Enough of the "Why aren't you in school?" Questions!

[lonegirl]

I work part time and the 2 days I work ds is with hubby, the other days all of us are together (dh owns a business which is run out of our house).  I usually do my grocery shopping mid afternoon and DS is usually with me.  The number of times people (tyring to be friendly) ask my son "how old are you?" and he responds with 4....their automatic response is "oh? Why aren't you in school?"  DS tells them he is at home with mommy and daddy.  They then respond with "oh, well next year you will go to kindergarten and will go to school"  I either smile politely or correct them with "oh we are homeschooling right now as it is working great for us".  They get this look on their faces and tell me that well soon he will have to go to school.

Seriously? I think we are doing a great job with ds....I want to yell at them "how many four year olds are reading level 2 readers and doing addition, subtraction and starting multiplication?"  Sometimes if hubby is with us he will mention "oh he is doing great he is already reading and doing math and having lots of fun learning"  they look at him with such scepticism like of course we are lying.

Ok...that was mostly just a vent but I am sure others have gone through this too!

[mattemma04]

Lol, the questions and reactions just get more strange as your child gets older. Wait till peopel try to quiz your child! Or strangers try to convince your child how much fun they are missing by not being in school.

Don't get annoyed. Have fun with it!

[onyxravnos]

i feel ya :) even if DS was going to go to PS next year why on earth would i put him in preschool? 

[lach]

That sounds very strange to me.  Here all the preschools are 1/2 day, either morning or afternoon session, and either 2 or 3 days a week.  5 day programs are rare, and full day programs do't exist, except for daycare.  Where do you live that 4 year olds are all in school all day every day?

[lonegirl]

Originally Posted by lach 

That sounds very strange to me.  Here all the preschools are 1/2 day, either morning or afternoon session, and either 2 or 3 days a week.  5 day programs are rare, and full day programs do't exist, except for daycare.  Where do you live that 4 year olds are all in school all day every day?

I am in Ontario.  The school that he would be in is an all day 5d a week Junior Kindergarten program.  At 4 they go to JK not preschool here, then at 5 they are in Senior Kindergarten.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by mattemma04 

Lol, the questions and reactions just get more strange as your child gets older. Wait till peopel try to quiz your child! Or strangers try to convince your child how much fun they are missing by not being in school.

Don't get annoyed. Have fun with it!

  And the whole "Don't you WANT to go to school?" business used to seriously enrage me.

Mine is now 7yo and I think the 5yo year was the worst with the whole "Are you excited to go to school next year" from EVERY. LAST. HUMAN. ONTHEEARTH.  

At his current age, we APPEAR to be through the VERY worst of it.  When people ask what grade he's in, he says "first".  We don't get asked too often about why he's not in school, but we do get asked where he goes to school when we meet new people.

And yes, we were met with LOTS of skepticism about what he could (and couldn't) do.  He read VERY early and people would WITNESS it and not know what to think.  Seriously, people?  Then it became more like I was some crazy control freak that hot-housed her kid, and/or was trying to shelter him.  He was "too mature for his age" and it "wasn't normal"--to which I would respond "I know--what a shame."  (a shame that it wasn't normal is what I meant)

Oh... and then there are the people who are profoundly threatened by the fact that you're homeschooling your child because they feel like it's an attack on their decision NOT to homeschool their child.  So be ready to talk a person or two off of that ledge or lose a friend (or would-be friend) or two or endure some family drama on that front.

Fun times.  The things we do in the interest of educating our kids, right?

[gingerandpickles]

This is key advice!
 

Originally Posted by mattemma04 

Don't get annoyed. Have fun with it!

[Mittsy]

Originally Posted by mattemma04

 

Wait till people try to quiz your child!

I've already had this happen with dd(6 tomorrow), trouble is if she feels like she being put on the spot, or if it's somebody she doesn't care for; she'll shut right down and not say a word. Then come the lectures!

I just try and implement the hs bean dip approach and get us out of there fast.

[pigpokey]

Mine are 6 and 7.  Around here there are a lot of kids home schooled and it's the new normal.  Nobody asks why they aren't in school, but I think some strangers suffer their noise quietly wondering when they will go home LOL.  There was one busybody back in the day who wanted to tell me over and over how I needed a break and how great DD (oldest) would do in school.  She then desperately wanted to introduce me to some family she knew who did homeschooling "the right way."  Uh, yeah.  So glad you approve of them.

[chime]

DS is 4 and we've been getting a lot of the "Are you excited to start kindergarten?" type questions lately. He usually responds with a deadpan blank stare and then runs off. :)

I actually think (hope) things will improve once he's older, at least as far as the random "Why aren't you in school today?" questions from strangers at the grocery store. A lot of the schools here are year round on 4 different schedules/tracks, so there's almost always someone on a break of some sort. Hopefully strangers will just assume he's tracked out and not harass us.

Now, friends and family, on the other hand... 

[Roar]

Originally Posted by lonegirl 

Seriously? I think we are doing a great job with ds....I want to yell at them "how many four year olds are reading level 2 readers and doing addition, subtraction and starting multiplication?"  Sometimes if hubby is with us he will mention "oh he is doing great he is already reading and doing math and having lots of fun learning"  they look at him with such scepticism like of course we are lying.

Ok...that was mostly just a vent but I am sure others have gone through this too!

I'd just smile and very cheerfully say "he's homeschooled" rather than going into details about his math. We've been asked many times over the years and when we indicate the child is homeschooled the vast majority of people say something nice like "aren't you lucky" or "my sister homeschools and her kids are great." I really think this is a matter of attitude. If you feel defensive and hide or gush on with unnecessary details it isn't helpful. Be happy with your choices, smile and most other people will do the same.

[lizzie]

It gets more fun as they get older. Letting my dc answer the constant questions is pretty entertaining.

Random Person: "Why aren't you in school?"

DC: "Oh, we don't go to school."

RP: Blank expectant stare

Me: Too busy paying for groceries, texting, on the phone, whatever, to realize what's happening

DC: "Mom, can we go to the playground on the way home?"

Me: "Sure."

RP: Jaw drops open

Me: Realizes we're scandalizing some well-meaning ignorant RP, "We homeschool - they finished their assignments HOURS ago."

RP: "Oh! Ok! Hahahaaa...ha. .... ha"

And no.. no we didn't finish our assignments, let alone hours ago, but sometimes I just have to talk smack.

That being said, both here in SC and in CO before we moved, no one seemed to question homeschooling in and of itself. Just today two impossibly sweet white-haired ladies literally stopped us on our walk to ask if we'd lived in the neighborhood for long, and when they asked if the kids went to XYZ School, I told them we homeschooled and they were VERY supportive, telling me I'm "protecting them like a good mama". I was surprised such seemingly old-school southern ladies would react that way, but I'll take that kind of well-intentioned encouragement over the skeptical looks any day. But the quizzing?? That brings out the uh, aggressive mother? in me really fast. I'm too polite to really do what I'd like, start quizzing them on something you know they haven't thought about in years despite their high school diploma. Bean dip...  ENGAGE.

[kristandthekids]

I just reply with a "We are at school. We homeschool." The entire world is our classroom.

Originally Posted by mattemma04 

Lol, the questions and reactions just get more strange as your child gets older. Wait till peopel try to quiz your child! Or strangers try to convince your child how much fun they are missing by not being in school.

Don't get annoyed. Have fun with it!

werd.

"Don't you worry about their socialization??"
Don't you SEE us out being social right now?

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by kristandthekids 

"Don't you worry about their socialization??"
Don't you SEE us out being social right now?

OMG... that's the best.  My answers to this have varied.

In the beginning, I would try to actually defend my theory on this.  Waste. of. time.

Then, I got mad; and I would tell the people asking "Feel free to spend 5 minutes with my child and let me know what social skills you feel he might be missing."

THEN, I started getting smart and turning it around on the asker.  It often went like this:

Me: "What do you mean "socialization"?"

Them: (blank stare)

Or...

Me: "What do you mean "socialization"?"

Them: "You know, social skills"

Me:  "Like which ones?"

Them: "You know... playing with other kids and stuff."

Me:  (stare goes off into direction of my child who is likely happily engaged in playing with their child or some other obvious activity that completely invalidates their presumed issue)

It's been a lot of fun, actually.  :)

 

[Lisa1970]

Is this a Canadian thing? No one would expect a 4 yr old to be in school here. Then to add to it, I am in Texas where there are lots of home schoolers.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

Is this a Canadian thing? No one would expect a 4 yr old to be in school here. Then to add to it, I am in Texas where there are lots of home schoolers.

When I was in NJ, we got it a lot.  Homeschooling isn't exactly a foreign thing there because TONS of people at least pull their kids out for the K year because they believe the schools are pushing too hard too young; and yet, we got tons of that.

[lonegirl]

LOL thanks for all the replies!  I knew I wouldn't be alone! Thanks for all the ideas.  I am having a good chuckle at the responses.

[tankgirl73]

I wondered if you might be in Ontario.  We lived in Ontario until DS was 10.  I do remember the JK time frame... DS was in a swim class and I had to sit in the observation room with all the other moms and dads of the 3-5 year olds talking INCESSANTLY about NOTHING but school stuff.  Usually complaining.  Ugh.  I was alternately shocked at how much academics they expected in JK, or how little they actually achieved heh...

It seemed that the most questioning came from parents with kids around that age.  They were the ones who would have the hardest time understanding why we would NOT want to do JK.  Even though technically JK is 'optional', most people just assume it's what you're supposed to do... because everybody does it.  

We did get a lot of the "are you in school yet sweetie?" or "oh you're 3, that means you'll start school next year" or "are you looking forward to starting school?" kinds of comments.  Once he was old enough that he was obviously "school age" and out of that "are you in school yet or not" age, the questions changed.  We didn't get a lot of "why aren't you in school?" -- we'd usually get "oh, day off school today?"  Kind of the same question, but the latter is polite and friendly banter, the former is more accusatory.  

However, we didn't get a lot of ANTAGONISM about it -- once we were past the questions from the similar-aged parents.  95% of the comments were positive... "Oh, day off school today?"  "Actually, we homeschool."  "Ohhh... you know, that really is the best thing for them, isn't it?  Good for you." with a wink and a smile.  Like they're in on the secret, heh... 

And that's mostly what we still get.  Even now that we've moved to NB where homeschooling is MUCH less common.  The questions that I get are honest curiosity... "Oh, I've heard about that... tell me, how do you handle x y or z, do you have to do q?"  "well, we do this, and we don't have to do that because we can do this other thing."  "Oh, that's fascinating, you know I've often thought that would make more sense."  They're mostly curious about the 'rules' -- do we have to take tests or follow the provincial curriculum or do we take the same vacation days -- but they're not accusatory, they just honestly are curious because they don't know.  Once I explain (no we don't, we can follow the kids' interests and strengths as we see fit, and we sometimes work when school kids have vacations but we can also take vacations whenever it suits us), they always end up agreeing with us.  

The main trick is not to be DEFENSIVE when dealing with questions.  Most of the time, they're not trying to be rude, they're honestly curious.  I answer with joy and enthusiasm and positivity, not like I'm trying to convert them and without wishy-washy stuff like "it works for us" -- just the simple 'pro' column facts.  :)   I also try not to 'hide' -- I've been known to DELIBERATELY go shopping with my kids during school hours, for instance, just to show "look, we're not in school."  Kind of like breastfeeding in public, it serves to normalize the idea that kids don't have to be hidden away during the daytime, that it's so SHOCKING to actually see young people out and about in society... *sigh*

[accidental_hs'er]

I'm in Ontario and can attest to the 3-4 age range being bombarded with questions.  I think this is more of a pumping up of the kids and families about shipping off the wee ones.  I was guilty of it myself before kids.  The whole, "Are you starting school?  Aren't you excited?"  There has been a lot of change here over the last few years adding more schooling to the younger kids.  I think it is a reaction to that. 

Anyway, my kids are now 8 and 5 and we rarely hear anything.  We get the occasional 'No school today?' maybe once a month and we politely answer that we homeschool. 

In the beginning, Alex would look to me when people asked about school.  He saw how I answered it, assuredly, and that people left me alone or had a few curious questions.  I don't really exude a personality that says hey, I'm open to your unwanted opinions and advice ;).  In all these years I have met one hostile person and we just laughed him off when he was no longer in ear shot. 

The question doesn't offend me.  I just tell the kids to answer respectfully and leave it at that.  What other people do with the information is not our concern.  My kids are very happy about homeschooling and enthusiastic.  Its hard for strangers to shoot down a kid who says, 'I homeschool but really it is just learning all the time in many places.  The best part is I get to decide what I want to learn next.  I love math and science and reading...'  Lol.  People are usually pretty impressed by the time Alex is done with them. :)