My sister really wants her 2 girls to be popular. She has had them in cheerleading since 2 and 3 yrs old. (which, toddler cheerleading is not the same as high school or college cheer, which in many places really is a sport). One thing she has been doing for years, which I think is rotten, is she only lets her daughter invite kids who she thinks are popular, therefore, will help her daughter be popular. Therefore, she does not invite my almost same aged (just months a part) daughter to anything, even though her daughter has asked to invite my daughter. She used to say "but these girls are popular, you know how important that is, you understand." No..I don't! I have even tried to point out to her what kind of friends can they possibly be if she is so afraid of them rejecting niece if niece invites her own cousin to her birthday party? The only thing "wrong" with my daughter is she is smart, in to symphony, and that sort of thing. She is not obnoxious about it, nothing. My sister just does not want to risk having my not-popular daughter at a party with the popular girls. I feel like I am watching some sort of movie about junior high in all this. Niece has invited my daughter before only to have my sister come forward and tell me not to bring my daughter.
This has completely not worked for them. Because niece ends up with no good friends, my sister has transferred her schools many times. She has not transferred schools yet this year, but most years, she transfers mid-year at some point. I heard from my sister a few months ago, all upset because none of niece's "friends" showed up at her birthday party type celebration. My daughter had not been invited. Niece transferred schools midyear last year because she was not popular at the old school. My sister said that all the kids at that school were snobs because niece wanted to be friends with a specific "popular" group and they were not interested in her, therefore, she transferred her.
When that niece was 12 yrs old, a boy asked her out. My sister called me like it was the best thing ever. Then niece went out on a date with him once (movies, just the two of them) and decided she wanted to break up. My sister felt having a boyfriend was too important and told her daughter she was not allowed to break up with him. Niece defied her mother by breaking up with him on their very next date anyway. I think niece has a decent head on her shoulders, her mom is just a problem here.
When my sister called me today, she was upset over some issue she was having again with some of these new friends she has. I said back to her that maybe if she let our daughter's do things together, maybe they would end up being true friends that actually come through for each other. My sister did not expect that response from me and immediately started making excuses. She said our girls were too different, her daughter is "popular" and my daughter is not interested in being "popular" so she just thinks they could not get along. Ohh kay..she has not given them a chance and they have gotten along just fine in the past when they did stuff together. It is my sister who gets in between them.
About younger niece....she does not have a good head on her shoulders like older niece seems to. Younger niece is 10 yrs old and already dating and wears tons of makeup. These are one on one dates. My sister actually thinks I would be excited to hear about 10 yr old niece's unsupervised 1-on-1 dates. I would rather if she were not doing this, but mostly, I just do not want her to tell me about it! Last week, on Friday night, my sister invited me to eat out with her. Once there, my 10 yr old niece had tons of makeup on, including heavy eye make up. She was on her cell phone through much of the meal. I asked my sister to maybe have her put it away, but my sister informed me she had a hard night because her boyfriend stood her up! To top it off, while this is so minor compared to that, niece talks baby talk to my 9 yr old. When he went to butter his bread, she jumped up from her seat and grabbed his knife from his hand and said "nooo, sharp, knife is sharp." All in babytalk! I made her give him the knife back and reminded her that he is only a year younger. The law requires kids be in car seats to 8 yrs old here. So last year, when she saw my son in his booster seat in the car, she babytalked to him and told him when he is older, like her, he won't have to have that yucky ole car seat. She has been out of a car seat since she was 2 and she was forward facing by a couple months old. Her mother always claimed she was too mature for a car seat and to be rear facing.
SO...next time my sister calls me, frustrated and complaining about older niece being rejected by the popular kids, or younger niece being stood up on a date, how would you handle it? Would I be out of line to just lay it out there that I do not approve of what she is doing so I cannot talk about it? I have tried to be nice about it for years, but I think the whole thing is sick and I am tired of her calling me about these things. BTW, my sister is married (but her dh is always off fishing or hunting with his buddies it seems) and she has a college degree and is a public school teacher.