Is this a typical strategy everywhere? and another question

[midnightwriter]

It seems that here family dentists want to be the nice guy, and see kids only for check ups and cleaning. When there's a need for a filling or an extraction, they tend to refer to a pedi dentist with chair sedation, so that they can "preserve" the relationship with the child?

Do you think I'm wrong to let a new dentist know that DD is anxious about procedures? We thought that we finally found a great family dentist. DD really liked him, and he seemed to kind and respectful. Saw him twice. Then she got an abcess and he immediately referred her to a pedi dentist / sedation, and refuses to do it himself. I wonder if it is because I told him that she was anxious. The thing is, she IS anxious, she gets really upset in preparation at home, but then gets herself together and is very cooperative. She still might express her frustrations, tell the dentist she isn't happy, that she'd rather be elsewhere, and she tends to be very sulky afterwards, and sometimes cries. She IS emotional in general. She does cooperate. Everyone comments how mature and reasonable she is.(she had a lot of dental work done, so i know...)

She does NOT want to do the sedation--she hates being drowsy and hates the feeling of not being in control of her body. She doesn't want to be by herself with the dentist she doesn't know, while she is loopy and compromised. The family dentist is firm , that he won't take her for the procedure.

I decided to try a new dentist. We're going tomorrow. I was told that he doesn't refer out as much--he is older, probably 'old school', who knows. My neighbour's kids are treated there, and they really like him.

1. Should I tell him that she is an emotional person oveall, so he knows her baseline?

2. Should I mention her anxiety?

I already mentioned to the receptionist that we are leaving the current dentist because he won't treat her other than by referring her out.

I so want it to work out, and I want the tooth out. She gets upset (REALLY UPSET) every time the dentist is mentioned, and we can't be going from dentist to dentist...each time is traumatic for her. But she is also very reasonable--she knows it has to be done. She thinks is the worst thing that can happen--she normally a negative, dramatic, emotional person. And she is very clear--no sedation, unless I'm allowed to be with her.

So basically, how to approach this new guy?

Please help...

[possum]

We too have had lots of dental work for my son.  I have found that in this area (PA), most family dentists will not treat little folks (under 2) at all.  Some will see kids under 4, but most will not do more than an exam and cleaning until 4 or 5.  We were not pleased at all with the ped. dentist who saw my son, so we continued to search and found a great family dentist who works with little guys as soon as they have teeth and need to be seen.  He has folks who fly in from all over, but we travel about 1.5 hours to see him every 4 months.  We are more comfortable with him for lots of reasons, but I feel that part of his outlook on life is tied up in his decision to see the whole family.  The waiting room has books for kids and adults instead of a waiting room full of videos and video games with no books like we saw at the ped. dentist we saw.  He also looks to preserve his realtionship with the family as well as care for the teeth with a mind that that is just part of the overall health picture.  The ped. dentist had a very expensive plan for surgery and metal in my son's mouth after only a 10 minute visit. 

I'm sure there are good ped. dentists out there too.

[lindberg99]

My kids see a pediatric dentist all the time but I know they do take referrals for dental work from family dentists. I'm sure it's more a matter that the first dentist doesn't feel comfortable doing dental work on young children rather than your child specifically or because of something you said.

I wouldn't tell the new dentist much about your daughter. So many kids are fearful at the dentist, I'm guessing most dentists expect kids to be anxious. My oldest is kind of anxious at the dentist and they always want to schedule her in the morning. I guess maybe they feel less rushed than at the end of the day so maybe you should try for a morning appt.

Is there a reason why you don't want to go to the ped dentist? I like ours so much I wish I could go to her!

[umsami]

We've had such great experiences with the two pediatric dentists we've seen.  My son has needed two extractions due to crowding (with one dentist) and two cavities (with the other).  They did not need to do any sort of sedation with either...he was 5 for the extractions and 7 for the cavities.  The cavities were done with a laser and were painless (his report).  For the extractions, they used novacaine.  I was allowed to be in the room in the corner.  

Honestly, my kids have had such great experiences with pediatric dentists compared to my experiences as a kid with a general dentist that I honestly have no problem paying cash to see them.  It's worth it IMHO.  

As for your new dentist, I wouldn't mention anything.  It's normal for many people to be anxious before the dentist--so I don't really think it's that unusual.  

[midnightwriter]

Thank your for the responses. I wish we had those options. Sigh. The pediatric dentists do the sedation / no parent route here. That's why it is not an option for us.

We are meeting yet another dentist soon. It is stressful for DD just to go from dentist to dentist.