Breaking Bad Habits...

[physmom]

We had to stay with the in-laws for 2 months and during that time DD picked up some bad habits.  I was actually gone for over two weeks both due to work and medical reasons so quite a bit happened when I wasn't there (add to that that DH was also going through a depressive state so he wasn't completely there either). 

So here's what they did that I want to fix now that we're finally in our own place (and feeling infinitely better than when we were staying with them).

-Sweets they gave her wwaaaayyy too many sweets and now she's constantly begging for them.  One day FIL brought DD back from eating lunch and his mother's house and happily announced that DD ate 3 pieces of cake! And when I asked him why in the world he thought it was a good idea to let a 2 year old eat 3 pieces of cake he just said she asked for it. Oh, and he's like "it's not like it makes her fat".

- Zero independence.  4 adults and one demanding super cute toddler = DD had constant attention and now expects it now too.  Many things that she used to do all by hers (eating, puzzles, putting on certain items of clothes etc) she now demands help and won't do it without help.  She also plays a lot less by herself now.

-TV they let her watch a lot of it and not even cartoons we approved of (they kept letting her watch Scooby Doo even though I told them a million times that she gets scared and has nightmares because of it and another show where the main character hits her friends often).

-Potty Regression. They  never asked her as often if she had to go and many times would be too lazy to bring her potty with  and make her go in her diaper instead.

DD absolutely loves the in-laws and keeps asking about them. They aren't bad people but DO have a lot of issues.  She's bound to see them often, though, because they live very close.  DH and I have both talked to them about these things until our faces turned blue but they just don't listen.  They still treat DH very much like a kid (MIL is better about it but still does this often) so they don't really take what we say seriously.  That being said the great-grandparents are still alive and treat FIL and MIL like kids too so I guess they come by it honestly... (and you can just imagine how they treat DH and I, they'd spoon feed us probably if we'd let them...).

[tzs]

we've dealt with some of the issues that you have and things seem to go back to "normal" pretty quickly. 

over here there was a period of a few days where dh gave (my then 16 m/o) a piece of licorice. now, i have no problem with sugar if it's appropriate, if we are having a dinner and everyone is getting cake then she will too. but still, there's no reason a 16 month old even needs to know that candy exists. i'm all about avoiding tantrums by not introducing unnecessary treats (i worked in a preschool and i've witness enough apple juice tantrums to last me a lifetime.)

anyway, for those few days we would have a toddler standing guard under said cupboard and tantruming everytime she wouldn't get it. but we rode it out and they seem to forget very quickly.

i also had her in half-day daycare for all of 5 months while i worked and our first few days of being home after i quit were remarkably different than they had peviously been. it was like all ability for independent play had been sucked out of her. she brought me books and toys non-stop. well, that's what they do at daycare, it's all child-centered all day long. it took a couple weeks but all is back to normal. 

i wouldn't worry about it too much. they seem to be very resilient. i mean, we have to deal with this stuff all the time on a smaller level. there's always going to be someone who gives her something i wouldn't on a one-time basis. and everytime dd spends an afternoon at my parents house who adore her and dote on her the whole time, we have a slightly harder evening while she adjusts to not getting 100% attention. but she does adjust and she does forget the lollipop that somebody innocently gave her as well. i think all we can do is keep it consistent as much as we can at home, yk?

[physmom]

tzs- Thanks for sharing your experience.  I know it will probably go away eventually (hopefully soon!) it's just been so exhausting with the constant struggle with her over sugar.  I have to hear her asking every few minutes for yogurt (normally we just make our own smoothies and never buy flavored stuff), gummi worms, or cake. 

Oh man, I totally understand the toddler standing guard thing.  I had made a cake awhile back (my kind of cake with whole wheat flour and a natural sweetener) and along time after it disappeared DD would still go and open the fridge and beg for the cake.  Sigh..

So after your daughter came back from daycare how did you handle the constant asking for attention?  Did you just gently tell her to wait or that you were busy or did you distract her?  Any tips to get over the transition period?

[tzs]

i don't think i used any strategies....just rode it out. after a few books i would just tell her "now ada reads it," which honestly, rarely works if she's bringing you a book to read. it was more like just riding out the whining and tantrums. i think maybe being more active in my own activities or household stuff and making her a part of it...so it's not so baby-centric. she does like it when i'm doing my own stuff, it's not like she follows me around whining if i'm busy, just as long as i'm not lounging. and since then i've for sure eased into more lounging around time while she plays with whatever.

i do understand the concern though. i worry every time we spend a night or a big chunk of time with her cousins and my IL's. she's still very young so i think for now she's just in observation mode. but i really don't like the way these kids behave (as in general lack of respect for anyone or anything) and the lack of expectation on everybody's part. and i have no idea how we're going to manage the "just because it's ok for them doesn't make it ok for you" thing without sounding stuck-up and righteous. but i do think kids understand the difference between what goes on at home and what happens elsewhere....maybe?

[JudiAU]

Well, it is going to take time. I would probably not allow any sweets or tv for awhile to reset the clock and make a point to play directly with her at regularly scheduled times, so she can predict when and if it is play by herself time.