looking for support parenting a fussy baby - Page 3

[Queermama]

have you considered consulting a naturopath? when our dear son had miserable bouts, a remedy from our naturopath worked like a charm!! 

[Delicateflower]

I would start him on the meds straight away. I know it doesn't seem great to give such a small baby medication, but look at how unhappy and uncomfortable he is. As his mother, don't you want to help him in any way possible?

And I know exactly what you mean about having to put her down just to have a break from the crying and center yourself again. You're not a bad mother at all. Crying babies are incredibly stressful, and not being held for a couple of 15 minutes stints through the day will not harm her.

[1love4ever]

thanks sosurreal09, I should have mentioned that any carrier oil will work.  The important part is just touching her, and moving with her intestines, yes.   In nursing school we were taught to give massages distal to proximal, which means from the farthest point(fingers) and working your way to the heart(arm to shoulder, feet to legs, etc).  this is to help with blood return to the heart and it improves circulation, but in a young baby I dont think it would make much difference.  But I always do it anyway just because it is what I am used to. 

And you really wouldnt even need any essential oils either, something as simple as just olive oil would work. 

As for the meds, I would NOT give them to her.  Obviously your Dr is not trying to find the real problem and is just going by what is most common.  Another thing I learned being around Drs a lot is that they assume you have a common condition until it is EXTREMELY obvious that it is something different.  They will prescribe meds that would treat that common condition, even if they are completely unsure if that is what the problem is.

Have you looked into trying to lactate?   Especially if you cant get raw goats milk, this is definatly the way to go.  Breast fed babies have a much easier time in general when it comes to tummy issues.  My DD was a very fussy baby, she has a very extreme personality(like her dad), almost impossible to please and must always have her way.  She was this way from the moment she was born.  But I could always rule out tummy issues when she was having a fit, because it was never that. 

[scrandall1173]

Please don't feel guilty about putting the baby down to take a breather... It is totally understandable. If we lived in a world in which new moms had more help it wouldn't be necessary, but unfortunately it just sometimes is. That leads me to wonder if you have considered getting a helper, maybe a postpartum doula or nanny? An experienced person who can, in the least, just hold the baby for an hour while you get a break?

We did this with our current babe and it has been really helpful.

Saying a prayer for you... I know how tiring it cam be to play detective and try to figure out what's normal.

[sosurreal09]

yeah a helper would be great! I second that!

[sesa70]

I was on the fence before baby came home about inducing lactation, because I know it can be tricky and often very difficult. When I found out that she had already been born, had some feeding difficultites at birth (which resolved completely by the time she was 1 week old) and spending about a month in care before she came home, I pretty much gave up the idea.

now I am revisiting it, wondering if it might be worthwhile. I did put in a call to a local lactation consultant that has experience with adoptive parents inducing lactation, but unfortunately its been a few days and she hasn't called me back. My concern here is that a) she's already almost 7 weeks old, so it would be really hard to get her to make the transition to breast, and b) it will be a while by the time I actually get any milk.

 

Originally Posted by 1love4ever 

Have you looked into trying to lactate?   Especially if you cant get raw goats milk, this is definatly the way to go.  Breast fed babies have a much easier time in general when it comes to tummy issues. 

[sosurreal09]

Did you breastfeed your other children? I thought you could re-lactate just by the baby latching and suckling, if you have breastfed in the past? I know I read about 3rd world countries where mothers die from aids and the grandmothers re-lactate. I am pretty sure they can't afford the meds or whatever it is I know some people use.

Maybe even just dry nursing would help her and comfort her. Who knows you might get milk anyway right?

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

Wow, the recommendations here are all over the place. I don't have any great words of wisdom - I had an extremely unhappy baby too and I was not prepared for it.  It got progressively easier, and 6 months was a huge turning point.  DD is still high needs, but she is so so much happier now that it feels like a hundred years ago that DH and I were passing her back and forth to get away from her.  I TOTALLY hear you on the needing mama sanity time. Do not beat yourself up over that.  It's not CIO, and while it's certainly not ideal, holding a crying baby until she pushes you to the point where you do something unthinkable is so much worse it can't even be compared. 

All babies are different, yours might need different food, different routines, or maybe just time. I was struck by your concern that something was really wrong though. Where was she before she came to you if she was only in the NICU for a week? That leaves a 2 or so week gap where she wasn't in the NICU and wasn't with you.  I wonder if those transitions are having a negative impact on her.  Also, was she like this at all before now? If it started shortly after arriving in your home, perhaps it could be something environmental? Good luck, I am sorry you are going through this - you are not alone. 

[Asiago]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

Did you breastfeed your other children? I thought you could re-lactate just by the baby latching and suckling, if you have breastfed in the past? I know I read about 3rd world countries where mothers die from aids and the grandmothers re-lactate. I am pretty sure they can't afford the meds or whatever it is I know some people use.

Maybe even just dry nursing would help her and comfort her. Who knows you might get milk anyway right?

I was thinking the same. It actually dawned on me one night after I had read your post. If interested here is some info: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/relactation.html 

Best wishes to you and your little one.

[sesa70]

I just wanted to post a little update.

So... dd has been home now for 2.5 weeks and she is 7 weeks old. I was feeling desperate, and miserable, and ended up trying her on the reflux meds. It has been about 5 days now, and I do notice an improvement. I am not *as* worried about her medically anymore since I have noticed a definate decrease in the clenching uncomfortable behavior.

She is still a very fussy baby though. Still cries A LOT. I have calmed down in my worry, and am just facing the reality that this is who sh\e is, at least for now. I am trying really hard to continue to bond with her, though the crying and screaming makes it harder than I would like. She does have quiet alert moments so it is not all bad, but she does have bouts of crying a few times a day that I just can't help her with :(

It is helpful to know that other moms have gone through this, and survived it, and have good relationships with their dc. I would be lying if i said that I wasn't worried about how our relationship will look long term because of this. thank you everyone for your understanding and support. I really REALLY wanted this baby, and now that she is finally here I feel like I was hit in the head with a brick! This journey is so different than I imagined it would be. But I know life rarely goes according to plan, and that we will get through it but in the middle of it all its hard.

I also wanted to add that I put in a call to a local lactation consultant that is supposed to have experience working with adoptive mothers. I called her on thursday morning and she still hasn't called back.

[1love4ever]

Be persistant with the lactation consultant, if she wont call back, call another.  Seriously, I had problems with getting them to call me back too, and sometimes it was because they didnt get my messages.  Breast feeding will also help with your bonding I think, I still BF my 1yr old and I still feel like we become closer every time we BF.  Dont worry if you dont feel natural at it or like it is a bonding experience at first.  It will come with time, maybe a lot of time.  As far as her age goes, I would just keep trying even if she does not like it at first.

Also, the fact that she has improved after you giving her meds may just be because she is getting a little older and it has nothing to do with the meds, so if you are uncomfortable with giving her the meds, I would stop and see what happens, especially if you are able to lactate. 

I didnt think of the environmental perspective.  Do you burn candles or have any fragrance around your home?  She could be allergic.  Many fragrances such as Glade products are extremely toxic and many people are allergic.  100% pure essential oils would be a safer bet, although those can occasionally cause allergic reactions too.  Maybe eliminate all fragrance sources?  Just a thought.

[Lisa1970]

My oldest did this for a while. You just have to keep snuggling her and loving her and she will come around eventually. Hard, I know. I still tense up sometimes when I think of how my 16.5 yr old was as a baby. But he is not like that at all now, and has not been for 15.5 years.

[texmati]

glad to hear your update. I'm sorry to say, but for my son I just had to hang in there. For me a big part was just accepting that's who he was.... and getting help. I actually went back to work, when I had planned to sham (It had been a dream for years!). I know i would not have gone back if he had been like my daughter is now. I would try to get a  break every day if possible-- from your husband, from your mom, neighbor who ever. Even if you don't leave the house, just having someone else there can help. If it's any consolation... my son personality hasn't really changed-- he has a hard time sleeping, is as stubborn as an ox, and won't. forget. anything. But he's a joy; an absolute joy. We can take him places, are showered with compliments at his charm and personality (yes, by the very people who were telling us that we were doing everything wrong).

[texmati]

oh-- and for practical help; the list of thing we would try when ds was inconsolable:

diaper

nursing

hammock

go outside

paci

rock in an absolutely silent room

bathroom with the fan on

stand under stove vent with the fan on

rock

sit on the swing

tv on

swaying side to side

driving in the car

walk in stroller (never worked until 6 mos).

bath

in that order. lather, rinse, repeat. Hope one of these is a new idea!

[alexsk]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

Congrats!

My DD is very high needs and literally cried (screamed really) for 4+ hrs a day for like 6 months. It was absolute hell. Nothing made her stop screaming--nothing. All I could do was keep holding her, wearing her, and nursing her. I just survived through it. We were a unique case though b/c it turned out it was all a reactions to vaccines...but I did go on an elimination diet to see if it would help. Just cut out the basics like dairy and soy all hidden as well. See if that helps at all after a few weeks. Are her poops normal looking?

What is a DD?

[Megan73]

Hang in there, mama. Don't feel guilty about needing a break from your babe. Take any and all help that you can find while you're in survival mode.
DS1 cried inconsolably for months despite every soothing method and reflux meds (which didn't help a whit).
Our doctor concluded it was colic and said we just don't really understand what causes it (it's apparently about 15% of kids) and the only cure is "tincture of time." He was right - at about six months, right around the time DS could sit really well alone, he suddenly got much, much better. He's now a truly delightful almost-three-year-old. The other good advice I've gotten is that "post-colic" babies really thrive on routine and consistency, which has really been true for us.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by alexsk 

What is a DD?

Dear/Darling Daughter... I believe there's a list of common abbreviations in one of the "Welcome to MDC" forums.  Welcome!

FWIW, I have been in touch with sesa70 recently and the baby is doing much better.  

[mamawanabe]

I had an unhappy baby (constant low grade fussing). He was so frustrated and angry. When we changed his diaper, he screamed like his face was on fire (my dh's phrase). It was awful (though decreasingly so) till he learned to craw at 71/2 months.  He just needed phsyical autonomy (plus I think he had some reflux).  So happy now.  Still intense and demanding, but I can do that as long as happy is there too. 

I get really bitter about all the easy babies my friends had . . .