Which will cause less of a regret?

[jxaynze]

I'm 17 and pregnant and If all goes well, I'd be giving birth on November. That for me, makes me feel both thrilled as well as worried. I'm thrilled because now I have someone in me. I'm gonna have a mini-me. However, I'm worried for many more reasons. I received a scholarship which paid all four years in any Undergraduate School of which I DO NOT want to give up. Coming from a low-income neighborhood, that means so much to me; it'd be my ticket out of this neighborhood. As much as I want to be pregnant and have a kid, I want to receive an education. I want the same for my boyfriend, which is why we decided on putting the child up for adoption. Which will cause less of a regret: putting the child up for adoption? or giving up on the scholarship? 

[happysmileylady]

Why can you not do both?  I did.  My scholarship was not full ride, it was half ride.  My dd is 15 and working on earning her own scholarships.  I was 17 when I got pregnant with her.  And, I ended up single as well.  There is NO reason that a 17/18 year old mom cannot go to school and be a parent at the same time.

I can't speak for which one with would cause less regret, because I chose option C

[Marissamom]

I was closer to being done with school when my DD was born, but I finished after she was born. DF started college when DD was 9 months. I know lots of students who are also parents. it is possible to do both. 

[anjelika]

Another student parent here - my son was at my graduation. 

Keep the baby and the scholarship.  There are days where you will be crazy stressed, but it will be worth it.  All the best to you!

[StephandOwen]

Being a student isn't forever. Being a mom is. Of course you should pursue an education if that's what you want. But that doesn't mean you can't be a mom too. What are your boyfriends plans in the fall? If you both are committed to it, you would not be the first young couple to go to college with a baby in tow.

I got pregnant at 18. I ended up being a single mom for years. I finally went to college at 25. I just got married. We have a house, 2 cars, a nice life. You are not doomed to a life of poverty just because you had a baby young.

On the flip side, if you both are sure you cannot raise a child right now then, yes, adoption is an option. It is a permanent choice though.

[ibusymomto5]

Dh and I were only 19, I was in college full-time and both of us were working, and we were married a few months when I got pregnant. Our dd was born during my fall and spring semester break. I had 3 weeks off, and my mom lived close by and watched her while I finished my last semester. It was hard, but doable. I finished school and passed my nursing boards the following summer. I only worked for a few years before I realized I really wanted to be a stay at home mom, but I've never regretted both having her and finishing school. BUT, if I had to pick one, I'd choose the baby in a heartbeat!

[homemademomma]

I agree- it is absolutely possible to do both. Good luck in whatever you choose!

[capretta]

I have no insight about your question, but I do know a little something about college.

It may well be possible to hang on to your scholarship, but delay it for a year or two. I wasn't pregnant, but I delayed college for one year and was able to hang on to mine. The same is often true of college admissions - if you have already been accepted to college, you may be able to delay entry without having to reapply. Before you make any decisions, you might want to contact your scholarship organization and your college to see what your options are.

Additionally, you might want to do some research about programs available at your college. Particularly at a large university, there may be daycare options and academic counselors who can help you balance your school and family responsibilities.

I don't think option C (baby and school) is an easy answer. College can be hard even without a kid to deal with, but know your options. Best of luck. I hope you find the right answer for you.

[Buddhamom]

I think this is a VERY personal decision that only you can make and should probably talk to someone close to you, yet objective.  Everyone can give you opinions, but everyone is different and only YOU know your limits and capabilities.  Remember, what ever choice you make, you will need to be able to live with and deal with, no one else.  Now, that being said, I personally got pregnant and married at 18 and didn't start school until I was 23.  However, I ended up being a full time Mommy after all was said and done because I wanted to put all my time into my children, BUT, it was a struggle in the early years with a lot of tears and stress, but now I am glad I did it.  It was the kind of stress that can make or break a relationship which I am lucky to say we are still together after 22 years of marriage.  Now, on the other side, I happen to be an adoptive Mommy too so I also think adoption is a nobel, unselfish choice as well and can't imagine my life without my precious girl! We have had her since she was three days old and she has made our family so very happy. Adoption is something you should research competely and probably talk to an adoption counselor to get a better feel of what it is about. Good luck and I hope you find the peace you seek with either decision.

[Lisa1970]

I am not sure which one will have the least regret. With adoption, you can chose open adoption so you know how your baby is through the years. You definitely should not give up the scholarship. Good luck!!! ((((hugs))))

[~Amy~]

Are you permitted to defer your scholarship for a year?  Some allow this, some don't, but it's definitely something to look into.  But as others have said, even if you can't defer the scholarship, you CAN have a baby & go to school.  It will be very hard, but it's doable.  If it's something you want to explore, definitely start looking into subsidized and/or free daycare options now.  Some universities have their own daycares or ones close by that offer discounts for student parents.  There may be more private grants and/or loans out there as well specifically designated for student parents.  Good luck to you.  It's not an easy decision to make.

[JudiAU]

You have your whole life ahead of you, a very very good opportunity to receive an education, and a poorly timed pregnancy.

 Can you be the parent you want to be if you have a child now? Can you achieve your other personal goals? I would have been a very different parent at 17 and makes me really sad to think about it.

Personally, I would choose adoption. There is another family out there ready to give a child a loving home. They are stable financially and want a child very much. Many people are interested in open adoption so you'll information and pictures if you choose. Adoption is such a loving choice for all the people involved.

[HappyMommy2]

I think no matter what you choose, to give up the baby, to give up the scholarship, or keep both, you will sometimes wonder if you made the right decision.  All of your choices are difficult, but when you choose to accept one of them and move on, you will be okay.  You will have to work hard!  And some days you might wonder what would have happened if you chose differently.

Good luck on your journey, and with your choices.  You can do it!

[WhiteHorse]

I got pregnant my senior year of HS with twins. My boyfriend abandoned me, but my parents were very supportive and encouraged me to live at home and they helped with college. The college I went to was not the one I had chosen, nor the major I really wanted but the college was close and I was able to go part time the first two years in my program until the daycare waiting list allowed my twins to be in the university daycare. I graduated with a 5 year degree in just over 5 years. For me, college was doable. My twins are 21 now.

Long term regrets however are this - I was not a mature person when I was trying to do the day to day raising of two boys. I made many mistakes due to just being young, stupid, and not entirely happy in my situation. My boys did not have a father in their life at all. They missed out on a lot of things. My one son suffers from depression now, even though he is a wonderful person and doing well in his own college voyage. So far, they have turned out very well, but if I had not had a strong family supporting me and them, financially and just being there all the time with me helping, I dont know if that would be the case.

When you have a baby at a very young age, the child is what shapes your life, not your dreams or plans for the future. Raising a child is an every single day of your life occupation for 20 years. Your decision to keep or adopt should be more based on whether you feel you yourself are ready mentally and also whether you have enough support from your family to help - because you cannot do it alone. Even if you have a bf in the picture, the reality is when the baby comes along, it might just be you night after night when he decides to play video games for hours or go out with friends. This is the reality of some of my young friends who have children. Are you ready to give up your freedom and youth? I know it seems like a harsh question, but in the back of your mind, you will many times feel trapped by the child and in some little ways may resent him/her especially if other things in your life are going wrong.

You need to talk through your expectations with your bf and your family. Talk about what you think your daily routine will be and how you all will do certain things - just so there are no surprises. Don't assume your mom will watch your baby - make sure to talk about it up front and beforehand. If your family are doubtful, you are going to have to find alternate support that WILL be there when you need them. Find out what the childcare options are and how much it will cost. You have lots of planning to do, and don't put it off.

With all that said, I do not regret keeping my twins. We had some rough times, but I would not give them up for anything. If I had it to do all over again I would still choose to keep them, but there are other decisions I might have done differently. My advice to you is to think everything through and talk everything through at length before making any lifelong decisions. Get as much perspective as you can and look at yourself honestly. Talk with some other mothers who gave up their babies for adoption to see what their feelings are. Good luck and blessings to you and your baby!

[blessedwithboys]

I got pg the week I turned 17 and although I did not have a scholarship hanging in the balance, I was an excellent "gifted" student in HS and was the type of kid about whom people would say "She can do anything/be anything she wants."

I decided not to marry my then-bf, but nothing and no one could have convinced me to give up my baby.  The thought never crossed my mind.  I'm 34, ds is 16, I still haven't gone to college (did trade school though) but that was my choice bc all I wanted to be was a FT mom.

I generally have very negative feelings about daycare (it was an option I personally never considered for my kiddos) but I think your baby would be happier in daycare for 40 hrs/wk and in your arms all evening rather than given in adoption.  I know how terrible that sounds and I don't intentionally mean any offense to anyone who has chosen adoption.  In fact, a close family member placed her baby and I agree that it was the right choice for her bc she was unwilling to stop abusing drugs at that point in her life.  Also, I have always felt pulled to adopt a daughter, even when I was a littel girl I felt this calling.  Still, you seem to have your life together and it sounds like you are considering adoption merely for convenience.  I know I'm being super-judgy, sorry.  Maybe if you will feel resentment toward your child, it would be better for you to place him/her, but otherwise, in your shoes I would keep my baby and still try to find a way to go to school.