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In Vitro using partner's egg???

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 

Has anyone here attempted in vitro with their dp's eggs? Since my partner does not want to carry I am very interested in eventually doing this and I was wondering how it went for anyone..

post #2 of 14
My wife and I have some friends who just had a wonderful baby boy in the way you're describing. The first woman went on fertility meds, then had her eggs harvested. They used donor sperm to fertilize the eggs, then had the eggs implanted into the second womans uterus. They only implanted one blastocyst and the very first pregnancy took! Now they have six other blastocysts in frozen storage for their next attempt, whenever that may be.
post #3 of 14

This very thing was just covered on Offbeat Mama! Check it out: http://offbeatmama.com/2011/03/lesbians-undergo-ivf

post #4 of 14
Thread Starter 


post #5 of 14

these moms did :) they now have triplet boys !



post #6 of 14
These two did it also--worked on the first try!

post #7 of 14

Congratulations. I'm new to the site and I came over your Thread. I'm currently searching for information on the process and the procedures. I will be carrying my partners egg. I want to get this show on the roll but i dont know where to start. Will you please message me so i can get a little more detail information. We want to be expecting around this time next year. Thanks in advance

post #8 of 14
Hey LovingNoel--Head on over to Queer Conceptions! They'll help you figure the whole process out--there's lots of knowledge over there and you can ask your questions and get an idea of what you're heading into.

Good luck! smile.gif
post #9 of 14
Thread Starter 

Noel-Sorry took so long to respond. This time around I am carrying with my own egg so I am not quite a pro at the procedure. I know you and your partner's cycles have to sync up and they retrieve the eggs from her and let them start growing (3-5 days) and then put them in you but I'm sure there is testing done before and I know they do injections to produce more eggs so I would say first step is to find which clinic you want to do all this with and pick a donor! Best of luck!!

post #10 of 14

Good morning,


would you happen to know the cost of the procedure?? thanks a bunch in advance for your time.

post #11 of 14

My partner and I are going through this process right now. My partner is the donor and I am carrying.  We have got pregnant twice but, unfortunately, I have miscarried both times.  My doc has assured us that the miscarriages are just bad luck and have nothing to do with the way we are getting pregnant. 


Our process, at a high level, is as follows.  You will want to connect with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) in your area.  We started with IUIs (me) but suspected that the age of my eggs might have been a problem so we moved on to the IVF option (with partners eggs) after six tries.  My suspicion is that, if this is the way you want to go from the beginning, it wouldn't be a big deal.  The RE will probably want to do some baseline fertility testing with both of you.  I can share more about this with anyone who has interest.  In the first round, the person donating definitely has the harder job.  They will leverage drugs to both sync your cycles and grow lots of nice big eggs for retrieval.  The drug protocols used vary some but always involve shots (that is the hard part).  Donating mom will be monitored via ultrasound (u/s) to see how the eggs are growing and assess appropriate time for retrieval.  When it is time for retrieval, a trigger shot is administered (the hardest one) at the prescribed time.  The actual retrieval itself is done in the clinic under come fairly strong sedation.  Once the retrieval is complete, the doc comes in and reports how many eggs they got and may give you a sense of size/quality.  We used frozen sperm that we had shipped directly to the clinic so I can't speak to how it would work with a KD but most clinics are well versed in working with donors on both sides of the equation.  Generally, within 24-48 hours you get a call back with a report on how many fertilized (generally a little less than the number retrieved).  My doc decides at that point whether they will do a 3- or 5-day transfer based on quality so we have to be flexible about schedule for the transfer. 


For the carrier,  the drugs you take (for me Estrogen and progesterone) are primarily designed to build your lining and create a nice warm welcoming environment for the embryos.  On the day of transfer, we go back to the clinic.  I have light sedation (valium).  While I do not get to go in the room for the retrieval, my partner is there for the transfer.  The doc comes in and lets us know how many embryos they have and the quality.  We confirm how many we want to transfer (generally 1 or 2) and the embryologist comes in with a little incubator.  They use external ultrasound to identify the right spot, place the embryo(s) in a syringe and doc the places in you.  We are both able to watch the whole thing happen via the ultrasound.  I spend 30 min resting in the clinic and the rest of the day taking it easy.  I continue on estrogen and progesterone throughout the TWW and then get tested.  If you have remaining embryos, they can be frozen for future transfers. 


Cost:  I sure this varies pretty significantly across the country but, for us, and IVF cycle that includes retrieval is about $12K (about $4k of which is the drugs).  Most clinics can connect you to financing options.  If you have embryos left that were frozen, an FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) is about $4k.  Though I have insurance for fertility, it didn't help a lot because they did not pay for anything associated with the egg donation and retrieval.  They only payed 50% for the transfers (which is a relatively small part of the cost). 


Legal Note:  The laws in different states vary a great deal but I highly recommend consulting with a lawyer as a part of this process to assure both parties parental rights are preserved.  Our clinic's "egg donor" contracts included relinquishing any rights of parentage which, in most egg donation situations, would be necessary but was certainly NOT what we wanted so we had to work with the clinic to modify.  Also, this is a relatively new situation for most states and courts, so you will need the lawyer to help you navigate your states specific rules once the baby is born. 


At the risk of writing a book on this, I will stop now but please feel free to PM me with any questions.





post #12 of 14
I'll pop in and say that we've considered this (are considering this, maybe) for future siblings. Although my insurance covers IVF for me (after I pay my yearly deductible) they won't pay for egg retrieval from my wife. Basically, once we have an embryo they'll pay to prep my body, put in the emby, and then pay for all of my care from there on out for the rest of pregnancy. They won't pay to stim or retrieve an egg from my wife because she has not been deemed 'infertile' (which would require her to go through 3 months of dr-supervised IUIs, and 3 rounds of clomid IUIs) and because there's no proof that I need to use donor eggs (since my own worked for the last round of IVF). They will pay to stim and retrieve eggs from me since I've been officially classed as infertile as far as they're concerned. Since the goal in our case would be for me to carry the second baby, we obviously don't want to throw any sperm at her and see if it works, so we'll have to decide if it's worth the 7K or so to use her eggs for kids in the future. At the moment we both doubt that we'll go that route, but I'm glad it's an option if we change our minds.

If you're just paying out of pocket for IVF, I think it'd cost about the same to use your partner as a 'donor'. You would just need to pay for birth control to get your cycle synched up with hers, but since you'd only be doing the stims and retrieval on one of you and the transfer on one of you, it shouldn't cost any more than if it were all being done to the same person. Good luck! smile.gif
post #13 of 14

Hi. I just read the costs involved here- a bit shocked. I helped some friends organise their cycle although they are from UK, but their specialist wasn't particularly helpful so they went elsewhere. There are a lot of clinics abroad who are LGBT friendly and will help couples to have IVF using their partners eggs and provide or use your sperm donor. You don't have to go through a legal process- it's one partner donating eggs to the other and the receiving partner does not have to prove infertility! As far as the clinic is concerned, it is a patient bringing their own donor, therefore both partners are required to have infectious disease screen tests done, the partner using her eggs will need hormone level tests and the partner carrying a scan to make sure there are no obstructions to carrying ( fibroids etc).

You can start meds and be monitored at home ( but you will pay US costs for meds which are about double) which means a stay of about 8 days abroad, or you can start meds with the clinic and have a stay of about 18-20 days ( you would be at the clinic to start meds by day 2 of your period, egg retreival is around day 14 depending on response, transfer day 3 or 5 after this). The clinic will synchronise your cycles, so allow at least 2 months ahead of time to plan.

Depending on which country you travel to ( I approached a lot of clinics and ruled out those not helpful) , the cycle costs are from 2000 USD ( without meds) or 4000-4500 with meds with the most expensive being around 4500 USD without meds.

Any extra viable embryos can be frozen ( freezing costs vary but are not high) and FET cycles are from 1500 USD.

You do have the costs of Airfares and Hotel but I think it still works out a lot less.

Hope I'm not intruding here- but there are other options that won't break you financially.

post #14 of 14

Thanks, Jnine, for pointing out the international options.  Once we run out of insurance (which will be soon), that may be something we have to explore further. I will point out that the legal ramifications after the baby is born will still be there.  In our state, and others, the carrying mom will be on the birth certificate with no way of putting genetic mom on the certificate. Of course this is lunacy and we plan on challenging in our state but is something to be aware of... To work around it, we plan on traveling to a different state that will allow same sex parents on the Birth certificate to have the baby then going back to our own state and challenging in the family courts to get an order of parentage.  For those of you in states with no second parent adoption and similarly restrictive laws, I would recommending consulting with a lawyer to understand your options.


I will reiterate Prettyisa's point that IVF costs (in the US) are no different whether using your own eggs or your partners.  The only difference is how insurance treats the situation which she explains quite well.  If you have reached the point where you feel like IVF is the next step in your journey then it is good to know you have those options.  My DP is significantly younger so our chances of success are, in theory, significantly improved by using her eggs. 


Happy to share more details of our experience with anyone thinking about this option.

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