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OK, how do you feel about gay teens in relationships?  

post #1 of 51
4/1/04 at 7:05pm
Thread Starter 
OK, this is my so called "coming out" My sixteen year son is gay and we are very supportive of him. (Yes, I am a PFLAG mom) He is in a relationship with a really nice boy and I couldn't have picked better for him. I do hold him to the same moral standards that I hold for my other kids. (Meaning no sleazy behavior, safe committed relationships) Anyways, how does anyone feel about parents being ok with their gay teen's relationship. I have had mostly support and from all my family and friends.
post #2 of 51
4/1/04 at 7:10pm
Woohoo!!! YOu go mama! That is excellent that you are so supportive. PFLAG is a great group. I think teens should be able to be in a relationship not matter their sexual identity. How else do you find the person who you want to be with?

That being said...

This isn't really activism - Moving this to Preteens and Teens!
post #3 of 51
4/1/04 at 7:10pm
If my DD turns out to be gay I will fully support her, and that means her relationships too. I'm not big into trying to control teens' relationships, gay or straight, I think that just gets you out of the picture fast, lol. If I haven't taught her responsibility by the time she is dating then it's too late.
post #4 of 51
4/1/04 at 7:11pm
My dd hasn't proclaimed her sexual identity yet, but we have talked about all the different kinds their are. And being bi myself, I'm very open to her being who she is. Whatever that might be. We have a very queer friendly household and regularly discuss civil rights issues.

you might want to post in the queer parenting forum also. we don't get any of the debate posts there.
post #5 of 51
4/1/04 at 7:24pm

Re: OK, how do you feel about gay teens in relationships?

Quote:
Originally posted by doulamomvicki
how does anyone feel about parents being ok with their gay teen's relationship...
not in that situation, so i'm having a hard time imagining, well, what else are you going to do? cut your kid off? i mean, seriously, is there anybody here would actually ostracize their kid because they were a practicing homosexual?
post #6 of 51
4/1/04 at 7:29pm
sadly there are people that cut their queer kids out of their lives.

but I'd think that could be preferrable to being told your bad for who you are.
post #7 of 51
4/1/04 at 7:54pm
I have told ds in our many conversations about what it means to be gay that if he was gay, it wouldn't change how I felt about him. All I want is for him to love and be loved by a good person, no matter the gender. I intend to tell the girls the same thing when they are old enough to understand.

This is slightly T, but the local kids (all attending the same local Baptist church) use "Gayfer" as a put-down. This is highly offensive to me and I have repeatedly explained to ds how using this can hurt kids that are gay. He won't say it, but I hate living in a community where it is used over and over.
post #8 of 51
4/1/04 at 7:57pm
Thread Starter 
quote by dado:
______________________________________
i mean, seriously, is there anybody here would actually ostracize their kid because they were a practicing homosexual
______________________________________

You would be surprised. Some do. And I have been flamed by some people for having the it is "ok to be gay" attitude with my son.
post #9 of 51
4/1/04 at 11:13pm
vicki, your son is so lucky to have you for his mother.

my sister's best friend was gay, his mom and stepdad resigned themselves to the fact but were never really supportive. it hurt him immeasurably.

i think gay teens in relationships are no different than hetero teens. maybe slightly different issues but nothing drastic. i think it is great that you're so involved with him. it takes guts and courage to come out, sounds like you have the bases covered!
post #10 of 51
4/2/04 at 9:02am
i agree~your ds is very lucky to have you support who he is

my kids have been brought up right~being taught that being gay is not a choice a person makes & it's part of who the person is & there's nothing 'wrong' with it, despite what others think or believe.

out of 5 kids, odds are that 1 of them will be gay~so i've kind of made it a point to be very open with them on the subject & encourage them to support alternative lifestyles (this past month was a great opportunity to do so with my oldest who wrote and awesome report for school on same sex marriage!).

anyway, i will be there for my kids as well~just as you are for your ds~if & when any of them are gay, straight, or both, lol

shame on the parents who emotionally abandon their kids when they share with them their sexual orientation. i couldn't do it~it would kill me to not be there for my kid.

(((hugs))) to you for bringing this topic here! one strong mama attracts more strong mamas!!
post #11 of 51
4/2/04 at 10:51pm
You know, when my best friends brother came out in his late teeens, the whole family was in an uproar and they all went to family counseling. They're all very supportive now, but t hey freaked, and I couldn't figure out why. I mean, sheesh, I'd figured he was gay since he was 6 or 7 when I met him. He was one of those guys who walked gay.

My own brother just came out last year. He has two sons, has been in a committed relationship with their mother, etc. My own familys reaction cracked me up. My sister and I ould be thrilled if he found someone who made him happy. My mother, now she's 80, so this is a stretch for her, said she's fine with it as long as he and his bofriend aren't going to ome over to her apartment and sit around kissing and hugging, because that would be 'gross'. When I pointed out that it would be pretty gross if it were my sister and her new bf, she laughed and said she guessed it would.

On the other hand, my younger foster sister went out every night through out high school with the one girl in school who was a loudly self-proclaimed lesbian. She was very butch, took all shop classes in the day when girls weren't even allowed to take shop! My foster sis never dated any guy, always was with this girl, and then over the years, she came to events alone.

After many years, we were in our 30's, had passed, we were calling to invite her to a family get together. She asked if she should bring a date. Things got turned around a bit and finally my sister said, "But aren't you gay?". Hmm, while we're still not sure, we aren't likely to find out. She hasn't spoken to either of us since. : And I wasn't even on the phone !

Anyway, none of this applies to you, does it? I think it's fine. How can the kid find out who he likes if he can't date? Heck, my mother let my foster sister date...oh, yeah, they were just freinds...

Another glass of wine and I'll have to get one of the kids to type for me!
post #12 of 51
4/2/04 at 11:02pm
Teen sex freaks me out. I have issues. I know they are mine and I keep them to myself. I have about a decade to get over them. I don't think hetero or homo is gonna be the problem for me. It's the relationship and the kissy face stuff I'm gonna flip over.
post #13 of 51
4/2/04 at 11:57pm
Kama, you are too funny! Kissy face stuff huh? :LOL
post #14 of 51
4/2/04 at 11:57pm
I came out at 17 but waited around a year for the kissy face stuff. I was already at college but in the same town I grew up in. I think it made it easier that my parents moved a couple years later because it was really hard on my mom.

I have no idea how I'm going to react when my now three year old gets interested in boys/girls/both.

Hopefully you MDC folks will be around to talk me through it!

And doulamomvicki, you probably already know, but thanks for helping bring a healthy happy gay person up. Gotta love those PFLAGers.

(BTW: I'm old...what the heck's a "gayfer?" Is it just a longer version of gay? Help me sound hip...)
post #15 of 51
4/3/04 at 4:59pm
Thread Starter 
As far as sexual relationships between any teens, I am not for them. I know I am going to be flamed here, but I know I was way too young to have sex at 16. I hold my son to the same moral standards I have for anyone his age.
post #16 of 51
4/3/04 at 9:07pm
I think it's great that you support him! Too bad all parents wouldn't do the same. :
post #17 of 51
4/3/04 at 11:45pm
I would like to think I would handle a gay teen relationship in the same way I would handle a straight teen relationship. I would evaluate the situation as it happened and hopefully trust my kid to pick a nice, decent person instead of a jerk.
post #18 of 51
4/4/04 at 12:06am
The only problem that I see is maintaining a sane outlook if you disapprove of teen sex. For instance, many parents don't allow girl-boy sleepovers, but same sex sleepovers are fine. Or kids go off to a tournament in the city and stay in a hotel, segregated by sex. Those "sensible" rules don't seem so prentative when the teen is gay. But not allowing a teen to do teen stuff is not an option, at least for me.
Hmm, now that I type it, maybe we should just publicise that those rules don't really prevent teen heterosexual sex, either! I'd love to see that PSA campaign.
post #19 of 51
4/4/04 at 5:46pm
a relationship is a relationship - gay or straight

teen years are tuff for everyone & the more parental support the better.

doulamomvicki

BTW- ot - did you go to hi school in Phx?
post #20 of 51
4/4/04 at 6:38pm
Thread Starter 
Thank you mamas for all your support. I wish IRL everyone was like all of you!!!!

Polka123 - went to Xavier in Phoenix and Apollo in Glendale.
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