important to me for my dh to experience a completely natural, unadulterated birth outside of a hospital. He's very conventional and only goes along with the homebirth because I insist. I wish he could experience first-hand how birth should be done. KWIM? He probably doesn't miss it too much.

I don't feel the need to have him here for support. As much as he tried, he was essentially useless to me at the one birth he was home for so I don't see him providing much support this time around. He attended Bradley classes with me and we practiced and talked about everything but he had no clue what to do when the time came.

[HappyMamaBeth]

Just talked to my husband and got word that his crew may be gone from the time I'm 38-42 weeks... nice huh??  Love it when they throw that stuff at us at the last minute. :(

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by HappyMamaBeth 

Just talked to my husband and got word that his crew may be gone from the time I'm 38-42 weeks... nice huh??  Love it when they throw that stuff at us at the last minute. :(

Mine wasn't last minute as we knew dh was going to be deployed when we were still TTC. However, the deployment was a surprise. He had only been home for a few months and his regular unit was not scheduled to deploy for 1.5-2 years so we thought we'd actually have some time together. Then he got picked for an IA and ended up only being home for about 9 months and will be gone for a year.

[amberbirthdoula]

For those of you who are giving birth without your SO, have you considering getting a doula? I know that a lot of doulas, including myself, provide labor support for reduced rates or free for moms whose SOs are in the military or can't attend for other reasons. I always recommend a doula but especially if you won't have your SO. 

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by amberbirthdoula 

For those of you who are giving birth without your SO, have you considering getting a doula? I know that a lot of doulas, including myself, provide labor support for reduced rates or free for moms whose SOs are in the military or can't attend for other reasons. I always recommend a doula but especially if you won't have your SO. 

I had a doula when I had ds3 without my dh. Since I had a homebirth, I didn't really need her as a doula. She ended up just video taping the birth. I'm planning another homebirth, so again, don't really need a doula. I'm not concerned about actual birth support. It's help with my other children during and after that I'm concerned about.

I do think doula's are essential for hospital births whether your SO (or anyone else) will be with and supportive or not.

[frugalmum]

By choice I haven't let my DH near me the past two times I've given birth.  He is not supportive during labor and just disappoints me/ makes things worse.  I really enjoyed my last two births in a way I never had before.  The more privacy I have, the better.  He is indifferent about being there when the baby is born so it doesn't hurt his feelings.  I don't want him near me this time around!  I have started having epidurals after a traumatic homebirth so that helps a lot-- I really don't need any support without the brutal pain (not the DH could give it anyway!).  Also we have so many kids I am more comfortable with an adult in the house while I am in the hospital.  We have no family nearby.

[mamaki]

My fiance may not be here for the birth of our baby (I'm currently 41+2 weeks pregnant).  I live in Canada and he's finishing off his degree at university in the USA.  He had to go back for classes on Monday but he's coming back Friday (staying till Monday).  I could go into labour at any time and he will miss it unless it's after Friday afternoon.  I'm planning on getting induced Friday afternoon/ Saturday if I don't go into labour prior, so he can hopefully be present at the birth and I'd be facing induction by Monday anyway.

We talked about how we'll handle the birth if he does miss it.  We both felt that Skype would be a bit weird but decided that videoing the birth would be a good substitute.  We'll also take lots of pictures.  I have other people here to support me - my parents and my fiance's sister.  I also have midwives and am still hoping for a home birth.  

Due to a precipitous labour my ex-husband missed the birth of my second child.  I actually had no one I knew with me at all (was taken to hospital via ambulance).  I didn't care about that at all... all I cared about was getting that baby out!  My ex-husband was disappointed to have missed the birth but I really didn't care.  He arrived shortly after the birth, as did my midwife.  The relationship with my ex-husband was tumultuous at the time so perhaps that influenced how I felt about his lack of presence at the birth.  My son is now 4 years old and he could care less that I was the only one at his birth.

Good luck!