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wanting to keep birthing private, how to handle the situation? RE: facebook - Page 2

post #21 of 29

Being at around 37 weeks and being completely unsure of when my daughter will make her debut, I have been putting some personal updates on Facebook, but those updates have been mine to make.  I am lucky that no one else seems to be posting info to each other.  What little family I have and most of my husband's family are on Facebook, so everyone will know around the same time since so many are keeping a close eye on my posts.  That's the good thing with Facebook for me, atm, since it is saving us from 20 million phone calls and having to pick and choose who's feelings we're going to hurt by not calling Person A before Person B.  I also have lots of close friends on there who have been a major support base the entire pregnancy.

 

That being said, since no one is jumping the gun on Facebook for me without my permission (my mom, younger sister, and DH all have permission within reason), I do not have the same issues as others.  What bothered me was the non-Internet stuff.  For instance, my MIL made sure to be in the room with me when I was giving birth to DS.  (I was too frightened at having a preemie and hurting too badly to care who was there at the point that she entered.)  She started taking pictures without anyone's permission, including the doctors/nurses.  (We won't get into other things she did since they are not related to sharing info.)  Since we both worked at the same place, it really hurt my feelings that she took those same pictures, that I hadn't even had a chance to see, btw, back to our job and showed them off to everyone before I could even let my parents know they had a grandson.  I think half the county saw the photos before my parents knew he was here. :(

 

(This is also the woman who apparently was going around telling all of her friends, some I had never met, that I was taking fertility drugs to get pregnant with DS.  Ugg!  As if that was anyone's business!  Yes, I told a couple of people, but they were close friends and family who I had already been sharing health info with.)

 

This time I live in another state, so her knowledge of everything and who gets to hear it will be at my whim instead of hers.

post #22 of 29


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blanca78 View Post

Ugh. You all have my sympathies. I am on facebook but THANKFULLY neither of my parents are. My MIL is but I'm not friends with her (I don't think she's figured out how to friend me :))

 

I think what would upset me is losing the excitement of being able to make my own announcement once the baby's born. I like the idea of disabling wall comments temporarily.

 

I am on it but more and more I just think Facebook sucks--more trouble than it's worth. My story? I found out this year that my GRANDMOTHER died, because my aunt posted it in her status before either of my parents could phone me.


I'm sorry, that's an awful way to hear bad news!

 

After DH's texting fiasco while I was in labor with DD, there most likely won't be any cell phones allowed in the room this time. My mother kept texting and calling him for updates/information and threatening him with annoying toys for the baby if he didn't respond. He got so caught up in trying to keep her happy that he wasn't much of a support when I needed his help. We both know better now! There might be a "headed to the hospital" status post or something else simple, but nothing more until the baby comes. No one should be posting updates about your birth but you (if you want it).

 

post #23 of 29

If they do not have the updates and details, they cannot post them. Keeping cell phones out of the delivery room will not help too much as they can leave the room from time to time and post stuff then. If they do not know you are pushing or you are X cm, then they cannot post about it. If you have a couple people you want to give updates to, then make sure they understand that the updates are meant to be private and not shared with others. Frankly, I do not understand why any woman would want anyone at all to know how many centimeters her cervix is. That is just sooo personal. I would be mortified if others knew the width of my private parts or otherwise. So I would not tell anyone. My dh would know because he would be in the room, but no one else.

post #24 of 29

I know what you mean about facebook. People sometimes get too personal on there and seem to forget the variety of people on there. I have cousins that I really have grown to not like so much, because they have posted too many opinions on too many things. I do not think we should know each other so well.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blanca78 View Post

Ugh. You all have my sympathies. I am on facebook but THANKFULLY neither of my parents are. My MIL is but I'm not friends with her (I don't think she's figured out how to friend me :))

 

I think what would upset me is losing the excitement of being able to make my own announcement once the baby's born. I like the idea of disabling wall comments temporarily.

 

I am on it but more and more I just think Facebook sucks--more trouble than it's worth. My story? I found out this year that my GRANDMOTHER died, because my aunt posted it in her status before either of my parents could phone me.



 

post #25 of 29

DDC Crashing..

 

With my last baby I deactivated my account for that reason. I didn't want people posting congrats on my wall before I was able to announce it.

post #26 of 29

Plus, there are no old fashioned etiquette to guide us. 

 

Well... honestly, etiquette doesn't rule something like that. Maybe it *should*, but in practical terms the only things that 'rules' it is what is possible. And since Facebook gives everyone a voice, they can put what they want. The only way to completely avoid it is to not make the information available at all.

 

I'm glad someone mentioned disabling wall comments. I didn't think to do that but I will. It's amazing how many people haven't the slightest clue how rude it is to upstage someone's announcement.

 

That said, we will not be texting/calling/telling anyone until we've had a chance to let my in laws know. They aren't on Facebook and I think they deserve to know they have a grandchild before the world at large knows, lol. My parents and whoever watches my DS will be under VERY strict orders to not post a word.

 

It's a brave new world...

post #27 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnchantedMamma View Post

Plus, there are no old fashioned etiquette to guide us. 

 

Well... honestly, etiquette doesn't rule something like that. Maybe it *should*, but in practical terms the only things that 'rules' it is what is possible. And since Facebook gives everyone a voice, they can put what they want. The only way to completely avoid it is to not make the information available at all.

 

I hope that in time there will be some better guidelines for us  I think it's in our nature to develop social contracts.  In my small circle of the world/Facebook world people seem to already be developing certain mores regarding Facebook.  Google "Facebook Etiquette" for some amusing articles.  

 

 

 

 

 

post #28 of 29

We didn't call ANYONE until after DS was born. lol

Then made it clear that I wanted to be the one to announce it.

post #29 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by lil_stinkyfeet View Post

DDC Crashing..

 

With my last baby I deactivated my account for that reason. I didn't want people posting congrats on my wall before I was able to announce it.



I think it's rude to post congrats before it's announced. My SIL just announced she's expecting again and I refuse to say anything until I see her say something about it on facebook. My boss had a scheduled c/s in February. We all knew the date and time the baby was "due" but I refused to post congrats until I saw something from her or her husband.

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