17 mth old "ambushing" others

[lemontree]

...I don't know how else to explain it.  DS has just started being really social.  In the past he was content to play with me at park, playground etc but now he wants to follow around big kids and interact with other toddlers.  I am so proud and happy when I see him happily approach strangers with a toothy grin, especially because he has been sooooo sensitive as a babe - unable to be with anyone besides DH and me. 

Thing is, he approaches them with arms open, wanting to touch them, pull himself up on them. Once he tried to hug a 3 year old and she threw him to the ground.  He isn't pushing *at all*  but I guess it looks and feels like he is to the other kids.  Every day at the park, toddlers (or often, the other parents) say, "No PUSHING!" to him as soon as he touches them.  He is big and sturdy, so maybe that's why his physical contact causes this reaction?

What can I do?  Sometimes we find playmates that "get it" and the kids are fine, but often, my guy is getting pushed away and scolded by strangers and it's heartbreaking....

I have been saying to him "I know you didn't mean to hurt or push, you were saying hello....looks like you surprised that boy/girl.  People and animals don't like to be ambushed.  if someone doesn't want you to touch them, it's their body, and we respect that.  maybe try a high five to say hello next time?"

Any words of wisdom?

[texmati]

same age and same behavoir here. We go with 'no touch', which we also use at home with the baby. I also model waving first. I'm a little more linient if he's with other toddlers, because it seems they communicate in the same way.

It's hard when we know that they are well meaning!

[lemontree]

Hm.  We practice alot of "gentle touch" etc with the pets....you're right that little toddlers seem to "get it" more than older toddlers....

[Caterina]

As the parent of a child who doesn't like to be touched that much, we model a lot of asking her - "do you want a hug?", "do you want to give him a high five?" and talk about reading body language and faces quite a bit in situations like this, "that was startling wasn't it? He just wants to say hello to you, look at how happy his face is...he wants to play!"

When my DD was at this age (around 18 months) a younger, but bigger, girl wanted to shake her hand at the park. DD didn't know what that meant, and when she didn't take the girl's offered hand, the girl squeezed her cheeks (probably both things she had seen adults do and not malicious at all). My DD was quite traumatized and brought it up daily and then weekly for MONTHS. After that I realized that I needed to find ways to support her in interactions with more exuberant and touchy-feely kids that she doesn't know. 

I just wanted to add my perspective from the other side...

[lemontree]

Your perspective is appreciated!  That's just it.  I don't want my guy to be traumatizing other Littles!  I just don't know what to do - it's hard to anticipate what he's going to do when he is so new to interacting w others (and I am so new to this stage of parenting...) Like, I don't wanna helicopter him too much--he doesn't do it all the time, so I try to "praise" (for lack of a better word, like "you just said hello so nicely!" when he doesn't ambush- "see how the cat likes it when you pet him gently? ") He didn't start walking until Dec and is in this exciting, physical explore-y stage, you know? He hates when the other kid gets upset, so maybe he will learn through experience?

Oy.