I am fed up. I cannot take it anymore, I am so at loss.
I did go to a therapist, but it is during the day, so my 2 y3 mt old has to be with my partner and he works so much atm, that I had to cancel 3 appointments.
I yelled and even hit my 5 y old this morning, my husband went to work and said goodbey, we were already late and after DH left, I told DS1 to hurry up and put on his shoes.
He was playing with his trains and I know he probalby did not even notice DH leaving, so he said , daddy had to do it.
I told him daddy was already gone, so it is either him or me. (and I was already cranky...)
(I do everything in the morning alone with two boys and DH just helpds himself, but the boys to turn to him to do things...
He started yelling and saying he was not going to school, to tired to tired..
I went nuts and said he MUST and tried to get him in his jacket and we both cried and yelled.
Later, I pulled him on the bed and tried to calm him, to let him tell me what he felled and to tell him who I felt and it worked a bit, I texted the teacher we overslept and `hour too late we got to school, we had played a little card game and went to school.
I feel so upset, I do have a terrible PMS period atm, the whole weekend DH and I had falllouts and the kids were there.
I am at loss, I so miss having a mum tot talk to, I left home when I was 18 and never returned, my mum is crazy, bipolar, numerous suicicide attempts, etc and my dad just was not there for us kids.
But now with two kids I am sometimes so tired and upset, I stil BF also at night . I BW my kids, but I already lost two best friends, I know it takes two people to keep a friendship alive, but they both said I was too intense :-(
I have a general anxiety disorder, dysthymie and I am now looking for a therapist in the evenings, but no luck...
............... do not know what to do, I try to be Mindfull and relaxed, but no change, I feel like my heartrate is in the thousand...????
Iw keep snapping at my two year old, he does not go to kindergarten yet. I try to keep my hands to myself, it does work, I was on Zoloft for years, but recently stopped, I feel better, in the way I can see better (had eye trouble due to Z I think!) and my impulses are better under control, but still I snap and get mad ...............