It's been exactly one year since I found out my ex was sleeping with our nanny when our baby was just 8 weeks old. It's been exactly 9 months since he left to return to his crazy ex. He hasn't filed for any kind of custody and pays no child support which is fine by me. He sees my baby about 10-12 hours a month so I got what I wanted in that regard. But I still cry every single day. I miss him terribly and I work with him so I see him more than I'd like to but we're cordial. He's stopped threatening me. Worse, he tells me loves me but can't leave his current situation due to his other children (the ones he had before he left them, chose to have our baby and then left me). Yes, I know he's a train wreck, but I truly believe we are meant to be together and still blame myself for everything. I tried medication and it didn't help - side effects any my concern over breastfeeding and meds made me stop. I tried therapy - it sort of helped. I eat right, get out and do things, see friends, exercise, etc. etc. but I cry myself to sleep every night. I try to be thankful for what I have especially when I watch the news regarding Japan and other such tragedies but I honestly haven't been happy in a year. I have no closure and probably never will since there will always be a potential court battle looming in the background. I don't know what to do anymore. I have thought about moving away and starting over, but I dont' want to leave him. Stupid, I know. Everyone kept saying time will make things better but it hasn't.