"Don't have any more kids, please!" - Page 2

[Lisa1970]

I just say back "oh, I am planning 6 more" and they usually might say something, but I just nod that I do plan on it.

[rachieface]

I'm sorry, because that is unbelievably rude.  I think I too would be in the "oh my, why ever not??" camp.  Ugh.

My parents had eight children (I am the oldest), and people would often come up to ME and ask "oooh, do you like having so many siblings? so is this the last one? are your parents going to have more kids???"  Um, I DON'T KNOW, probably because I don't have an intimate knowledge of my parents' love life....... 

[Drummer's Wife]

I hate that.  I also have four kids, and I really would like to have one or two more.  I have no idea why in the heck people think it's appropriate to comment or say it's plenty, etc., what is it to them?  I'm not asking anyone else to parent these kids.  I can't imagine saying anything negative at all about the number of kids someone has, whether it's one or eight.  So rude!  I sometimes wonder if people are jealous, in a weird way.  Even if they themselves could never imagine more than two kids, maybe somewhere inside they wish they had the patience, finances, desire to have a bigger family.  I dunno. 

I guess my comeback to strangers is saying we have 4 more at home; or for people who know us that we hope to have a dozen. 

[Galatea]

I told my dad, and he said it is likely because we do such a good job with the kids, and make it look easy, that it is actually an issue of the person making the comment feeling intimidated and less than subconsciously.  I think he may have a point, and it was cool to have him pay me such a nice compliment!  But I agree, I should have just said, "Well, we don't even have enough for a basketball team, so we'll have to keep going!"

[shanniesue2]

I think I would be tempted to reply "did you really just say that?"

 

Originally Posted by scottishmommy 

 

Yes, and they need to be a boy and a girl and exactly 2.5 years apart.

This explains why people are starting to bug me about having more!  DS just turned 3 and I'm not pregnant, nor do I have any intention of becoming pregnant any time soon.  My parents were bugging me about it a couple of weeks ago... they NEVER bugged us about getting pregnant even before I was preggers with DS... why do they have to start now?  Bleh!
 

[frugalmum]

Ok-- this may offend some people and I apologize if it does.  We are hispanic and when someone says this (or more often, implies it) I point out that the hispanic birthrate is the highest of any other group in the US and that eventually we will outnumber everyone else .  This usually leaves them with their jaw hanging open and shuts them up.

Other times I just laugh and say that we love kids and that our kids are beautiful, which is the truth!!

[Kuba'sMama]

I also find that people are ALWAYS asking me about having more/being done, etc. I thought it was just because I'm such an easy going and approachable-seeming person, but after reading this thread I guess not .

So when I had 2 (boy and girl, 2.5 years apart) I guess everyone assumed I was done and nobody asked. But when I had my third it's like I'm building a baby army all of a sudden, lol. People I hardly know seem to think it's perfectly alright to ask "when is the fourth coming?", "are you done NOW?", "so how many more you gonna have" and my all-time favorite "when is your hubby going to get fixed?". Like, HELLO? My husband's fertility status should not be the topic of conversation, it weirds me out.

I think it's the human instinct of constantly comparing to others, maybe a bit of subversive competition... or people are just nosy and rude, i don't know.

[jeanine123]

Originally Posted by Galatea 

 But I agree, I should have just said, "Well, we don't even have enough for a basketball team, so we'll have to keep going!"

Nah, tell them you're going for a full football team and then have fun watching their heads explode.

[Mommyofalmost6]

it amazes me the way people dont have a filter between their brains and their mouths. Its sad really. I have 6 kids and have lost count on all the comments we get. Mostly the "they are all yours? you have 6 kids? your dont right?"

[Dmitrizmom]

is it bad... but I had the question asked of me after dd2 was born... my response was, "I'm trying to outbreed the idiots."  The questioner gaped and gasped.  I figure one rude question deserves an equally rude response.

[Lisa1970]

I love that one! I am going to use it next time. Ok..I am pregnant and announcing the pregnancy in a couple week so I am sure I will have plenty of chance to use it, LOL.
 

Originally Posted by Dmitrizmom 

is it bad... but I had the question asked of me after dd2 was born... my response was, "I'm trying to outbreed the idiots."  The questioner gaped and gasped.  I figure one rude question deserves an equally rude response.

[~Demeter~]

ooh Angie #4, I'm excited... can't say I'll be joining you this time though. LOL

I have 5. I started young but all of mine were wanted, not necessarily 'planned' but I was very conscious of my desire to have another. I;ve heard it all.. One of my favorites is when someone asks if I know how that happens, to which I reply I sure do! I'm apparently VERY good at it. ;) I've been told No More after the birth of my Marah but I'm not 100% sure we're done, either. We'll see where the future leads me. I don't use hormonal birth control (makes me very ill) and I'm 31... I've got a lot of years left in me. It's entirely possible there could be another.

[annettemarie]

I was told no more and unfortunately, another baby really would probably kill me. So when someone makes a snarky comment, I really just want to cry. I would love to have one more child.

[lolar2]

Oh, do go ahead and cry. They have it coming.

[delphine]

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

I don't know why perfect strangers feel the need to make these sorts of comments. If you only have 1 kid, people are always asking when you're going to have more (because one can't possibly be enough). But 4 is "too many"? What's the perfect number for drawing no comments...2?

I have 2 boys.  We were unable to have any more after the boys, though we desperately wanted more.  I can't tell you how many times someone has said to me "Oh, you really need to have a little girl" or "When are you going to have more?" 

It breaks my heart.  Every. Single. Time. 

[CI Mama]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy 

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

I don't know why perfect strangers feel the need to make these sorts of comments. If you only have 1 kid, people are always asking when you're going to have more (because one can't possibly be enough). But 4 is "too many"? What's the perfect number for drawing no comments...2?

Yes, and they need to be a boy and a girl and exactly 2.5 years apart.

People are just dang silly!
 

[justKate]

Originally Posted by Katielady 

That's exactly what I have! Lol. I guess if/when I have more, I'll be chided for ruining my perfect family.

Yes, you will!  How dare you interfere with others' plan for you!
 

[Spring Lily]

I've only got 3, but when my twins were younger we got a lot of rude comments from strangers. I found that the best way to handle them was to cut them off at the pass. They usually say a few things first before letting loose with the really rude stuff! It would usually stop them from going farther if my first response was "We're very lucky" or "We are so happy to have our children" or something like that.

Originally Posted by annettemarie 

I was told no more and unfortunately, another baby really would probably kill me. So when someone makes a snarky comment, I really just want to cry. I would love to have one more child.

Originally Posted by lolar2 

Oh, do go ahead and cry. They have it coming.

Yes! If their comments upset you, why not show it. Before our 1st was born, I had a miscarriage and a few months later someone started in on the whole "when are you going to have kids?" thing. Instead of holding it back, I just started crying! The person felt horrible, and I thought well, that is exactly why you have to be careful when you ask personal things.

[Thursday Girl]

when I got pregnant with my first I had a friend tell me that I wasn't ready to be a mother and that I would be a bad mother. When I had # 2 (a 2nd daughter) I had people apolagize to us because we were having another girl. Also people asking if we knew how it happened, if we were done, and asking us not to have any more. When we got pregnant the third time peopel repeatedly told us they hoped it woul dbe a boy this time IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTERS. When we found out it was a girl again peopel apolagized and said other mean spirited things to the point that my one daughter wanted to become a boy. They also again told us we should stop having kids.

People can be asses, I just ignore them mostly, but if they say things in front of the girls I respond so the girls know that they are wanted (and actually exactly what we wanted, both hubs and I wanted 3 girls) and to let the rude people know that they are being rude and hurtful.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by justKate 

Yes, you will!  How dare you interfere with others' plan for you!
 

I couldn't get the quote to include the one you quoted, but yeah.  I had a girl and then 2 years later a boy.  I swear people assumed #3 was an accident.  How could I not be done when I had the "perfect" amount of children? What is ideal for some couples is not ideal for others. Obviously, I wasn't and wouldn't have been content with just those two (love my first two so much I guess I wanted more like them!).  People are so rude, and weird.  I know they then figured we weren't trying for #4 as well, except that we were... and if we end up with #5, it will be the same thing. DH and I know what causes babies, thankyouverymuch, and I always knew I'd likely have a big family.  I don't get what it matters to anyone else. 

Yes, we have our hands full, but because of that our hearts are over-flowing.