I HATE naps! Arghhhh!!!!

[newmamalizzy]

I absolutely can not wait until DD grows out of napping.  I am so, so, SO tired of this endless frustration.  Sure, there have been a few months along the way where we've had things going alright (like, when she napped on my lap for 40 minutes every 1.5 hours when she was young).  Now, here we are, at yet another standoff, and I've pretty much tapped out my ability to not stress about naps, at least for the moment. 

DD (11 months) has recently outgrown all of her old putting-to-sleep methods, and I simply have not found any replacement that doesn't involve ESP and standing on my head spitting nickles.  I try to catch her at her optimal sleepy-times, but these change daily because her nights are erratic, and because getting her down for the first nap can take from 15 minutes to 2 hours depending on the day.  For a "routine" I generally go through the house with her closing the curtains and dimming lights, then we go to the bedroom.  We do a book, then turn out lights and I lie her down in the bed.  The best I can do for a "method" of putting her to sleep at this point is to continue lying her down and telling her that it's naptime.  She writhes and wriggles and rolls and flips herself around and practices downward dog on her head, closing her eyes and staying in one position for about a millisecond before moving to a new position.  If she comes to me, I snuggle her.  If she stays still in my arms, I sing to her and jiggle her a bit until she falls asleep.  It can take us over an hour to get to this last bit, and usually only happens once she has gotten really REALLY upset about not being allowed to do what she wants.  She generally falls asleep as I soothe her from near-hysteria, which I hate.  Sometimes she gets upset right away and I have her asleep in a matter of minutes.  On days when she's in a "good" mood, I almost have to come up with a way to make her upset if I want to get her to sleep.  ARGH!   And even then it seems like she wants me to all but do the sleeping for her, as I have to come up with the exact right combination of song, rhythm, holding position, butt patting, back rubbing, etc. for her to sleep.  Then she wakes up after 35 minutes.  We go through it all again, but I can never get her back to sleep at this point.  Half an hour later, she's tired again.  It all just makes me want to SCREAM.   She's always tired, so she never wants to eat anything and is whiny and petulant for a large part of the day. 

Will we just never get this right?  What can I do differently to help her learn to go to sleep at naptime?  Or, at least, what can I do to help reduce my role in the process so that I'm not too frustrated and exhausted to repeat this darned thing over and over and over again?  BIG sigh.  This endless struggle just makes me feel so stupid, like, why can't I figure out this most basic of mothering responsibilities?? 

A few other notes: 

1.  We've read NCNS cover to cover, but had little success with it. 

2.  She doesn't really FIGHT sleep.  She does lie down and try until she gets frustrated.  She just doesn't seem to realize that staying in one position, closing her eyes, and relaxing is the way to do it. 

Thanks in advance for any advice, or just back-patting.  I need some back-patting right now. 

[LadyCatherine185]

nak

so been there with ds1.. hugs

how many naps is she taking a day? at that age my ds (who was up between 5-6 AM) was down to one nap a day around 10:30-11 for about 2 hours (total). i had to sleep with him, and he woke every 30-45 mins through the nap but i would just nurse him back to sleep. he needed blackout curtains and white noise. he  also went to bed between 6-7 at night. he woke every hour all night as well (until i nightweaned at 19 months). what i noticed with him was that he would not go to sleep unless he was TIRED.

a book that really helped me find a good routine for our day was Sleepless In America.. i highly recommend it!

ETA: he has always needed less sleep than most kids his age, and ended up dropping naps completely around his second birthday.. he (at 2.5) only needs about 11 hours total of sleep

[Twinklefae]

I agree that she's likely ready to start dropping her morning nap, which is why everything feels so crazy.

I would start feeding her lunch a little earlier and put her to bed an hour or two before her old afternoon nap time.

Be prepared for her to be very very cranky while she adjusts.

[newmamalizzy]

Originally Posted by Twinklefae 

I agree that she's likely ready to start dropping her morning nap, which is why everything feels so crazy.

I would start feeding her lunch a little earlier and put her to bed an hour or two before her old afternoon nap time.

Be prepared for her to be very very cranky while she adjusts.

I've considered trying this, but I'm just not sure she's really ready.  Actually, we often end up doing this accidentally because I just can't get her down for the "morning" nap until that late.  But, really, she still gets EXTREMELY eye-rubby and grouchy after a max of about 3.5 hours being awake, and it's in the morning that she tends to act the most tired and cranky.  She usually perks up after the morning nap - IF I can get her to take it, and if it lasts for longer than 35 minutes.  Would she still show lots of tired signs 2 hours after waking up in the morning if she was ready to drop to one nap?  I'll often have her in the chair giving her breakfast and she ends up smearing it all over her face because she's eye-rubbing so vigorously...

LadyCatherine185 - DD has a very similar schedule - down at 6, up at 5:30 - 6 a.m. (now that the clocks have changed).  Unfortunately, we don't nurse, and the bottle just doesn't work the same way.  That said, I think that she may be like yours and really just need re-soothing several times during the nap.  Funny, though, for quite a while she was regularly soothing herself through those transitions...

[LadyCatherine185]

it would probably take her some time to adjust to just one nap, but if you could do one longer nap a day she would maybe do better. you could try whatever works to soothe her back to sleep.. rocking/paci/shushing, etc.  it would be a transition, for sure, but try it for a week and see how it goes.. keep her out of the house (or at least super occupied) for the morning until 11 or so, then put her down for her nap and try to get 2 hours of sleep or at least rest out of her. it may take a week or 2, but for us this "schedule" worked really well.

eta: my DS1 (actually, both boys) needed motion to get to sleep. usually rocking. if i tried to lay down to get him to sleep it would not work. how does she get back to sleep when she wakes at night?

[TreeRose]

I'm so torn - totally understanding how you're feeling. I ask myself (and a bewildered DH) all the time when do I soothe her back down during naps and when do I just let her get up? If I let her get up (she's 6 mo), she ends up taking SEVERAL short naps (30-40 min tops) and is cranky most of the day. If I soothe her down during midday nap, she'll sleep for almost 90-120 minutes with the soothing every 40-45. It's a catch-22. I want her to learn to soothe herself. I've seen her go back to sleep (on the video monitor) after waking up... so what makes the difference? I just spent an hour and 20 minutes trying to get her down for afternoon nap - her schedule is off because I've been letting her get up after the 30-40, wondering if it would help. Augh. I am feeling completely insane at the moment. Echoes of a screaming babe in my head. 40 minutes into the try-to-nap cycle I'm nursing her again just to calm her down!!!!

Big hugs to you. I feel feel feel your pain and exhaustion.

[Kuba'sMama]

We're where you are too. I think my dd is almost ready to drop her morning nap, but not quite. My other kids had this period as well, so I'm not really stressing it. I find that after 1 they kind of settle into the one nap after lunch thing, which is usually about 2 hours (mine all did anyway). Before one is kind of erratic. She has 2 or 3 even of the 30-45 minute naps throughout the day. What I'm doing is kind of delaying the morning nap everyday so now she goes down for it about 11:00 (used to be 9:30!). Hopefully in another month it'll be around 12:30 or so, and will last longer. Hang in there, it's not set in stone, these things change so much in the first year and the naps do too. I do see that the babies generally all sleep in the 40 minute cycles. After one year, they learn to sleep through the sleep cycles and naps will naturally lengthen.

What I do, is I only put her down if she's tired, if she doesn't go down within 15 minutes or so, we get back up and go about our day as usual. If she's ready for her nap in half an hour, we try again. I've done the "naptime routine" for 2 hours thing with my ds, I'm so over that. Sometimes she falls asleep on my lap, or with her head on my shoulder sucking her fingers and then I put her down. Don't be too concerned about establishing a naptime routine at this point, because things sound like they're in transition now anyway. I always found it easier to establish a routine when they were down to just one nap. Good luck!

[P.J.]

Maybe this is a very obvious question, I know this has been an ongoing saga for you two....so excuse me if you've already answered this:

But will she ever sleep outside of the house? Like, could you load her in the stroller and go for a nice long walk and she'll fall asleep eventually?

I forgot: Is it your DD who only sleeps in the car? I know why you'd want to not rely on that, but my goodness if it'll ease your stress maybe you could just plan to go grocery shopping every day at around her nap time, or even drive somewhere nice and peaceful and once she's asleep stop the car, put on some nice music and read a book while she sleeps. Not ideal, I know I know, but maybe that would be better than what you have now???

In any case

[fishywishy]

omigosh, I could have totally written your post.  Sometimes it feels like I spend the whole day trying to get DS to go down for a nap...and naps, or the lack thereof, really stress me out too.  No advice, just wanted to commiserate!  Hugs! 

[newmamalizzy]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185 

it would probably take her some time to adjust to just one nap, but if you could do one longer nap a day she would maybe do better. you could try whatever works to soothe her back to sleep.. rocking/paci/shushing, etc.  it would be a transition, for sure, but try it for a week and see how it goes.. keep her out of the house (or at least super occupied) for the morning until 11 or so, then put her down for her nap and try to get 2 hours of sleep or at least rest out of her. it may take a week or 2, but for us this "schedule" worked really well.

eta: my DS1 (actually, both boys) needed motion to get to sleep. usually rocking. if i tried to lay down to get him to sleep it would not work. how does she get back to sleep when she wakes at night?
 

One 2 hour nap would be an hour more than she usually naps all day, which may be just what she needs because I really suspect she's running on consistent total sleep deficit.  Maybe she wouldn't seem so tired all the time if I could get a single 2 hour nap out of her...  And, yes, DD is a motion-sleeper, too.  Rocking/dancing/singing her to sleep was our old standby, but lately just stopped working :(  I actually kind of miss it.  Nowadays I can just snuggle back to sleep at night, or hold her and kind of jiggle while patting her bum.  Naptime just doesn't work the same way for her. 
 

Originally Posted by TreeRose 

I'm so torn - totally understanding how you're feeling. I ask myself (and a bewildered DH) all the time when do I soothe her back down during naps and when do I just let her get up? If I let her get up (she's 6 mo), she ends up taking SEVERAL short naps (30-40 min tops) and is cranky most of the day. If I soothe her down during midday nap, she'll sleep for almost 90-120 minutes with the soothing every 40-45. It's a catch-22. I want her to learn to soothe herself. I've seen her go back to sleep (on the video monitor) after waking up... so what makes the difference? I just spent an hour and 20 minutes trying to get her down for afternoon nap - her schedule is off because I've been letting her get up after the 30-40, wondering if it would help. Augh. I am feeling completely insane at the moment. Echoes of a screaming babe in my head. 40 minutes into the try-to-nap cycle I'm nursing her again just to calm her down!!!!

Big hugs to you. I feel feel feel your pain and exhaustion.

I'm sorry you're going through nap torment, too.  Just to put my two cents in, I usually save sleep-improvement efforts (like learning to self-soothe) for night-time because there's just that biological need for sleeping helping you along at night.  Maybe keep soothing at naptime for now and just try again with the self-soothing in a few months?  We saw HUGE changes in DD's sleeping style from 6 months to the present. 

Originally Posted by Kuba'sMama 

What I do, is I only put her down if she's tired, if she doesn't go down within 15 minutes or so, we get back up and go about our day as usual. If she's ready for her nap in half an hour, we try again. I've done the "naptime routine" for 2 hours thing with my ds, I'm so over that.

I started setting a time limit as soon as I read this, and I already feel better.  It makes ME feel so much less stressed out to know for sure that I won't be trapped in that room forever and ever.  Thank you. 
 

Originally Posted by P.J. 

Maybe this is a very obvious question, I know this has been an ongoing saga for you two....so excuse me if you've already answered this:

But will she ever sleep outside of the house? Like, could you load her in the stroller and go for a nice long walk and she'll fall asleep eventually?

I forgot: Is it your DD who only sleeps in the car? I know why you'd want to not rely on that, but my goodness if it'll ease your stress maybe you could just plan to go grocery shopping every day at around her nap time, or even drive somewhere nice and peaceful and once she's asleep stop the car, put on some nice music and read a book while she sleeps. Not ideal, I know I know, but maybe that would be better than what you have now???

In any case

Last summer/fall we every single nap in the stroller.  I'm going to start trying again as the weather gets nicer, but I'm not sure how she'll do in the "real" stroller (before she was in the bucket part of the stroller).  We shall see.  And, yes, that is EXACTLY what I was doing with her car-naps - I'd just plan to go somewhere in the morning.  She'd nap on the way.  We'd stay our until she got tired again.  I'd get coffee and read while she slept.  We did this for almost all of January and February.  It was nice for a while, but got kind of ridiculous, especially because I had to leave the car running for the heat.  I DREADED snow days.  And I also didn't like that naptime meant isolating her from me back there in the car seat rather than warm snuggling in the house.  Anyway, it had to stop, so here we are, struggling to find a way to make the indoor naps work.  Until spring, anyway...