Teacher concerned about 'sexualized' behavior

[mumm]

I guess my little girls (3.5 years) include nursing in their pretend play at school.  My first thought was 'how sweet' but I guess it is disturbing to other children and the teachers.  We only nurse lying down (at least for the past year or so) because otherwise they squirm and lean on each other and it gets problematic.  Plus we really only nurse in the early morning hours in bed.  I think the fact they lie down and then lift their shirt for the stuffed animals feels off to the staff.  I have no trouble asking the girls to keep their shirts down, it is pretend play.  And they also know it is fine to play naked at home but at school we keep our clothes on.

So,what language do I use to turn this "unacceptable" behavior into exactly what it is- two little girls who love to play house/mom and know that nursing is part of that mothering?

[MittensKittens]

Sexualized bahavior? You are kidding! The teacher needs a lesson in the normalcy of breastfeeding. Mind you, I think it is perfectly alright to ask kids to keep their clothes on at school.

[Marissamom]

it's "disturbing" to 3 and 4 year olds?!? if that's true I would be really concerned that the other kids were being abused, because 3-4 year olds shouldn't have any idea what sexualized behavior is. I would guess that the teacher has a hang-up about breastfeeding being sexual and is projecting it. though I don't see a problem with a shirts stay down rule. 

[annettemarie]

I would have a joint meeting with the teacher and director and make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that you won't tolerate having breastfeeding (or your children mimicking breastfeeding) characterized as sexual. That unprofessional on the teacher's part. I would say what you said here-- that you have no problem asking the girls to keep their shirts down-- but labeling the behavior as sexual is just gross, stupid, and wrong.

[katelove]

Originally Posted by annettemarie 

I would have a joint meeting with the teacher and director and make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that you won't tolerate having breastfeeding (or your children mimicking breastfeeding) characterized as sexual. That unprofessional on the teacher's part. I would say what you said here-- that you have no problem asking the girls to keep their shirts down-- but labeling the behavior as sexual is just gross, stupid, and wrong.

What she said.

[titania8]

Originally Posted by Marissamom 

it's "disturbing" to 3 and 4 year olds?!? if that's true I would be really concerned that the other kids were being abused, because 3-4 year olds shouldn't have any idea what sexualized behavior is. I would guess that the teacher has a hang-up about breastfeeding being sexual and is projecting it. though I don't see a problem with a shirts stay down rule. 

exactly what i was thinking. the kids don't know anything about sex, and if they do, the teachers need to be talking to THEIR parents.

Originally Posted by annettemarie 

I would have a joint meeting with the teacher and director and make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that you won't tolerate having breastfeeding (or your children mimicking breastfeeding) characterized as sexual. That unprofessional on the teacher's part. I would say what you said here-- that you have no problem asking the girls to keep their shirts down-- but labeling the behavior as sexual is just gross, stupid, and wrong.

well said.

[sunnygir1]

Yeah, it sounds like the childcare providers' statements are off.  I breastfed dd when I dropped her off and picked her up at daycare until she was over 2 at an in home daycare that served children from infants to 6 years old.  Ds is 18 months and I have breastfed him at the daycare center in front of children of all ages with no negative response from anyone.  I would say the children are curious, but certainly not alarmed.

When dd was 1.5 or so I talked to her daycare provider about using bottles for the "babies" in the toddler room because there is clear evidence that breastfeeding is best for children, etc.  She said that she hadn't thought of it before, but would remove the bottles from the room.  She also said "we can't have the children lifting up their shirts in the classroom, but they can certainly pretend to be breastfeeding."  I didn't agree with her that they couldn't lift up their shirts, but I let it go there.  Basically, I agree that the daycare can draw a line about clothing, but certainly NOT about imitating a perfectly natural and healthy activity such as breastfeeding.  Duh!

[Drummer's Wife]

I agree with what annette said.  How sad that they assume a 3 yr old nursing a doll is sexual.  WTF?  I'd be upset, and definitely have a meeting. 

[gingerandpickles]

Exactly.
 

Originally Posted by annettemarie 

I would have a joint meeting with the teacher and director and make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that you won't tolerate having breastfeeding (or your children mimicking breastfeeding) characterized as sexual. That unprofessional on the teacher's part. I would say what you said here-- that you have no problem asking the girls to keep their shirts down-- but labeling the behavior as sexual is just gross, stupid, and wrong.

[philomom]

Whew! They do need to be educated. You go, mama.

[RoseRedHoofbeats]

I read this and thought "Parent concerned about teacher being a dumbass."

~Rose

[APToddlerMama]

I am sorry that happened to you OP.  I think it is a good opportunity to actually educate them, and I think the only way to do that and to have it actually sink in for teacher/director is to be very gentle in approaching them.  Obviously, I would be really angry and tempted to snap at them, but you will make a bigger difference if you are calm and gentle with them.  They are being silly and are obviously misguided, but it doesn't mean they don't have the kids' best interest in mind. 

[mumm]

It wasn't the lead teacher, just an aide, who mentioned it as a quick "are you concerned about" sort of comment.  I think the professional staff is knowledgeable enough to have shot her down if it had been something they'd discussed earlier.   I guess I was looking for the language to normalize this for her without making her feel like a dumbass.     Sadly, I'm pretty good at making people feel like that without seeking help! :) Some people really just don't know!  The school is an integrated program and they have a lot of adults around, some very highly trained, some are aides who help with snack and cleaning and toileting sort of things, which can take a while for a child with special needs.  It was an aide who talked to me.

And I still think my girls are adorable when they lie down and stuff two stuffed animals up their shirts- one for each "breastes".  (Although maybe not so cute when they count to 10 and then make the stuffed animals whine 'cause they want to nurse more and the mom doesn't!)

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by mumm 

And I still think my girls are adorable when they lie down and stuff two stuffed animals up their shirts- one for each "breastes".  (Although maybe not so cute when they count to 10 and then make the stuffed animals whine 'cause they want to nurse more and the mom doesn't!)

OMG!  That is so awesome and funny!