Limit setting and testing limits

[mary934]

There is an attitude amongst parenting books that kids are born to test limits and that limit setting is important.

Another view is children do have legitimate concerns and needs and their inappropriate behavior  is an expression of poor coping skills or unmet needs 

here is a helpful resource on the subject bringing the views of Thomas Gordon - parent effectiveness training , Alfie Kohn - Unconditional Parenting and Ross Greene - Lost at school and the explosive child , a cps - collaborative problem solving approach 

http://thinkkids.org/mythinkkids/messages.aspx?TopicID=190

Mary 

[coffeegirl]

I don't see how the two views you mention in the OP are mutually exclusive. That children need limits and that children will test limits is, to me, just common sense. I see it every day. And I didn't learn about it from a book. It's just the way people, and children, are.

Try raising your child without any limits and see how that goes. I see all kinds of people trying out these "new" parenting ideaologies (which, of course, they've found in new books on the subject) and all it is is the same thing. Parents still have to be in charge and still have to set limits, whether you state it in those terms or describe it in some other way.