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"Don't have any more kids, please!" - Page 9

post #161 of 234

I'm late to the party...

 

After I had my second, and had a boy and a girl, I would get, "Now you have your girl AND your boy." 

 

I would reply, "No, now I have my boy ROOM and my girl ROOM.  We're just going to keep piling them in now." 

 

The person would say, "Really?!?! How many do you want?" 

 

Then I would just say we were trusting God with our family, but I really hoped 12.  There's not much more for them to say at that point.

 

But, now that we have 4, and dh is home more and helps more out in public, even HE is getting the comments.  It's a fairly new occurance to him, but I'm a little concerned he's going to hit somebody....he doesn't take rudeness well.  There was a lady at a playplace who kept going on and on about how we had to keep trying until we got a perfect one.  See, she showed her friend, how perfect this little baby was.  Just so beautiful.  Well, just had to keep going to get a perfect one. 

 

Uhm, like my others are junk?  He was so mad.  I was impressed.  He didn't say anything.

 

I read on here once in another thread like this a mama always said, "Better full than empty" to the full hands comment.  I use that now, too, and it works really well. 

 

I just feel bad for my kids, though.  It's like they are constantly a freak show. 

post #162 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just1More View PostThere was a lady at a playplace who kept going on and on about how we had to keep trying until we got a perfect one.  See, she showed her friend, how perfect this little baby was.  Just so beautiful.  Well, just had to keep going to get a perfect one.


I suppose she just wanted to somehow emphasize how amazing she thought your baby was but, honestly, that must be one of the strangest comments I have ever heard!

post #163 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just1More View Post

After I had my second, and had a boy and a girl, I would get, "Now you have your girl AND your boy." 

 

I would reply, "No, now I have my boy ROOM and my girl ROOM.  We're just going to keep piling them in now." 

 

biglaugh.gifThat's great!

 

 

My DH gets crap, too. Unfortunately for him he looks younger than he is which is only 25 as it is so whenever he is out with the kids he gets stares and "are they yours?" all of the time. Usually if we are out together to get the job done faster he goes off with 2 or 3 and I go off with the other 2 or 3. It never fails that even just with 2 someone asks if they are all his. He replies "Yes, and I have 3 more floating around here somewhere." 

 

I do have to say that thanks to this thread I actually had a dream that some random guy I was talking to asked if my kids were all from the same father. 

post #164 of 234

 

Quote:
 There are some other issues that made it difficult for my parents to connect with all of us, but for me, I never felt like I got what I needed from them. Everything was always crazy and busy and stressful, there was no one on one time, it had to be scheduled if needed. I can remember being at my hs boyfriend's house with his family, two kids and mom and dad and it was so relaxing and they had these great conversations, there was always time to sit and talk and get to know their kids 

See, to me the bolded is the important part.  Are you *sure* it was about family size?

 

My parents had 4.  Although both worked, we remained a very connected family.  We did not do "crazy busy", though in the teen years we had the choice to do activities--some of us did, some of us didn't.  Having that many kids did not preclude having awesome conversations, nor having one on one time.  When we lived at my parents recently, there were 2 of us siblings at home semi-permanently, and 4 grandkids, and it was *fabulous*.  My parents are family focused, and perceptive about relational needs, and nobody was lacking.

 

Meanwhile I know people who have the same feelings about their upbringing as you do, and were an only or one of two or three.

 

It's all about family dynamics, not family size.

post #165 of 234

Of course I'm not sure, but it definitely didn't help things. There's no way to know how things would have been if they had stopped at three, or not had twins or whatever. I just know that I always felt that they thought it was more important that they let god decide how many kids they had, instead of considering the needs of the kids they already had. They were not equipped to meet the needs of 6 kids, but since they thought family planning was out of their hands and in god's hands, that's how many they had. I think it's important to find out what limits we have when having a family, how much we can give each child, not just material things, but the emotional support and love and time, those are so important.

post #166 of 234

I have a new one that happened to me yesterday.

 

I asked about mama's who had double strollers on FB and some recommendations.  My Dad's friend said "at the rate you're going, you should get the train from adventureland."  Um, well I only have two kids, I think that's hardly enough to fill a whole train.

post #167 of 234

A man stopped dh and I yesteday to ask if we were Irish Catholic.  I said, "No, we're not Irish Catholic, Pentecostal Holiness, or Morman, and yes, they're all ours."  It doesn't sound as funny now, but it really was in person...even the guy laughed. :)

post #168 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenlea View Post

I asked about mama's who had double strollers on FB and some recommendations.  My Dad's friend said "at the rate you're going, you should get the train from adventureland."  Um, well I only have two kids, I think that's hardly enough to fill a whole train.



That is just really strange! Could he have forgotten that you have only two kids or something?

post #169 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy View Post





That is just really strange! Could he have forgotten that you have only two kids or something?


The only thing I could think of was that it was maybe because they are only 19 mths apart?  But his daughter's kids are even closer together than mine.
 

 

post #170 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenlea View Post




The only thing I could think of was that it was maybe because they are only 19 mths apart?  But his daughter's kids are even closer together than mine.
 

 


I find that so funny about people- when it's their own it's perfectly fine. A woman was telling me about her daughter having her 10th and was just beaming with joy. Then I told her I was pregnant with my third and she was like "you know how that happens, right? Are you going to be done after this one?" rolleyes.gif

 

post #171 of 234


I don't know if i could continue speaking to her after a comment like that about #5.You must be a better woman than me.My mom doesn't want me to have anymore either(i have 2) ,bot is she gonna be surprised when i get pg later this year!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anglyn View Post




This is my mom. She's been brow beating me since baby number two not to have more. "Don't you know you have to support all these kids?" Really? Cuz no else is doing it! WTH? With my fourth she was so relieved that i had "just" done a home test and "you dont really know, theres still a chance" with number five, I kid you not, she said to me, (in a tone implying how unreasonable I am) "so I don't suppose you've considered anything other than keeping it?" Seriously. 

 



 

post #172 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just1More View Post

I read on here once in another thread like this a mama always said, "Better full than empty" to the full hands comment.  I use that now, too, and it works really well. 


Gorgeous love.gif

post #173 of 234

This thread makes me so sad...people just don't love children like they used to.  My own mother was not thrilled with our news of #2 and still shows almost zero interest in the pregnancy or baby stuff planning.  People have made rude comments on both my fertility and also the fact that if I want any more I'd better get busy because I'm getting old (I'm 31).  It makes me so...I don't know, depressed when the people around us that are supposed to be happy, just aren't, or their attitude toward children is informed by the world population and nothing else. 

 

I will tell you, the most beautiful moments my husband and I have had in public with our son were #1, in an Ethiopian restaurant.  The owner came out and gave our son a big kiss and whisked him away to meet all the staff and look around the restaurant.  #2, in an Egyptian restaurant.  The owner and his daughter kissed, teased, and played with our son the whole time we were there and weren't in the least distressed by the noise/mess.  And they thought it was pretty awesome that I'm pregnant, too.

post #174 of 234

Ooooh , I love those comments , too .

I had three boys first and when our daughter was born  people were like "great , now you can stop" eyesroll.gif

Like I only kept going , because I was desperate for a girl .

And now , that we are expecting number 6 , the comments are usually "Aren´t you gonna have to start countiong them ?Hehehehehe"

My DH and I just got to the point , when people make stupid comments or say stupid stuff , we say "we don´t have any other hobbies !"

post #175 of 234

I'm dreading the comments.  This will be #4 for us, andpeople (ESPECIALLY my parents were asking what we were doing for sterilization when we had the third.)  However, they love the kids and I suspect they have softened- some, and seen that not only CAN it be done, it can be done well. 

 

My kids have tons of one on one time and the family dynamic for us is better with two than it was with one, and better again with three instead of two.  I'm looking forward to seeing how it is with four!  

 

It's sometimes frustrating to hear comments, but when I see how happy our family is as a whole, it's easy to dismiss those comments as well. 

post #176 of 234

Regarding the ability to connect with each child on an individual basis, I spent several years in a foster/group home as a teen.  My foster family had a teenage son, and a newborn baby, plus anywhere from 10 to 14 of us girls.  They each took the time to spend with all of us, and I never remember a time when I felt neglected or alone.  On the other had, when I lived with my mother and step father where it was just the three of us, I often felt alone and unsupported.  So family size has nothing to do with it-it's all about how you parent. 

post #177 of 234
I actually can't imagine my children allowing me to get away with not having one-on-one time with each of them. Not to minimize others' experiences, of course. My children all make sure they have their special moments with me and my husband. We try to be intentional about it as well.
post #178 of 234

You really did not know they collect welfare? In Texas, where I live, 71% of the illegals are on welfare. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by kama'aina mama View Post

Undocumented aliens cannot collect welfare. I can't imagine why you think they can.

 

I'm gonna try hard not to address your thoughts on eugenics, since I doubt anything I would say is permitted to be said here,, and I hate pulling a Godwin, even when it's called for.



 

post #179 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

You really did not know they collect welfare? In Texas, where I live, 71% of the illegals are on welfare. 
 



 


OK, if they are illegal, and this is a proven fact, and your source is reliable, then how can they still be on welfare? If the government finds out you are defrauding or manipulating them, they revoke your services, stat. I've had food stamps revoked for a month because I didn't update my paystubs on time. Of course anything can be faked, but then you wouldn't know they were undocumented, would they? So this makes no sense. Now, it's possible that there are minor children of undocumented immigrants who receive free school lunch, medicaid, maybe WIC and I suppose you could, by being very general, come up with such a number. But those programs are very different from cash welfare.

 

ALL of the immigrants I know earn their own money. And I have been married into a family full of them, and my DP now has family who is undocumented in the US and others who have already been deported. DP and I are the only ones in the family on food stamps and I assure you we are born and bred here. None of them get cash welfare, and all of them have jobs. Of course there is the scum of the earth in every population. There are undocumented drug dealers, prostitutes, panhandlers, etc. Crossing the border does not change a person, so if they sold drugs there, chances are great that they will do it here too.  But it really gets my goat when people make these wild, all encompassing claims. Who in their right mind would pay thousands of dollars and risk life and limb to come to the US and collect $300 a month? 

post #180 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

You really did not know they collect welfare? In Texas, where I live, 71% of the illegals are on welfare. 
 



 


Illegal immigrants can collect welfare benefits on behalf of their American born children.  Children who are as American as anyone else.  Have we forgotten the whole "melting pot" thing?  Also, illegal immigrants pay a lot of taxes that they can't claim.  It balances out well enough. If you look at what's counted as welfare for immigrants, public schooling is on the list.  Pretty much everyone would be on welfare using those standards. 

I was on welfare when I had my first child and it really irks me to think that anyone would think he shouldn't be here.  It's not an exclusive right of the rich to reproduce.  We don't give IQ tests and do home-studies for intended (birth) parents.  We don't look at their debt to income ratio.  We don't know if their financial status is stable.  It's very arrogant for one person to try to assess whether another person is worthy of parenthood.  That's part of what is so aggravating about the "hands full" comments. 

 

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