My mom did my laundry until the day I moved out. Am I incapable? No, though, I sure wish I was. :) My brother brought his laundry home for a couple of years after he moved out; I did mine as soon as I moved out. My mom LOVES laundry, so she didn't mind doing my brother's.
It didn't seem to harm us as people, but I do appreciate it more and more with the ever-growing amount of laundry I do as a mother. So, in that regard, it worked out well for her.
Is it really about being rude, though? Obviously, I don't mean kids should stand in the bathroom peeing on themselves because they can't get their own button undone, but at some point isn't it important to be sure they have the skill for when you can't help? Or just because getting your own shoes on is important in itself?
I remember babysitting a little girl a LONG time ago - she was five or six. She couldn't get her own swimsuit on and off, couldn't clean herself up after going to the bathroom. I was really shocked. I had babysat for a lot of kids her age (I was getting work via word of mouth, mostly the mothers of her class mates) and this was the first time I'd run into one so dependent. I helped her, of course, but I wondered if she struggled with that stuff at school and if she felt bad about it. She seemed embarrassed to be asking for help.
Lately I feel like we've done for our daughter to the point of her doubting she CAN do for herself and certainly she lacks some of the skills other kids her age have.
Wow. Great thread. Great food for thought. These are many of issues I've battled with lately, too. I believe my daughter is too baby-ish. She's whiney and every-other-word out of her mouth is "I can't!" "But! I can't!" When I encourage her to try--try to put her socks on for example--it's followed with nothing but whining and crying and "I can't" for 30 minutes. The same goes for: tooth brushing, putting her coat on, getting herself a glass of water, picking up her toys, wiping herself, being afraid to go to the bathroom alone at night (but she'll go in there if she's playing with the cat. If she's honestly "afraid" of the bathroom at night, she wouldn't go in there for the cat, either), etc. I can't stand her behavior lately. She'll be in preschool this fall and she acts like she's 2, completely dependent on adults to cater to her.
My girlfriend"s daughter is very independent. She wipes herself w/o any whining, buckles herself in/out of carseat, opens the car door, dresses herself, etc. I'm almost embarrassed by my child sometimes. She's 4. She's book smart but she's "dumb" when it comes to socializing and self-care. It took over ONE hour one night to get her to brush her teeth by herself. One hour of SCREAMING that she can't do it. I turned off all the house lights and went to sleep. After that, she quickly brushed her teeth and joined me in bed. She needs to grow up a little. It's honestly pathetic as far as I'm concerned. But she's so damn stubborn I don't know how to push her to do things :( She can put her coat on/off and dress herself. She's usually proud to show me what she's done (in which I tell her how proud I am of her, etc). The next day, she'll tell me "she can't". Here we go again.....sigh.