"Don't have any more kids, please!" - Page 3

[Marissamom]

I come from a family of 4 girls, and we got a lot of comments growing up like "wow, your dad is really outnumbered" and such. and I remember hearing someone telling my dad once (when my youngest sister was a baby) that they should try for one more because "the 5th was sure to be a boy". my parents planned 4 children and wanted all girls. and it never seemed like 4 was a big family to us. we knew lots of families with 4+ kids and my dad was one of 10 kids. 

recently my pet-peeve has been people being so excited that we're about to have "one of each". DF wanted to have one of each, but I was really wanting two girls. it was frustrating to be upset and scared about having a boy and have people telling me that I should be over the moon because I was having the perfect family. no matter what, people just can't seem to mind their own business about family size and composition. 

[shanniesue2]

Originally Posted by Marissamom 

recently my pet-peeve has been people being so excited that we're about to have "one of each". DF wanted to have one of each, but I was really wanting two girls. it was frustrating to be upset and scared about having a boy and have people telling me that I should be over the moon because I was having the perfect family. no matter what, people just can't seem to mind their own business about family size and composition. 

I don't know that being excited for you b/c you're having one of each is necessarily a bad thing... I guess it depends on how they say it... like I guess if they're saying you'll have the perfect family b/c you're going to have one of each and not two of the same, that's pretty rude.  But on the other hand, maybe they're just excited for you and trying to express that and doing it poorly...I'm only saying that b/c when my friend got pregnant with her second and found out she was going to have another boy, I told her "Oh!  Two boys will be so much fun!"  Not that a girl would have been less fun... I was just excited for her and trying to exress it.
 

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by journeymom 

That's exactly right, lady.  Better Annette than you.

snort

LOL

[Anglyn]

Originally Posted by CallMeMommy 

I have 3 and my MIL has told us more than once "No more!"  Makes me want to get pregnant again just to spite her.  She also reamed DH up one side and down the other when we told her about #3.  She thought it was an accident and berated him for not using protection.  Except it was planned, and protection kinda makes that difficult.

I just told her "Well, we're not planning anymore, but nothing permanent has been done yet."  That's actually my standard reply when people ask if we're having more.  And it's true.

This is my mom. She's been brow beating me since baby number two not to have more. "Don't you know you have to support all these kids?" Really? Cuz no else is doing it! WTH? With my fourth she was so relieved that i had "just" done a home test and "you dont really know, theres still a chance" with number five, I kid you not, she said to me, (in a tone implying how unreasonable I am) "so I don't suppose you've considered anything other than keeping it?" Seriously. 

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

I don't know why perfect strangers feel the need to make these sorts of comments. If you only have 1 kid, people are always asking when you're going to have more (because one can't possibly be enough). But 4 is "too many"? What's the perfect number for drawing no comments...2?

Yes.  I have one of each.  After my daughter was born, people would have this look of relief on their face and say "Oh good, one of each.  Now you're set." (Now you're done, etc..).  I always said, "Actually, we're planning on 4 children" and just gave them a look until they laughed uncomfortably.

ETA: I should have said, "No", two kids still draws comments.  But then they definitely think they are saying the right thing.

Edited by Nicole730 - 3/16/11 at 7:56pm

[Pepe]

Wow, I'm speechless!  These comments are outrageous! 

As the mama of an only, I was *just* the other day fielding questions and opinions about THAT and the conversation was getting to a point where I was about to have to share my entire reproductive and career history in order to stop it--so it's interesting to hear about the other side to this. 

I can't believe people can be so rude.  

[EviesMom]

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

I don't know why perfect strangers feel the need to make these sorts of comments. If you only have 1 kid, people are always asking when you're going to have more (because one can't possibly be enough). But 4 is "too many"? What's the perfect number for drawing no comments...2?

Nah, I have 2, 3 years apart, boy and girl. Should be the "perfect" formula to ward off comments, right? Nope, I've had comments that I have too many or my hands too full or blah blah blah. People just like to be snotty is my thought. 

[number572]

Meh, not sure if it matters how many you have.  I don't have kids yet (although I've wanted them for years).  I've had people tell me that I need to "get busy" and that if I wait it'll be too late and then I'll regret waiting.  Also that being an older parent won't be enjoyable, and a rundown of how exhausted I'll be and how my body won't "bounce back" if I wait to much longer, or actually  asking my age then telling me how old I'll be when my kid is driving, etc.  ETC!   People just think things are their business that clearly aren't.  I usually smile and nod then change the conversation.

[Lisa1970]

Yes, the one of each remarks generally means "and no more." People were upset when I got pregnant with my 2nd saying how unfair it was to steal attention away from my first born and how I am overpopulating the world. That was on my 2nd!!!! With just two children, I was told it was overwhelming to have them around. My older sister would refer to them as my brood. When I got pregnant with my 3rd, certain people suggested abortion! Forget the fact that I spent over 2 years in fertility treatments trying to have him. As far as they were concerned, everyone is entitled to 1 child, 2 is questionable, more than that should be illegal.

Originally Posted by Marissamom 

I come from a family of 4 girls, and we got a lot of comments growing up like "wow, your dad is really outnumbered" and such. and I remember hearing someone telling my dad once (when my youngest sister was a baby) that they should try for one more because "the 5th was sure to be a boy". my parents planned 4 children and wanted all girls. and it never seemed like 4 was a big family to us. we knew lots of families with 4+ kids and my dad was one of 10 kids. 

recently my pet-peeve has been people being so excited that we're about to have "one of each". DF wanted to have one of each, but I was really wanting two girls. it was frustrating to be upset and scared about having a boy and have people telling me that I should be over the moon because I was having the perfect family. no matter what, people just can't seem to mind their own business about family size and composition. 

[Lisa1970]

Oh, and when I was pregnant with my first, my mother informed me that I need to have the doctors do a hysterectomy as soon as he is out. She claimed it was the best thing that ever happened to her and she wishes she had done it much sooner.

[LionessMom]

i want 2 more kids and would love to have them both be boys. i get told all the time that i already have too many and i should get my tubes tied. why cant i be the one to decide how many kids i should have? and i dont really care if they are boys or not even though i would like it. but i am sure that i will get the "so you are trying for a boy?" questions, even though it is bc i want another baby. period. i love having alot of kids. i love watching them with each other.  i love being surrounded by all of them.

eta: i just got told this 2 min ago. my DH is at a friends house getting a tattoo of a tree and he is putting all the kids names in the branches. i asked him if he was leaving room for a couple more. he said that is why he thought the branches were a good idea. i didnt know we were on speaker phone..... his friends started going off. "you already have too many!" "no more kids" "dont you have enough" i dint know what to say. i just kept talking to my DH. DH didnt seem bothered, but he is always telling me he doesnt care what other people think and neither should i. i <3 that man!

Edited by LionessMom - 3/17/11 at 11:51am

[contactmaya]

That is really a very rude comment.

I only have two, but I get the 'your hands are full' type comments frequently. I try to see good intent behind it. Often i get 'they are so beautiful, G-d bless them'.

 

One thing ive learned, people feel entitled to comment when they see children. Its strange how as a parent, you are suddenly target to a whole lot of opinions. I certainly dont feel i have the privacy i used to.

 

I really like that comeback-'the world needs more kids like mine'

 

[beenmum]

 We have 4 kids and when I was pg with #5 (which I m/c at 11.5 weeks) I got alot of "They know what causes it, right?"

Which I replied "Yep. And I like it"

My other comeback is "Why shouldnt I?" and "I guess thats up tp God to decide"

[AllisonR]

When I was pregnant with my second, and planning my home birth, my mom said "you know, you can get your tubes tied at the same time." My mouth fell to the floor out of shock. So unbelievably rude. None of anyone's business. In this case also irrelevant. I can't see my midwife hoping in my birthing tub in the living room, saying "ok, your done, shall we cut you open and tie up your tubes now?"

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by Pepe 

Wow, I'm speechless!  These comments are outrageous! 

As the mama of an only, I was *just* the other day fielding questions and opinions about THAT and the conversation was getting to a point where I was about to have to share my entire reproductive and career history in order to stop it--so it's interesting to hear about the other side to this. 

I can't believe people can be so rude.  

Yes, that's what it is, too. The opposite side of the same coin.  The 'I actually think it's OK to criticize to someone's face how many children they have' coin. 
 

[goinggreengirl]

My MIL said that she thought people should only have as many children as they have parents who are working. In other words, she said DH and I shouldn't have any more unless I go back to work! I guess you people who have all those kids need to find a few more parents to support them!

[puddle]

Originally Posted by goinggreengirl 

My MIL said that she thought people should only have as many children as they have parents who are working. In other words, she said DH and I shouldn't have any more unless I go back to work! I guess you people who have all those kids need to find a few more parents to support them!

Wow, MIL, DH and I have always wanted a big family.  I guess we'll have to start considering polygamy.

Now that I'm expecting #2 and will have one of each, I'm constantly getting the comments about having a matched set, how perfect our family is, and how we can stop now.  Before #2, I constantly got the questions about when we were having another.  (Ours will be almost 4 years apart--the horror!) 

The weirdest fertility-related comment I got though was when I was pregnant with my first.  I told one of my coworkers, and her first response was "Why didn't you tell us you were trying?"  I just stared at her and said, "So was I supposed to announce 'Hey, everybody, my husband and I are having sex!' or something?"  It's really bizarre how it's everyone else's business.

[gbailey]

This really bothers me. It's such a rude question to ask. My neighbor gets this a lot and it really used to bother her but now she replies, "Truthfully, I'm not sure who the father or fathers could be. They were conceived during my wild days."After that the person asking the question has nothing left to say! LOL
 

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy 

I get this a lot along with such rich variations on it as"do your kids have the same father?" and "I bet you've learned your lesson now" and "are you sure you know what you're doing."

It is mainly because I look so young.

I'm pretty fed up with people and their nosiness so I usually say flat out, "that's not really your business, is it?" Once, to an older lady who kept going on and on about how I should have stopped at one and didn't I know about birth control blah blah blah I just blurted out, "which one of my kids is the one who shouldn't be alive then?"

And I only have two.

Oh and another one, the lady thought I was 16, and said some pretty rude, age-biased things to me, and I listened politely and then said, "Well, I don't believe that about teenage mothers. I try to support them. I'm 23 and I've been revolving my life around my children since the day I got pregnant, so I know it can be done, I just try to encourage teen moms to rearrange their priorities too" etc etc. When I was done she looked really shocked and said, "oh! I just assumed you were a teen mom." And then I smiled and said, "well, you know what they say about assuming...." LOL

[MovnMama]

On both sides - "too" many or "when are you having more?" - both questions just RUDE. I like the feeling that we are all in it together against nosy nellies.

I only have one, but yep, once the 2 year mark hit, EVERYONE wanted to know when we were going to have another one. Like it's any of their business! So I used to just shrug, and evade the question. Then (because we WERE trying at the time) once I had a miscarriage, I just HATED to be asked that question. It did make me want to cry. So I told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but.

Them: "So, when are you guys going to have another one?"

Me: "Well, actually I've just had a miscarriage. Thanks for asking."

Sometimes, the person would want to offer condolences, as if I want any from them, I'll just cut them off.

"Yeah, thanks for bringing it up. I love talking about it." Call me rude. Whatever. I think I did tear up once or twice. The person just looked awkward. Good.

Oh, and also, WTF is up with the questions about husband getting fixed/why didn't you tell us you were trying? SO RUDE. If someone asked me about DH getting "fixed" I'd simply answer "no" and then ask "So how's your/your husband's penis doing?" Totally point out how rude it is to ask a personal question like that? Or maybe I could just ask why they are interested in knowing about my spouse's genitals? 

[PlayaMama]

this is interesting to me from a sociological perspective. if i think of it in a "it takes a village to raise a child" then children are, in a way, something that everyone should be interested in.

i could also see how there is the potential for large numbers of children to tax the "village" resources.

there could also be something evolutionary to it, in the way that seeing someone create many offspring will increase the likelihood of their genes surviving and the rest of the village might not be doing this, putting them at a disadvantage for genetic survival.

another thing that i think i take for granted is that it is relatively recent that women were able to control their childbearing. i know that many older women see this as a positive thing and might have a hard time understanding why someone would not take advantage of something that they would have liked.

i have two kids (boy/girl 3 years apart) and i'd love to have more, but it's really an impossibility right now for us as i'm just finishing school and needing to start working. so, when people comment, "you're so lucky to have one of each with such nice spacing" i like to remind them that i didn't plan any of them and it's just what life tossed my way. anyway, just trying to think of some reasons why people might feel like this is a comfortable topic to comment on.