When would it be cool to go "camping" with Nana and Grandma?

[Ldavis24]

My mom keeps bugging me about how she and her gf want to take DD "camping" this summer, without me. I say "camping" because it is in a fully functioning RV with running water, heat, electricity etc...I think of camping as you sleep in a tent and poop...well not in a toilet 

DD will only be 2 in June and I just think she is still too young to be separated from me overnight but my mom insists that she'll be fine and I need "cut the cord already". 

They want to have a special trip with DD and I get that but I am not into DD being away from me overnight. She wakes up at least once in the middle of the night, every single night crying out for "mama" and only settles when I nurse her back to sleep. 

My mom is getting fairly annoying about the whole thing. She asks me all the time. She asked me if I knew any other mom's IRL who wouldn't let their 2 year old spend a night away from mama and I said I don't know because I don't really know any other mothers in real life around here.

I don't think I am overreacting when I say I don't think she's ready. The truth is though, part of me is not ready either. I don't want to be away from her for the night. I have had the opportunity in the past and not taken it. The longest we have been separated is for about 12 hours when I went to a concert and didn't get back until late because we got stuck in the traffic jam trying to leave...

To send DD "camping" or not to camp?? I don't think it is a good idea but DH isn't opposed to it...Would you do it?

[D_McG]

hmm. I have a 2 year old now (2.5). And I have a 4.5 year old. I think close to 4 my son would have enjoyed it. I would probably wait until around that age. Maybe a little younger for my DD who has a different personality than my son.

[cjam]

I agree that 2 would definately have been too young for my kids. 3-4 would be more appropriate.  Regardless of what the grandparents and kids want, I don't want to be away from my kids for the night.  I'm not ready for it.

[mtiger]

I dunno - I'd be okay with it. But maybe try one night with them close-by, even in your driveway.

My Mom regularly came out to visit us for a weekend, so that Dad and I could get a night away. Even when the kids were little like that. Grandma survived, the kids survived, and a good time was had by all.

[Alyantavid]

If you aren't ready, you aren't ready.  There will be tons of time for camping and grandma stuff the rest of her life. 

[crunchy_mommy]

I understand about the 'annoying' because my mom is constantly begging me to let her spend time with DS alone (which isn't and may never happen!)... I've asked her repeatedly to stop asking but she keeps asking anyway.

Personally, I have a hard time seeing the point in a 2yo who is still waking up for mama in the middle of the night, spending a night away... unless there's a real reason for that to happen (mom has a business trip or whatever)... not that she wouldn't be fine if you otherwise trust your mom, but it just seems weird to me... the benefit would be for her, not for your DD, IMO... maybe you can suggest the trip happen next summer??

[just_lily]

Well my DD turned 2 last July, and wasn't ready for camping with me and DH last year.  We are tenters, so I know that is a little different, but I ended up driving home at 1230 at night because she wouldn't stop crying.  I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if I wasn't there.  We are planning on trying again this year. 

Could you all go together? 

ETA:  If you do suggest you go together, promise your mom that you (and DH if he goes too) will definitely take the opportunity to go for a walk or lunch or something on your own and leave DD with her for an hour or two of Grandma/Nana/DD special time.

[velochic]

I wouldn't be okay with it because my dd wouldn't be okay with it.  She spent her first night away from home when she was 8.  She actually had spent only a few nights out of our bed at that point, and that was to sleep downstairs with my mom, who lives with us.  We followed her lead on this and now, at 9, she sleeps independently.  At her school, they have a 2-night camp sleepover coming up and she can't wait for it.  She camps with Brownies.  She camped with her class last year.  She spends the night with other family now with no problem.  Just like any other developmental milestone, she took this at her own pace.

At 2, though - this would have never happened for us and I know MANY families like ours.  You are not abnormal for not having your child spend the night away from you.  What is the big deal about you going along, anyway?  Why does your dd have to be *without* you?  Does it change anything?  It shouldn't.  Because if your mother would do something when you're not around that she wouldn't do when you are, then there is a problem.  I guess I just don't see the reasoning behind her "needing" to be away from you.  I don't buy into the "special" time argument, either.  My mother has been living with us for years and dd has a very special relationship with her, even though she very rarely has ever been "alone" with my mother.  Mom does "babysit", but they don't go off and do special things together.  It hasn't made them any less close that I'm around when we do things that make memories.

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by velochic 

I wouldn't be okay with it because my dd wouldn't be okay with it.  She spent her first night away from home when she was 8.  She actually had spent only a few nights out of our bed at that point, and that was to sleep downstairs with my mom, who lives with us.  We followed her lead on this and now, at 9, she sleeps independently.  At her school, they have a 2-night camp sleepover coming up and she can't wait for it.  She camps with Brownies.  She camped with her class last year.  She spends the night with other family now with no problem.  Just like any other developmental milestone, she took this at her own pace.

At 2, though - this would have never happened for us and I know MANY families like ours.  You are not abnormal for not having your child spend the night away from you.  What is the big deal about you going along, anyway?  Why does your dd have to be *without* you?  Does it change anything?  It shouldn't.  Because if your mother would do something when you're not around that she wouldn't do when you are, then there is a problem.  I guess I just don't see the reasoning behind her "needing" to be away from you.  I don't buy into the "special" time argument, either.  My mother has been living with us for years and dd has a very special relationship with her, even though she very rarely has ever been "alone" with my mother.  Mom does "babysit", but they don't go off and do special things together.  It hasn't made them any less close that I'm around when we do things that make memories.

I just want to clarify that I totally trust my mom and her partner with DD as far as not doing anything I would disapprove of. They would even co-sleep with her because they know that is how we do things. Like a PP said, I don't get why it is so important to her but apparently it is a special "bonding" thing or something. I don't know, DD is too young to get what would be special about it IMO. I was not sure if it was just me not wanting to be away from her though because DH has been pushing for us to have a special night where we go the city and get a hotel or something, without DD...I am not cool with it but he thinks it would be fine. 

As far as camping goes in general, DD has been tenting with us more than once and she loves it actually. BUT that is with her sleeping snuggled in between mama and dada. Not her in between Nana and Grandma and mama isn't there to take over if she gets panicky or scared or needs to nurse or anything you know...

Why is that I read on here all the time about grandparents pushing for "alone" time with their grandchildren?? I know in this case there is no ill intent but it's just so a weird thing to me. DD already has a special relationship with them.

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24 

Why is that I read on here all the time about grandparents pushing for "alone" time with their grandchildren?? I know in this case there is no ill intent but it's just so a weird thing to me. DD already has a special relationship with them.

I don't get it either.  My mil is pushing for dh and I to have a weekly date night so she can watch the kids.  Dh suggested that she just come over once a week and hang out with them but that's not as good as her being alone with them?  I don't know, I completely trust her but I so don't get the grandparent/kid thing with no parents around.  I just don't see why it's SO important.
 

[limabean]

We started doing overnights with grandparents when DS was somewhere between 2 and 3, but if you're not ready I think that's totally fine. And honestly, if one of my kids' grandparents was annoyingly pushy about wanting alone time with my kids, it'd only make me less likely to say yes. I say that as someone who loves one-on-one time and encourages close individual relationships with grandparents, but none of my kids' grandparents push for it. Even though you know there's no weird intent behind their request, it's just annoying that they won't accept your answer.

I would probably say something like, "Mom, we're just not ready, and my answer isn't going to change anytime soon. Let's revisit this next year." If she kept up with the "Do you know any other parents who don't allow sleepovers" thing I'd probably laugh and say, "Oh come on! You're not really pulling the 'but all my friends are doing it' thing with me are you? You never would have let me get away with that argument when I was a kid -- and you taught me well!" 

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by limabean 

We started doing overnights with grandparents when DS was somewhere between 2 and 3, but if you're not ready I think that's totally fine. And honestly, if one of my kids' grandparents was annoyingly pushy about wanting alone time with my kids, it'd only make me less likely to say yes. I say that as someone who loves one-on-one time and encourages close individual relationships with grandparents, but none of my kids' grandparents push for it. Even though you know there's no weird intent behind their request, it's just annoying that they won't accept your answer.

I would probably say something like, "Mom, we're just not ready, and my answer isn't going to change anytime soon. Let's revisit this next year." If she kept up with the "Do you know any other parents who don't allow sleepovers" thing I'd probably laugh and say, "Oh come on! You're not really pulling the 'but all my friends are doing it' thing with me are you? You never would have let me get away with that argument when I was a kid -- and you taught me well!" 

hehe thank you for the quip limabean..I'd like to think my mom taught me well. It also doesn't hurt I don't really know any mamas with a LO my age so I don't have a reference point except from my MDC mamas. I know DH is so ready for a grown up night if you ladies catch my drift....I just get all mommy panicky thinking about DD being nervous and anxious trying to sleep all night without me...I think I am as attached to her as she is to me :)

[Shaki]

My DD would NOT have been ready for that at 2. And if my mom or MIL were pushing for it at that age it would drive me crazy. I might find a way to say "If you really want this to happen in the future, you need to back off for now. I've already said we are not ready for this yet and when you push me on this issue it feels like I'm not being listened to." or something like that.

If your Mom and her partner are cool with co-sleeping are they also cool with extended nursing? If they are they should understand that your NURSLING is not ready for an overnight away from you because she is still nursing. If they aren't and are into the whole "cut the cord/push for being independent" thing, than I guess there isn't too much you can do on that score--at least in terms of convincing them that your point of view is right. But whether they agree with you or not, it's your decision, and your DD will let you know when she is ready and wanting to do something like that.

You could pretend you know me irl! I wouldn't let my DD go camping without me!

:)

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Its all a matter of what YOU are COMFORTABLE with.  My kids have been having sleepovers at Meemas house (4 miles down the road) since Matthew was 11 months old.  They once went "camping" in a similar scenerio as OP is talking about, about an hour away from home, when mattew was 1.5.  I was comfortable with that.  You arent.  It doesnt matter what i did, or what anyone else does.  If your not comfortable until shes 7, thats your business.  Your her mom.  PERIOD.

[Caneel]

We didn't do a sleep over with nana until DS was nearly 2 yo.  You are definately not abnormal for not being comfortable with an overnight at this stage. 

DS started camping with nana and pappy when he was about 3.5 yo and he really enjoys it.

As far as special time alone together, that is something I understand but it took DH a little while to "get"  I grew up with grandparents that adored the grandkids and truly loved planning activities for us so grandparents wanting long stretches of time with grandkids is normal to me.  DH came from a different family, one that dumped the kids on the grandparents so he had a hard time understanding that some grandparents actively want to be with their grandkids. 

[JudiAU]

Um, no. I wouldn't be comfortable with it. But yes I guess similar pressure from MIL.

We did have a night away when DS was 2, about two months before I gave birth. Both grandmas spent the night at our house which I think is much, much easier for the child.

(My mom is happy to babysit but doesn't invite trouble or stress by spending the night with the kids until I ask.)

[Llyra]

I would be comfortable with it and would allow it. My kids have all spent time alone with their grandparents, even overnights, beginning very early. It's been an important part of the relationship they have with their grandparents, and an important part of how DH and I maintain our adult relationship. DD1 spent her first night away at four months old. My twins were older-- about 16 months-- because my mom didn't feel ready to handle two at once, and for some reason she has this fixed notion that twins shouldn't be separated from each other at all. Which I don't agree with-- but we waited until she was comfortable.

So I don't think it's an unreasonable request from a grandparent, and I think if you were comfortable with it, it might be a healthy and fun thing for your DC to do, if you trust your mom and think she will care for your DC well.

That said, if you are not comfortable, if you feel your child isn't ready, then there shouldn't be any pressure to allow it. Have you made a firm statement to your mom about your decision? I would say something like, "I'm not ready for this, and I don't think DC is either. Will you please stop asking? I'll let you know when I think it's time."

[Arduinna]

Not at 2.

But then I don't particularly like or trust my mom with my kid so that colors my opinion.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24 

Why is that I read on here all the time about grandparents pushing for "alone" time with their grandchildren?? I know in this case there is no ill intent but it's just so a weird thing to me. DD already has a special relationship with them.

Add me to the list that think it's weird, I don't get their need for ALONE time with my kid.
 

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Arduinna 

Add me to the list that think it's weird, I don't get their need for ALONE time with my kid.
 

Agreed. I had a great relationship with my grandparents (still do, with the ones still living) but I never spent time alone with my maternal grandparents and I only stayed overnight with my paternal grandparents maybe 3-4 times in my life (always with my siblings and often lots of cousins too) and twice they took just me out to the mall or dinner. Those were fun I guess but really completely escaped my memory until I was just typing this. So they did not stand out as something so amazing and special, and the other special memories (when my parents were right there) stand much closer to the forefront of my mind. I just don't understand the need for 'alone time'...