I'm beginning to wonder if I need to see my dr for ppd. Or maybe I'm just alarmingly sleep-deprived.
The history is that I was not happy when I got pregnant and even less so when I found out there were 2 babies. My girls are 3 months today and I'm still upset about the pregnancy. I'm constantly thinking how much easier things would be if there were only one baby - going to the store, breastfeeding (which I finally had to give up), cooking dinner, sleeping. The other night I found myself thinking about how I didn't ask for any of it and this was just very unfair. I resent that there are 2 babies - not either baby individually, though. I think both babies are great by themselves. I don't think I've really bonded with them yet - I feel very disconnected. I'm scared to leave the house with the kids - I haven't ever gone anywhere with both babies and my toddler without another adult (with the exception of 2 playdates when I had someone to help me get everyone ready and others moms to help when I got there). When both babies are awake at the same time, I panic - not real panic, but it terrifies me. Shouldn't I be past these fears by now?
But then there are 2 babies - it will take longer to bond, right? And I'm averaging 4 to 5 hours of sleep so my emotions are going to be a little out of whack, right? I don't know - I think I just need to hear from other twin moms that some of this is normal.