nightweaning: should it be dh or me?

[guitarmama]

Alright folks, give me the pros and cons of each.  I was planning on having dh nightwean ds over his springbreak starting this weekend, but now I'm wondering if I should be the one to do it.  Dh helps a lot with night-time parenting anyway.  When he's home in the evenings, he puts him to bed, and on weekends he puts him down for naps, so ds is used to dad parenting him to sleep.  I wonder if it would be harder and more confusing for ds to have me there with him but withholding the breast or if he'd get more comfort from me being there with him.  We co-sleep part-time (ds is not a fun bed partner), and either way the nightweaning would happen in in my dd's twin bed in the kids' room so that dd and the non-nightweaning parent can get some sleep in dh and my bed.  TIA!!

[Baby_Cakes]

I say both of you.

I know that's not a great answer!

But it's going to be really hard for you to hear baby's cries and not want to jump right in, even to rock or sing and not nurse.

When we did the whole nw'ing thing, DD and I coslept still, but when she would stir I would get up, rock/shush/sing, and then we'd go back to bed.  DH was only called in for back up when and if it was the 4th wake up for the night and I was dead on my feet or starting to lose control (i.e. getting mad at DD). 

But mostly this was b/c DH worked outside the home, and if I could get through the night then it was worth it b/c I could nap with DD during the day.  He was really just back up (though, I did use him quite a bit, I'll be honest!).

[Shaki]

When we nightweaned my DH took an active role. I think it was tougher for DD to understand when I did it, because if it was me holding her she'd be thinking the nursies were right there so why couldn't she nurse?!

I also felt it was important for DH to play an active role, if he wanted nightweaning to happen than he needed to be a participant in the process. If DH wants to see a change he needs to be part of the solution, you know?

Anyway that's how we approached it. It was not easy and it was the only parent led weaning we did, but it was worth it.

[sunnygir1]

I pretty much do all of the nighttime parenting here for two reasons 1) dh doesn't wake up easily, doesn't function very well, and is kind of a bear if he is woken in the night 2) dh works full time outside the home, and frankly he needs his sleep during the week...even now that I can't nap during the day because dd doesn't nap anymore it still makes sense for us for him to sleep during the week.

So, I think part of that has to depend on your dh, how you both do with sleep deprivation, how much work/stress you each have, and what tools you each have for getting your lo and yourself through the night.

I wish that I could trade off with dh at some point in the night.  You might want to consider that for the first week, that they  might be long nights, and you could either trade off every other night, or get the other parent to spell you.

I find that my los do great with dad if I'm not here.  If they know I'm here, though, they want me and it doesn't make much sense for me to lie awake listening to them cry, ya know?

Also, your lo can understand what's going on, and adapt to it.  Just keep talking to him.  He might be angry/frustrated that you won't give him what he wants, but I don't think fear and confusion come into it that much...at least in my experience.  But dd was 17-18 months when I night weaned her, and now I'm working on ds and he's 18 months too.

Hang in there mama, it's tough, but it really helps and you can do it (all of you)!

[HappyMommy2]

For my very-attached DD, it had to be me.  She cried in my arms a couple nights about not having milkies until the sun woke up, but then it was over.  If Daddy had tried to get her away from me she would have screamed bloody murder.

[nd01]

We're in a similar spot.  We decided that one of us would co-sleep in the baby's room while he got used to the transition (he usually starts in his own room and we'd bring him into our room once he woke up.  My husband works full time out of the house so it definitely makes sense for me to be the one who is in there.  However we started it over a weekend so I spent Friday in there, nursing two short intervals and then my husband did Saturday night and DS didn't nurse at all.  I did last night and will do the rest of the nights until the weekend.  I think DS did better with me because he is pretty attached and I do all the nightime parenting but I think it helped having DH do the first night of no-nursing because it made it a clean break and set DS's expectations for the next night.   Best of luck to you!  (FWIW, DS is 19.5 mos  and usually wakes 2 - 4 x a night.  He is not a great bed-sharer either and I fear he's going to catapult off the bed one night at 3am).