Would you find it rude if a parent dropped their kid off at your house without getting out of... - Page 2

[happysmileylady]

Originally Posted by MamaMunchkin 

I think you nailed it here ... btw, they live about 5 min away on foot.  I think you helped me see what's been going on ....

So, neighbor's kid dad called asking if we can take care of their kid till the school bus arrives.  No big deal, sure, except that, so far the kids get together for "playdates" only when they need childcare help - this has happened many times in the last few years.   It hasn't bothered much till recently - the kids enjoy each other's company anyway and if I happen to be home anyway ... sure.  But, I feel like they don't even bother to be nice about it anymore ... To be fair they do invite my kid to their house once in a while too, but somehow their kid ended up in our house waaay much more often and waaaay much longer.    

That's what it is, I guess - I feel like we're they're backup childcare as opposed to a neighbor doing them a favor - it's not even a childcare swap type of arrangement because the lopsided results so far.  Thanks for helping me clarify my feelings.  

At 6, when within 5 minutes walking distance, I would probably expect kids to be starting to ride bikes to each other's houses.  Now, I am picturing within a neighborhood, not busy streets or anything.  But I can remember when I was in kindergarten going to the park that was about a 10 minute walk away, 5 minutes or less on a bike, with a friend of mine, no parents.  And when I was in 3rd grade, I remember my sister, who was 2 years younger than me, so in 1st grade, walking/riding a bike all around our brand new neighborhood, that we had just moved to, knocking on doors asking if there were any kids there to play with.  I remember, cause my mom made me go with her and I was so shy and embarrassed.

[MamaMunchkin]

Originally Posted by contactmaya 

What you describe feels cold hearted  and a little rude to me. If, as a i parent, i felt the need to do this, i would mention it while planning the playdate. For eg, i would say, 'on that day, im going to be in a real hurry, so ill just drop kiddo and rush off, if thats ok with you. I hope you dont think thats rude.'  

That's my initial reaction too - but I'm new to this dash-n-drop older kid kind of playdate myself.  And, yes, from the responses so far, I can see how it works, esp. with older children.  Though, right now, I'd be more comfortable with doing the above ... but depending on the situation, I'll probably be ok with a dash-n-drop too probably. 

Anyway, I never expected any chit chat.  Yes, it's early am - but that early it's always DH who opens the door anyway - I completely know what some pp's meant with not being presentable that early ... .  

If they had said "hey, thanks for watching my kid till the bus comes - have a nice day, bye" -  I probably wouldn't react "I'm not your kid's ... bleep ... babysitter ... bleep ..."   Just kidding - nah, the more I think about it it's just all those other little things with them over the years, this is just one more ...

Anyway, I do appreciate all your honest feedbacks so far ... learning a lot ... thanks!

[meemee]

i dont usually have any expectations so i dont find anything rude.

however...

when it is a playdate usually the parents or parent comes in to chat for a few minutes or stay longer (though the children push their parent out the door, esp my dd when we are going to someone elses house) and until now i hadnt realised how much i looked forward to that. 

however when its a babysitting duty (and they are different) then no i dont expect the parents to come in at all. 

a neighbour who lives 5 mins away at 6 in our neighbourhood i dont even expect the parent to walk with their child. the child could do it alone. 

[JudiAU]

If you know the child is coming, you have an established relationship with the parent, and the parent waits to see the child wait safely inside the house (and parhaps gives you a friendly wave) then I think it is fine. It would not be okay if the child wasn't expected and was just dropped off to wait with your child, if you didn't know the parent/ already have a relationship, or the parent doesn't wait. I'd follow up on any of these.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by contactmaya 

What you describe feels cold hearted  and a little rude to me. If, as a i parent, i felt the need to do this, i would mention it while planning the playdate. For eg, i would say, 'on that day, im going to be in a real hurry, so ill just drop kiddo and rush off, if thats ok with you. I hope you dont think thats rude.'  

If my child insisted on going up to the door himself, i would wait in the car, and do as a pp described-wave when i see the other parent.

But then again, im new to this whole 5 and up playdate thing.  Before this year (my ds is now 5), playdates were a social thing for all of us. Perhaps  I have alot to learn about older kid playdate ettiquette.  I have to admit, i am feeling a bit of resistence if this kind of behavior is the norm. And if dads can do it and its ok, well then pooh to them.

When my dd was 5 I felt the same way about this issue, in fact I was the helicopter parent even by MDC standards, but as she has aged and become much more capable of independence I have started to let go a lot.  I am actually more hands on and tend to shadow dd more then most of the parents in our area even with as much as I have scaled back.  I try not to think bad things about parents with older kids now because there has always been so much I would never do (sit on a park bench at the park, let my dd watch Disney, let my child go to a birthday party or on a playdate without me there, etc...) that I look back on and laugh at myself about.  There is a huge difference between even 5 and 7 in abilities and responsibility and a lot should change with regard to how much we shelter and shadow children in these age ranges. 

[contactmaya]

...come to think of it, my dad did the dash and drop thing with me. I must have been about 6 or 7. I remember him dropping me off at a friends place. When he came to pick me up, he waited outside in the car listening to classical music, and  conducting to it. My friend said me-is that crazy man your dad? He's  waving his arms everywhere'. I remember laughing and saying, he always does that to music. (ithought all grownups were like that lol)

So yes, he dashed and dropped. I dont recall ever meeting the parents of this friend actually.

So yeah, i gues its an age thing.

[weliveintheforest]

If I expect the child, I don't think it's rude.  The only time I've done this was at my sister's, when dd was expected and knows the house, and knew the door would be open.

[mommy2maya]

Before reading the responses, yes, I do that if the other parent is expecting my child, I do wait to see that they get in the door before pulling away tho.