Can kids really decide for themselves when to wear a coat?

[carfreemama]

Just curious what you all think. Dd is 7 and I almost never say yes or no to this. She is very active and we walk a lot. She often takes off her coat in the middle of winter (Nova Scotia) when she is running around. I don't see the problem with this. I am a runner myself and I know I don't wear a winter coat when I'm out running, no matter what the temperature! She always has appropriate clothing available. I don't find she gets sick any more often (probably less) than other kids she hands out with. But other parents definitely seem to be uncomfortable with this. It makes it harder for them to enforce their own rules and I get the impression they think I'm extreme with this. I say, it's her body and how can I know if she's hot or cold? I want her to learn this for herself. She is never forced to go cold, even when she makes what turn out to be the wrong choices of clothing.

The only times I will intervene are if it's really going to make a lot of extra work for me; like if she has chosen not to wear rain pants and she then wants to get her clothes dirty in a mud puddle, I will probably say no.

There are SO many other things to battle about. I'm not talking about no hats and gloves walking to school in winter (unless, again, she's carrying them). But I'm surprised how many parents insist on coats no matter how much their children complain about being hot. Another parent who I really respect said that when they sweat, it chills them after they stop moving and the dampness can make them sick. Is this true?

[treemom2]

I've always allowed my children to decide what they are going to wear.  Sometimes, I'll tell them they might get cold later so they might want to bring a coat or an extra shirt.  I get comments all the time from other parents about my kids not wearing jackets. . .I just say, well, they aren't cold.  Colds/Sicknesses are caused by virus and bacteria, not by being cold or getting a chill.  

[crittersmum]

'Couldn't have said it better myself! I never did get, "I'm cold; you put on a sweater." However, roll on, spring and summer so the question of a jacket becomes moot!

[Leisha]

My dd is only 2.5 but i often don't bother battling her on the coat issue anymore...
Because she's so young I sometimes feel guilty I guess (and I know many other moms will see us and think "omg that mother doesn't put a coat on her child " )
But I also think (and have noticed!) that if she actually is cold, she will put on her coat without complaints. (I always ask/offer)
I am also a very "hotblooded" person, i am always too hot and almost never cold. So I guess she might take after me?

DD is definitely NOT sick a lot; in fact almost never... snotty noses, yes, but nothing major.

[carfreemama]

Okay, good. At least here I'm not the "odd one." Funny, though, it's this particular issue I seem to be out of step with the other moms and I really like them! No biggie, but it happened again today. My dd takes off her coat and the other kids we're walking with start doing the same thing. Then their moms good-naturedly say "oh, no, don't you DARE..." And they look at my dd and say, "but she doesn't have her coat on." It does feel awkward, especially when I'm walking her friend home and I know his mom insists he keeps his coat on. 

Oh well. Unfortunately, in Nova Scotia coats won't be a "moot point" for a while; though I guess you're right, it will become less of an issue. Today I felt the warmth of the sun here, I must say. I didn't want my coat on, either.

[katelove]

Originally Posted by carfreemama 
. Another parent who I really respect said that when they sweat, it chills them after they stop moving and the dampness can make them sick. Is this true?

No, it isn't. As a PP said, it is exposure to bacteria/viruses/fungi which makes us ill. There has been some suggestion that being cold can decrease the immune system's ability to fight infection but I have yet to see that proven. 

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by carfreemama 
There are SO many other things to battle about. I'm not talking about no hats and gloves walking to school in winter (unless, again, she's carrying them). But I'm surprised how many parents insist on coats no matter how much their children complain about being hot. Another parent who I really respect said that when they sweat, it chills them after they stop moving and the dampness can make them sick. Is this true?

As someone else said, it's not true. AND furthermore, being in a coat and getting hot will most likely make your child more sweaty (and hence prone to chills). The sensible thing to do if you buy that (false) theory is to take your coat off when you're running around getting hot and then put it back on when you stop!

[tinuviel_k]

If it is cold out I make my DD bring a coat, but I do not make her wear it. I figure that she will put a coat on when she is cold and take it off when she is hot. She knows better than I do how she feels temperature-wise.

[bonamarq]

This is such an issue for me! I cannot stand it when people try and make these decisions for children older then about 2- If you can't trust a 7 yo with this kind of a decision how are they ever going to handle the bigger stuff? 

I love Barbara Collorosso (Kids are worth it) and  her whole take on this which I was lucky enough to learn before I had kids...

[mom2happy]

I don't force coats either. If they are cold, they will put it on. Kids need to have some control over their lives. They don't deal with having every detail of their lives micromanaged.

They are living creatures that know when they are cold, hot, hungry. The only thing (my kids) don't quite get, is when they are tired. They would just pass out from exhuastion if I didnt enforce a bedtime.

[Polliwog]

I never force my kids to wear layers they don't feel they need. I'll suggest that they tuck a hoodie in their backpacks if it's going to be chilly but my son only wore his winter coat two or three times this year. DS has worn shorts to school several times in the past few weeks and DD is wearing some today.

[carfreemama]

Thanks for the replies about this. I am going to keep doing what I'm doing and let dd decide this for herself. I agree with a pp that kids don't need their lives micromanaged. I hated that feeling when I was a kid. Adults could determine EVERYTHING I did or said and I wanted to be my own person. I remember that feeling of being hot and uncomfortable, but being forced to wear my snowpants "because it's still winter." Apparently, I need to send a note to the school telling them it's okay for dd to take off her coat if she wants to.

[Vermillion]

Add me to the lit of parents who don't enforce the coat rule. We live in a place that has cold winters, so my son always has access to a coat, but he doesn't have to wear it. He is perfectly capable of knowing if he needs it or not, so it's his choice. Totally not a hill to die on in my book. Plus I wear a sweatshirt all winter long, I'm not comfortable in coats... so I'd be such a hypocrite to push for him wearing a coat!

And I just cringe when I hear other parents telling their kids they'll get sick if they don't wear a coat, hat, whatever... Spreading misinformation to kids is a lil pet peeve of mine.

[Disco Infiltrator]

I also don't require DS to wear a coat. We're lucky to live in a very temperate climate but it's quite rainy over the winter. He's pretty amenable to wearing a sweatshirt, so it's either that or his rain coat on a typical day. If he absolutely refuses, I'll bring something along to put on later if he gets cold/wet. It's simply not a battle I want to fight, and it's his business if he's cold. Speaking of cold, I'm cold and need to throw on a sweatshirt.

[HollyBearsMom]

This is one of my biggest pet peeve-the judgment about allowing kids to make their own decisions about clothing. My son rarely wears a coat and we live in New England. He runs hot and I trust him to decide when he needs a coat. I have never fought this fight, even when he was small.  He's 9 now and is good about throwing a hoodie or coat in his backpack or into the car in case he needs it.  When he was small I brought one a long for the same reason and let his temperature control decide when he needed it.

I have had posters on this board and others actually say they would call CPS if they saw kids playing outside in the cold w/o "proper" attire.  I figure these people have *way* too much time on their hands if they are worrying about what other kids are wearing w/o knowing the circumstance of the child/family.

[Kirsten]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinuviel_k 

If it is cold out I make my DD bring a coat, but I do not make her wear it. I figure that she will put a coat on when she is cold and take it off when she is hot. She knows better than I do how she feels temperature-wise.

Exactly - "wear it or carry it".  I have three kids.  One rarely even brings a coat places (but she is a teenager).  The ten year old wears her coat most all the time.  The seven year old carries it, and wears it half the time.
 

Originally Posted by bonamarq 

I love Barbara Collorosso (Kids are worth it)

Kids Are Worth It is a GREAT book!!
 

[RoViMama]

With regards to the other parents thing, I would just say, "ALl families have rules.  Some are the same and some are different" and leave it at that.  I talk to my daughter about that and I have said it outloud a couple of times when there have been different parenting styles around.  We do talk about following other peoples house rules but that wouldn't apply to coats outside!

[MomtoDandJ]

In our house, coats and proper footwear are non-negotiable items. I feel like kids for some reason don't get cold like adults do because I always see so many kids on the playground and such without coats when I am freezing and in a coat, hat and gloves. But then I just have to assume those kids get sick later because it really is COLD! So I let them pick things like whether to wear an undershirt or a sweater or thin socks or thick socks, but when it comes to what coat and what shoes to wear, I'm the one that decides.

One thing that's worked for us is that I only keep weather-appropriate coats and shoes in the closet. That way my son doesn't see (and isn't tempted by) his spring rain jacket when it's 5 degrees (and not raining!) outside. And in the week after a snow storm (I live in Chicago!) I put his sneakers away so the only shoes that are out are his snow boots. That has saved us a lot of arguments because when he doesn't see other choices, he typically is okay with my suggestion. Good luck!

[seashells]

Originally Posted by MomtoDandJ 

In our house, coats and proper footwear are non-negotiable items. I feel like kids for some reason don't get cold like adults do because I always see so many kids on the playground and such without coats when I am freezing and in a coat, hat and gloves. But then I just have to assume those kids get sick later because it really is COLD! So I let them pick things like whether to wear an undershirt or a sweater or thin socks or thick socks, but when it comes to what coat and what shoes to wear, I'm the one that decides.

One thing that's worked for us is that I only keep weather-appropriate coats and shoes in the closet. That way my son doesn't see (and isn't tempted by) his spring rain jacket when it's 5 degrees (and not raining!) outside. And in the week after a snow storm (I live in Chicago!) I put his sneakers away so the only shoes that are out are his snow boots. That has saved us a lot of arguments because when he doesn't see other choices, he typically is okay with my suggestion. Good luck!

It's totally your prerogative to enforce coats, and I won't argue with that. But if it was my kid you saw on the playground, nope, you can't assume that she got sick later :)

When I'm a parent sitting on a bench at a playground, I sure feel a lot different from when I'm a parent running around after my kid and climbing the equipment after her. Add to that the fact that her metabolism is also much faster than mine, and she ALWAYS runs hotter than me, whether she's being active or just sitting there - so my personal feelings of being cold are not very related to her body temperature.

Since I don't make it a control issue or a fight, I'll always have a coat (and hat/mittens if it's really that cold) available. I'll offer them if I think she's cold. If she is, she gladly takes them, no fuss.

I do realize that maybe there might be certain kinds of kids who simply will NOT notice even if they are getting frostbite. I think they are probably the minority though. If I didn't feel secure about DD being aware of her body temperature, I'd take a more active role in enforcing coats. But since she does take a coat when she wants, I feel fine that she can decide that for herself. And for sure, she does get hot and sweaty when she wears the same number of layers as I do.

[carfreemama]

This is the thing, though; dd gets sick less than most of the other kids. It really seems this is one of those issues that just won't go away. We are a very active family and I think this might have something to do with it, I don't know. But since we don't have a car and we have a dog, we're outside a lot. We have lots of different clothing options available and I think dd has gotten really good at knowing what she needs. Problem is, if dd has been outside without a coat and then does happen to get a cold, I can almost hear the "I told you so's" coming my way. I guess it would be different if dd was prone to getting sick a lot, though. I don't want to cause problems for anyone else. I know I've been frustrated when other parents have let their kids do things I won't let my own dd daughter do. Letting kids walk through a parade on a busy road with bare feet is an example that comes to mind. I could see broken glass around and of course dd wanted to go barefoot when her friend was allowed. But I did use the "different families, different rules" line with my dd then and I stuck to my guns. I didn't blame the other parent, though.

 

Originally Posted by MomtoDandJ 

In our house, coats and proper footwear are non-negotiable items. I feel like kids for some reason don't get cold like adults do because I always see so many kids on the playground and such without coats when I am freezing and in a coat, hat and gloves. But then I just have to assume those kids get sick later because it really is COLD! So I let them pick things like whether to wear an undershirt or a sweater or thin socks or thick socks, but when it comes to what coat and what shoes to wear, I'm the one that decides.

One thing that's worked for us is that I only keep weather-appropriate coats and shoes in the closet. That way my son doesn't see (and isn't tempted by) his spring rain jacket when it's 5 degrees (and not raining!) outside. And in the week after a snow storm (I live in Chicago!) I put his sneakers away so the only shoes that are out are his snow boots. That has saved us a lot of arguments because when he doesn't see other choices, he typically is okay with my suggestion. Good luck!