Would you find it rude if a parent dropped their kid off at your house without getting out of...

[MamaMunchkin]

A neighbor of ours do this lately - it wasn't like this before.  But for a playdate last time, the kid just rang the bell on her own and no mom/dad in view anyway.  I know that they had to 

come with the kid because it's too far for the kid to walk on her own to our house. Kid is 6 yrs old btw.

And this morning, our neighbors had to get to work before the school bus came - so the kid came and waited for 30 mins for the bus at our place. My dd and that kid go to the same school.  Again, kid showed up on her own, dad stayed in the car and drove away. 

I may be overly sensitive here - but isn't it just common courtesy to bring the kid to the door in person?  Do you find it rude as well?  If not, would you do it too and if so, why?  I find it rude but would like to suspend my judment - thanks for any feedback.

[chel]

to drop off without getting out of the car, i could understand, especially with child being older.  maybe another child was asleep in the car or they were running late.  but i would never leave anyone, even an adult, until i saw that they made it inside.

i could easily see a dad not coming in, if he wasn't close with the adults in the family, especially if he had to get to work.

[savannah smiles]

If I had a head's up that the kids were coming over, I wouldn't have a problem with the parent not escorting their child to my door. If a kid showed up announced and it was assumed I'd supervise them, then I would be bothered.

[pianojazzgirl]

I don't know that I'd think it was rude.  I guess it would depend on how well I knew the other family.  I think I'd feel uncomfortable if it was a younger kid, or if the kid barely knew us and might be nervous or shy.  If the kid was older (6yo would be fine, imo) and I had already met the parent(s) several times and the kid was comfortable with us then I wouldn't mind. 

It might not be that the dad doesn't want to bother getting out of his car.  Maybe his kid likes feeling like a "big kid" by walking up and ringing the bell all by himself, yk? 

[MamaMunchkin]

Very interesting responses so far ... I wonder if this is perhaps due to some cultural differences ... I'm American but spent half of my life growing up overseas.  

I suppose there are other considerations, practical or otherwise, that may trump, well, at least

what I perceive as common courtesy (admittedly, there are variations on what's acceptable ...).

Your responses have been illuminating ... thanks - please keep them coming. 

[SubliminalDarkness]

It just varies. If it was someone I knew well and was pretty familiar with, I wouldn't be so concerned with the formality of walking the child to the door. 

[amma_mama]

I think that if a child that age had already been to my house a few times and I have already met and spoke with at least one parent, then I would not bat an eye (and assuming you knew the child was coming over)...perhaps they were in a rush or did not want to encroach on you with idle chit chat, since it was a drop off play date...

[Marsupialmom]

In the case of the 6 year old, I would honestly think it was the child expressioning his/her independence, especially if they had already been there.  

That early in the morning, I would have instructed my child to be quit so not to wake up anyone that might be sleeping.  I would not always walk my child in. 

I feel at 6 most kids are independent enough to be able to do this by themselves.  

[philomom]

Hmm, and see.. I would wait in my car until someone answered the door for my child. I'd wave to the parent at the door as I was backing out. I guess that's the middle ground.

Probably these folks are in a hurry to get to work and they forgot some courtesy. If they were using a daycare.. you have walk your kids all the way in and "sign" them in.

[pigpokey]

Originally Posted by MamaMunchkin 

A neighbor of ours do this lately - it wasn't like this before.  But for a playdate last time, the kid just rang the bell on her own and no mom/dad in view anyway.  I know that they had to 

come with the kid because it's too far for the kid to walk on her own to our house. Kid is 6 yrs old btw.

And this morning, our neighbors had to get to work before the school bus came - so the kid came and waited for 30 mins for the bus at our place. My dd and that kid go to the same school.  Again, kid showed up on her own, dad stayed in the car and drove away. 

I may be overly sensitive here - but isn't it just common courtesy to bring the kid to the door in person?  Do you find it rude as well?  If not, would you do it too and if so, why?  I find it rude but would like to suspend my judment - thanks for any feedback.

Uh, that early in the morning it's common courtesy NOT to come attempt to see me in my nightshirt, hair a mess and still drinking my tea.  Unless you expect me to get up and get dressed to see your child off on the bus.

No, especially with cell phones if you are expecting my child and I'm doing a drop off playdate I am not always going to come in.  If you need to talk to me you can call me.

[happysmileylady]

I am wondering just how far away the neighbor lives.  Cause around here..."neighbor" means within walking distance.  And if I had a 6 yr old, I would have no problem with a 6 yr old friend showing up unannounced to play with my kid.  Even if the kid was dropped off. 

Now, any child of any age being dropped off before school with the expectation that I would ensure the child gets on the bus because mom and dad have to go to work before the bus arrives, and no pre-arrangement at all.  That I would have an issue with.  It's one thing for a kid to show up to play and his parents are at home and easily accessible.  It's another to be expected to babysit while the parents are at work free of charge with no notice. 

[carfreemama]

I guess I'm different here. Dd is 7 and has lots of regular friends and playdates in the neighbourhood and it would never occur to me not to walk her to someone's door for a playdate. No parent has ever just dropped their kid off and not come out of the car to our house, either. I don't know if I'd think it was rude, but I'd be really surprised and looking around for the parent. Then again, we live on a busy street in a very residential neighbourhood; so I guess a child wouldn't be unescorted to our house, so that might explain it right there. I'm pretty sure by the time I was 6, I was running next door to my friend's house to ring her doorbell; after checking at home to see if it was okay. I don't think it would have occurred to MY mom to bring me over. But she was literally the next-door neighbour in the townhouse where we lived.

[~cassie]

I would probably walk them to the door the first few times but then let them do it the rest at that age.  I would NOT leave the drive until I knew my kid was inside though.

[MamaMunchkin]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady 

I am wondering just how far away the neighbor lives.  Cause around here..."neighbor" means within walking distance.  And if I had a 6 yr old, I would have no problem with a 6 yr old friend showing up unannounced to play with my kid.  Even if the kid was dropped off. 

Now, any child of any age being dropped off before school with the expectation that I would ensure the child gets on the bus because mom and dad have to go to work before the bus arrives, and no pre-arrangement at all.  That I would have an issue with.  It's one thing for a kid to show up to play and his parents are at home and easily accessible.  It's another to be expected to babysit while the parents are at work free of charge with no notice. 

I think you nailed it here ... btw, they live about 5 min away on foot.  I think you helped me see what's been going on ....

So, neighbor's kid dad called asking if we can take care of their kid till the school bus arrives.  No big deal, sure, except that, so far the kids get together for "playdates" only when they need childcare help - this has happened many times in the last few years.   It hasn't bothered much till recently - the kids enjoy each other's company anyway and if I happen to be home anyway ... sure.  But, I feel like they don't even bother to be nice about it anymore ... To be fair they do invite my kid to their house once in a while too, but somehow their kid ended up in our house waaay much more often and waaaay much longer.    

That's what it is, I guess - I feel like we're they're backup childcare as opposed to a neighbor doing them a favor - it's not even a childcare swap type of arrangement because the lopsided results so far.  Thanks for helping me clarify my feelings.  

[rhianna813]

I have only done the drop n dash once but it was with a good friend and she knew I was in a complete hurry.

Rhianna

[chel]

honestly, i wouldn't feel too used for doing the morning care.  i have a neighbour that works odd hours and i have offered anytime she needs before care to give me a call.  i don't do anything before dd1 goes to school, so having an extra someone for 30 minutes isn't a problem.  i would also not expect a parent to come in during the morning.  they obviously have something to do and they probably assume you aren't in the mood to chat  (that would take about 10 mins and they probably figure you would rather them just come 10mins later)

also by that age kids start to prefer which house to do playdates.  maybe one of the kids prefers your home.

[Drummer's Wife]

We do it all the time (DD's good friend's mom and myself).  She comes over, mom usually stays in the car and drives off after she sees her DD come inside (I tend to wave at her)... I drop DD off at their house, usually without getting out of the car.  Heck, the same goes for picking up, most of the time.  Our kids have cell phones, so if they don't see the parent picking them up waiting outside, it's just a quick text or phone call.

DD just turned 10, if that makes a difference. 

Her friend will also come by after school when no one is home at her grandparents house (who live across the street from us, so she can just walk over w/o an adult) - and I don't really feel used as far as after-school care.  But then these two girls are together pretty much for part of every day, so it's not like a new playdate - that I would, of course, want to touch base with the other parent for. 

eta: oh, and fwiw, there are many times when I am happy the mom didn't walk her DD to my door.  I may not even have a bra on, or I'm wearing shorts around the house and haven't shaved my legs... LOL!  Or, I just don't want to do the small talk how are you thing at that moment. 

[One_Girl]

My dd's friends dad does that all the time with his dd and I have no problem with it.  Both of us have our kids work out the details of the playdate then run it by us for approval though so we are just hands off that way anyways.  When her friend calls I hand dd the phone and her friend is handed the phone when my dd calls.  It is an empowering thing for kids to do and it is very common around here no matter what parenting style parents have.  Once the kid knows where to go there is really no reason for parents to be involved on a short walk to the door if the details for pick up time were laid out on the phone.  If a child showed up on my door to stay without calling first I would find that rude, unless they were within walking distance and just coming to the door to work details out for playing with my dd and they were able to go back home on their own if it wasn't a good time for having a friend over.

[contactmaya]

What you describe feels cold hearted  and a little rude to me. If, as a i parent, i felt the need to do this, i would mention it while planning the playdate. For eg, i would say, 'on that day, im going to be in a real hurry, so ill just drop kiddo and rush off, if thats ok with you. I hope you dont think thats rude.'  

If my child insisted on going up to the door himself, i would wait in the car, and do as a pp described-wave when i see the other parent.

But then again, im new to this whole 5 and up playdate thing.  Before this year (my ds is now 5), playdates were a social thing for all of us. Perhaps  I have alot to learn about older kid playdate ettiquette.  I have to admit, i am feeling a bit of resistence if this kind of behavior is the norm. And if dads can do it and its ok, well then pooh to them.

[zebra15]

I started doing a 'drop and run' for in home daycare when DS was 4-5.  I would always wait to make sure he got inside.  Now at 10 we are pro's at the 'drop and run'.  If I need to talk to the sitter/mom or they need to talk to me pick up is when it happens (or email.text).