adjusting toddler (and me) to a new baby

[rgnolan]

Hey everyone.  So DD will be three months old at the end of the week.  She is darling.  She is extremely easy going, sleeps magnificently, and only complains if she is hungry or sleepy or in the car seat.  DS is 2.5 and the exact opposite.  Since the moment he was born he has been high energy, high needs.  He is extremely intense, has an incredible memory, full blown vocabulary, constantly CONSTANTLY moving, jumping, running, playing, talking, imagining, oh and throwing fits of course.  I feel incredibly lucky to have the children I have.  Here is the current problem I'm facing :  I desperately want to be able to spend some quality time with DD.  DS had so much attention when he was her age.  We were always playing on the floor and reading and working on motor skills and whatnot.  I wore him all the time if I was up doing anything, he wouldn't have it any other way.  I wear DS a lot too but when I'm making dinner or getting ready for the day I can simply but her in her seat and she watches quietly.  I worry that I'm not getting enough time with her.  I feel DS still gets the bulk of the attention because he demands it.  I feel like she is bored being carried around all the time and having constant noise around her but not much directed to her specifically. We don't have a tv or a lot of loud toys and most of our activities at home have the potential to be quieter but DS is just going constantly and thus makes a lot of noise.  I don't expect anything else out of him.  He is 2.5 and isn't doing anything he shouldn't be.  She seems to love watching DS play, she loves it even more when he actually slows down enough to talk and play with her.  She usually falls asleep during his nap which to most would seem like heaven for both kids to be sleeping at the same time but I would really like to have some time with her while DS is sleeping!  She even goes to sleep around the same time at night he does too so there is no time there either.  I think its easier for her to sleep during those times because it is the only time it is quiet!  Anyway I just can't seem to get enough of her.  Should I relax and know that she is learning a lot from the constant interaction between DS and I or should I make more of an effort to get some quiet awake time with her some how?

[lillianava]

Perhaps lay both them on the floor and interact together.  I have a 3 yo and and 7 mo and the older one demands the attention to.  So we all lay on the floor and play together plus its good tummy time for the little one.  I think each child should also have whatever alone time you can squeeze in with them....  Dad helps alot with that one for me.  He will play with the older one while I spend time weather its a feeding talking playing whatever I can squeeze in.   It will get easier.  

[Italiamom]

[NaturalMama311]

ITA agree with PP about putting them on the floor together.  I have a 2 month old and 2.5 year old who is very demanding of my attention, but she absolutely adores her new little brother.  I try to do some floor time once a day even if its only for a few minutes at a time.  DD loves that we are both down on her level and feels like she is getting the best of both worlds by having Mommy and little brother.  And DS loves getting the attention from his big sis - I think he smiles more at her than me and DH!  Most of the time DD ends up just playing with DS the whole time we're on the floor but she still feels like I am giving her the attention that she wants because I'm there on her level. 

DH has also been great about spending more one-on-one time with DD since we had our second child.  That time is usually short lived though because DD can't seem to stay away from me or DS for very long.  Now that the weather is warming up and we have more hours of daylight he's been taking her outside to play giving me and DS some time to spend together without them.  And even though I sometimes dread the night time feedings because I'm so tired, I do cherish that time I have to bond with DS with no interruptions from a toddler. 

I sometimes feel guilty that DS isn't getting near the amount of attention that DD got at this age.  But then I also remind myself that she didn't have an older sibling paying attention to her either, all of her attention was from me and DH.  So even though he may not be getting quite as much undivided attention from Mommy, he's getting lots of love from his big sister too.  I was talking with my mom about the same problem one day and she said she struggled with the same problem when I was a baby - I have an older brother who is 3 years older so she felt like I didn't get as much attention as he did.  Well, I seemed to turn out pretty good so I try not to worry about it too much! 

It's definitely a different dynamic having a second child in the house, but I don't think it's a negative impact on them at all.  The second child is getting a different kind of love and attention from an older sibling, plus still getting plenty of affection from mom and dad:)

[tzs]

this sounds like a dream situation to me (well, without the demanding-ness, i guess.) dd is pretty easy-going but i still kind of regret (although regret isn't the best word here) that she gets so much undivided attention. i think there's really something to be said about sharing attention. we're expecting in may and i actually look forward to dividing my time....or having a #2 who isn't used to being the center of attention 100% of the time. i think first kids sometimes might lack the patience that younger siblings have just from having to wait out if necessity.

and i also think that having older siblings around is one of the best sources of stimulation for a younger child. i love spending overnights at my SIL's house. with her 5 kids, dd is pretty much entertained without me, just taking in everything that's going on. that's something i can never give her when it's just me and her hanging around all day. in a way, i actually kind of feel bad for the #1 kid for not having all that extra interaction.

[mckittre]

I have the same problem.  A sweet easy-going 2 month old that spends way too much time alone on her rug happily staring at her toys.  And a demanding 2 year old taking most of the attention.  And I can't even say she's getting interaction from her big brother!  He doesn't find her terribly interesting, and ignores her nearly all the time (though he'll climb all over me if I'm trying to pay attention to her).  So I can't find any plus side for the little one in this (though I hope they play together when she's older).

[NaturalMama311]

Originally Posted by mckittre 

I have the same problem.  A sweet easy-going 2 month old that spends way too much time alone on her rug happily staring at her toys.  And a demanding 2 year old taking most of the attention.  And I can't even say she's getting interaction from her big brother!  He doesn't find her terribly interesting, and ignores her nearly all the time (though he'll climb all over me if I'm trying to pay attention to her).  So I can't find any plus side for the little one in this (though I hope they play together when she's older).

I think they get more from the older ones than you might think.  Even if the older one isn't interacting directly with the baby, the younger one is going to learn a lot by watching the older kid.  They learn a lot from us as parents but the younger siblings tend to learn more from the older siblings.  That's why a lot of younger siblings tend to crawl/talk/walk earlier than the first did - because they are trying to imitate the big brother/sister!  And I'm sure once the younger one becomes mobile and/or starts talking, your older one is suddenly going to be a lot more interested!