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"Don't have any more kids, please!" - Page 10

post #181 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post

I actually can't imagine my children allowing me to get away with not having one-on-one time with each of them. Not to minimize others' experiences, of course. My children all make sure they have their special moments with me and my husband. We try to be intentional about it as well.


OMGoodness, AM - your twins just keep getting cuter and cuter!!  (I just noticed the new pic, and they are too cute!)

 

post #182 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post




Illegal immigrants can collect welfare benefits on behalf of their American born children.  Children who are as American as anyone else.  Have we forgotten the whole "melting pot" thing?  Also, illegal immigrants pay a lot of taxes that they can't claim.  It balances out well enough. If you look at what's counted as welfare for immigrants, public schooling is on the list.  Pretty much everyone would be on welfare using those standards. 

I was on welfare when I had my first child and it really irks me to think that anyone would think he shouldn't be here.  It's not an exclusive right of the rich to reproduce.  We don't give IQ tests and do home-studies for intended (birth) parents.  We don't look at their debt to income ratio.  We don't know if their financial status is stable.  It's very arrogant for one person to try to assess whether another person is worthy of parenthood.  That's part of what is so aggravating about the "hands full" comments. 

 


Thanks lady. I was trying to figure out how to say, "So, because I am disabled, I shouldn't have kids?" type of thing... you did it for me!

 

thumb.gif

 

post #183 of 234

 

We don't give IQ tests and do home-studies for intended (birth) parents.  We don't look at their debt to income ratio.  We don't know if their financial status is stable. 



And even with adoptive parents who fit the "good parent" criteria, their status can change. There are no guarantees, that's why none of these proposed "standards" of parenting would work anyway.

 

I have a cousin who was adopted at birth by my aunt and uncle.On paper they looked great. Married for ten years, both degreed, aunt was a tenured special ed teacher, owned their own home, grandma lived up the street. The birth mother was a college student and pastor's daughter.

 

Well, uncle was verbally and emotionally abusive to aunt and cousin. She left when he was 8-ish and they wound up in a shelter. To date he and his mother (he is 19) still share a one bedroom apt, he hasn't finished high school, is unemployed, can't drive, doesn't even have an ID, and has no clue what he wants to do with his life. I simply can't figure out how placing him with these "competent" adoptive parents made his life better. My point being, that what it looks like today, is not necessarily how it's going to be tomorrow. 

post #184 of 234

My 85 yr old granny often has negative comments about my family size and I only have two! 

Today she was saying how wonderful my boys are and then turns to me and says, "You've made your point. You can stop now."

I am always so careful to be respectful to her (I love her tons) but wow it's hard to not chew someones head of for such presumptuous crap! I just smiled a little and said ,"I'm not making a point..." I wonder what she will say if we have the five that we hope to have!!!

 

And as far as assuming that people on welfare/govt aid are unsuited to be parents, well that attitude makes me so sad. My husband and I live off of unemployment right now and he has the wonderful opportunity the go to college full time and be a more present parent than he was when he worked 12 hour days... Just because you see me in the local wic office does not mean I'm some ignorant societal parasite who just pops out babies... Wealth does not = adept parenting and poverty certainly does not = neglectful parenting!

post #185 of 234

Someone sent this joke to me in an email, but I thought it was fitting...

 

"A man boarded a plane with six kids.
After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"
He replied,  "No. I work for a condom company.   These are customer complaints."


 

post #186 of 234

Apparently today at work DH's coworkers were talking about cellphone skins, you know those rubber cases you put on your phone? DH said he had one but didn't like it so he took it off. One of his coworkers remarked "We know you don't like rubbers. You have 5 kids." rolleyes.gif

post #187 of 234
Comments like that make me stabby.

On the up side, Daniel (or as we like to call him, Number 4) just looked at me and said "Mama, thank you for having our babies. I love our babies." So I guess the people who really matter in this equation are all OK with it.
post #188 of 234

 

Quote:
Today she was saying how wonderful my boys are and then turns to me and says, "You've made your point. You can stop now."

What point exactly did she think you were trying to make? "My uterus works fine"? Bizarre.

Quote:
On the up side, Daniel (or as we like to call him, Number 4) just looked at me and said "Mama, thank you for having our babies. I love our babies." So I guess the people who really matter in this equation are all OK with it.

In my experience, kids in big families are nearly always tickled pink when their mother has another baby. The one exception I can think of was a semi-abusive blended-family relationship, in which the older girl had to do far more than her fair share of childcare of the younger kids. One family in our church just had baby number 6, and despite the fact that the pregnancy was ROUGH on the family (the mother spent about 7 months horizontal, throwing up and fainting), and that the baby was yet another boy when they were kinda hoping for a girl, the kids were all so thrilled with the new baby. It was nice. :) We always thought it was very exciting when Mum had another baby, too...

post #189 of 234



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post

Comments like that make me stabby.

On the up side, Daniel (or as we like to call him, Number 4) just looked at me and said "Mama, thank you for having our babies. I love our babies." So I guess the people who really matter in this equation are all OK with it.



That has got to be the sweetest thing i ever heard! I wouldn't have been able to keep from planting kisses all over his face.

 

post #190 of 234

I was at my Grandmother's home last week and I had my two boys there.  They were great, very well behaved, loveable little boys.  She said to me "I think you have more than you can handle."  I thought I was doing a pretty good job...

post #191 of 234

Well , I have a beautiful little anecdote about my older daughter , aged 7(number 4) . She was holding her little sister ( 11 months old ) and said "I don´t know , how we managed without her before she was born , our life was sooo BORING" love.gif

Ooooh , I could have smushed her for that , sooo cute !!!

post #192 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

I get the opposite. My mother thinks it is ok to have multiple children..but only if it is by different people. She thinks no one should have more than one. Except anyone who has not had a child with their current partner. So SIL married my brother and had 4 children by 3 different men. But my mother is all upset that she did not also have one with my brother. So 5 children by 4 men if she did? Yet, my mother is upset that I have had 5 children by the same man. I have two cousins that married people that already had children. In both cases, they went on and had a child with that spouse. My mother also found that acceptable because "they have a right to have a child together." So I guess the key was that if I left my husband and had the 5 children by 5 different men, my mother would have been ok with it.
 



 



In the words of Minion from Despicable Me..... "Whaaaaaaat?!?!".....

post #193 of 234

okay...ready? everyone will hate what I have to say. There are not many people who can take care of even ONE child. People have them, pour water on them occasionally, then do it again, and again. If you really can handle having child after child after child, and believe that they will grow up happy, get a great education and find career and partner that will make them happy go ahead. If you have child after child because you believe they will help the "world become a better place", great. But please people, don't be naive about the state of the world. It's pretty damn awful and having children means a lot more than having cute people to look over for about 18 years. I feel that we are all responsible for each other, it SHOULD be uncool to keep popping out kids without serious critical thinking. I could go deeper but feel I've said my peace

post #194 of 234


 

Quote

 

And as far as assuming that people on welfare/govt aid are unsuited to be parents, well that attitude makes me so sad. My husband and I live off of unemployment right now and he has the wonderful opportunity the go to college full time and be a more present parent than he was when he worked 12 hour days... Just because you see me in the local wic office does not mean I'm some ignorant societal parasite who just pops out babies... Wealth does not = adept parenting and poverty certainly does not = neglectful parenting!

perhaps not, but having money make life easier for everyone, and a lot of poor people are uneducated about making the best choices for their children. Wealth does give opportunities that everyone could benefit off of
 

 

post #195 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by hippiemom85 View Post

okay...ready? everyone will hate what I have to say. There are not many people who can take care of even ONE child. People have them, pour water on them occasionally, then do it again, and again. If you really can handle having child after child after child, and believe that they will grow up happy, get a great education and find career and partner that will make them happy go ahead. If you have child after child because you believe they will help the "world become a better place", great. But please people, don't be naive about the state of the world. It's pretty damn awful and having children means a lot more than having cute people to look over for about 18 years. I feel that we are all responsible for each other, it SHOULD be uncool to keep popping out kids without serious critical thinking. I could go deeper but feel I've said my peace


Speak for yourself. I happen to be a fabulous mother and every kid I have popped out does make this already great world an even better place. I feel really sorry for you if this is your view of the world and children in general, and your own child(ren) in particular Luckily, we don't all have to abide by your rues for who can and cannot procreate.
post #196 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by hippiemom85 View Post

okay...ready? everyone will hate what I have to say. There are not many people who can take care of even ONE child. People have them, pour water on them occasionally, then do it again, and again. If you really can handle having child after child after child, and believe that they will grow up happy, get a great education and find career and partner that will make them happy go ahead. If you have child after child because you believe they will help the "world become a better place", great. But please people, don't be naive about the state of the world. It's pretty damn awful and having children means a lot more than having cute people to look over for about 18 years. I feel that we are all responsible for each other, it SHOULD be uncool to keep popping out kids without serious critical thinking. I could go deeper but feel I've said my peace


It would be great then, if you could outline your definition of critical thinking required to keep "popping out" kids.  Then we could all go through the check-list to be sure we are childbearing correctly, according to your standards.  And how many is too many? Shouldn't we all be thinking wisely before we even decide to bring just one baby into this awful world? 

 

post #197 of 234
Here's what I honestly don't understand-- if I were to walk up to someone at an abortion clinic and demand they have the baby, I would be pretty universally condemned, right? Or if I walked up to someone who only had one child or no children and demanded they get busy and start procreating, I would also be condemned? So what is it that makes it OK to tell people they shouldn't have babies? Maybe it's not a good analogy; I don't know. It just seems unspeakably rude and personal to me to butt into other people's family planning choices, let alone to assume said choices are made out of stupidity.
post #198 of 234

I cannot stand when birth is summed up as "popping out" babies. That's so gross. 

post #199 of 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by kawa kamuri View Post

I cannot stand when birth is summed up as "popping out" babies. That's so gross. 


Me, either.  Especially since all four of mine were born via c-section.  No popping out a bunch of kids for me, I guess. 

 

post #200 of 234
Dang, If they just "popped out" I think I would have a few more. It is the nine months of throwing up, cramps, heartburn, hemorrhoids, mood swings, fatigue and sleepless nights, followed by hours of agony and weeks more of recovery. My last birth I had a severe PPH that almost killed me. Saying women are "popping out" babies is sort of like saying the US is "wrapping up" a war- far easier said than done.

I think if you have room in your heart to love them, money to feed and clothe them, and the firmness of character to shepherd them, then have all the kids you want. My only caveat is at some point too many babies really puts an unhealthy strain on a woman's body. That number varies by woman, but I wish families in those situations would consider adoption rather than putting mom's life at risk for one more biological child. We all know women who had one or more "whoops" babies, but I would hazard a guess that the majority of the women on MDC are unlikely to have a large family without planning for it to be that way.
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