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Do you ever feel

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

like you can't mention being tired or haivng a rough night without having the people around you immediately questioning your decisions when it comes to nighttime parenting? 

 

We have had a rough week - I had the stomach flu and was incapacitated for a day (we had to give DS2 formula because nursing would make me sick and I couldn't even keep down water as it was), and now both DS1 and DS2 have had upset stomachs (only sick one time each thank God).  DS2 seems to get stomach cramps even after nursing, and so our nights have been interspersed with the poor little guy kicking his legs and rolling around trying to get comfortable.  I have had moments where I'm so uncomfortable that I toss and turn as well.  Unfortunately, this means that there is little sleep to be had in our bed. 

 

If I even bring up that I'm tired because of this flu, the first thing the majority of people have to say is, "maybe you should move him out of your bed and into a crib."  We live in a trailer, with the master bedroom on one side and the other bedrooms on the exact other side.  This means that if baby wakes up, I have to walk the entire length of the house to go help him, and since I'm an insomniac as it is, I'd be up for a couple of hours afterward.  If I explain this, the next response is that maybe we should trying CIO; since he's be on the other side of the house, it's not like it should bother us if he cries. 

 

Both DH and I love co-sleeping.  When DS2 was born, he was one of those babies that you could just put down and he would go to sleep (at least until he starting teething).  Even then, I put him in a playpen in our room at night, but it just felt unnatural having him sleep away from me.  We brought him into our bed, and he snuggled in and has slept with us ever since.  We would still have DS1 (he's 2 yo) in our bed, but he was waking up and pushing us out of 'his' space, so we moved him to his own bed (still in our room) where he sleeps very contentedly.  I love pointing this out to the people who told me that if we let DS1 sleep with us, he would never be able to sleep on his own.

 

I guess I just needed to vent a bit.  I don't make decisions based on what would be easiest for me; I base my decisions on what I think is right for my family.  We decided to co-sleep for a reason, and a week's (or month's) worth of rough nights won't change that. 

post #2 of 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by zakdat View Post
  I don't make decisions based on what would be easiest for me; I base my decisions on what I think is right for my family.  We decided to co-sleep for a reason, and a week's (or month's) worth of rough nights won't change that. 


yeahthat.gif  That's all you need to remember, right?!  I completely understand where you are coming from.  Our DS has been a pretty tough sleeper and by the time he was a year old, I really never mentioned much about it because I didn't want "advice."  It's tough not having people in real life to be able to talk with about sleep issues! 

post #3 of 8

Good for you! It's so important to just remember that what you're doing is right for you and your family. Those people who tell you to move him from your bed and let him CIO don't know your boys like you do. You know what's right and that's the bottom line. I know that no matter how much you hear that, it doesn't change how angry it makes you that other people are telling you how to raise your children. Just remember that no one can do what you do for your family! Keep your head held high :)

post #4 of 8

When I had my first I had never knew there were other parents out there like me. My son was high need. He slept with us simply because he nursed all the time. I carried him in a sling because he cried in the stroller.

I could never ever complain to my mom circle of friends. They thought I bought it all upon myself. I had bad days too and needed to vent/advice. They thought he was high need because I had made him that way. I was almost their example of what not to do!

When he nursed until 2.5 I could never mention that I needed a break because I had made him clingy etc.

I now have three and with my 2nd I joined LLL and realized that there were others like me and it made the world of difference.

Now I live in the Caribbean and have a 2 yr old. I have no friends who parent like me. It has been tough. She is my 3rd and I have still doubted myself at times.  I totally understand how you feel

 

post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jend1002 


yeahthat.gif  That's all you need to remember, right?!  I completely understand where you are coming from.  Our DS has been a pretty tough sleeper and by the time he was a year old, I really never mentioned much about it because I didn't want "advice."  It's tough not having people in real life to be able to talk with about sleep issues!

 

That's for sure.  I'm also careful not to mention to these people that my 2 yo still nurses before nap - apparently I was supposed to wean him when he started solids.  I know that their advice is meant out of love for me and my kids, but sometimes it would be nice to get supportive feedback. 


     Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama4life14 View Post

Good for you! It's so important to just remember that what you're doing is right for you and your family. Those people who tell you to move him from your bed and let him CIO don't know your boys like you do. You know what's right and that's the bottom line. I know that no matter how much you hear that, it doesn't change how angry it makes you that other people are telling you how to raise your children. Just remember that no one can do what you do for your family! Keep your head held high :)


Thank you!  It can be hard to remember sometimes - especially in the middle of the night when I don't even know how many times I've woken up. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma Bryan Fuller View Post

When I had my first I had never knew there were other parents out there like me. My son was high need. He slept with us simply because he nursed all the time. I carried him in a sling because he cried in the stroller.

I could never ever complain to my mom circle of friends. They thought I bought it all upon myself. I had bad days too and needed to vent/advice. They thought he was high need because I had made him that way. I was almost their example of what not to do!

When he nursed until 2.5 I could never mention that I needed a break because I had made him clingy etc.

I now have three and with my 2nd I joined LLL and realized that there were others like me and it made the world of difference.

Now I live in the Caribbean and have a 2 yr old. I have no friends who parent like me. It has been tough. She is my 3rd and I have still doubted myself at times.  I totally understand how you feel

 


DS1 was an all night nurser as well.  Sometimes I look back on his first year, and rather than thinking, "whoa that was exhausting," instead I remember all the cozy nights when he would snuggle in and fall gently back to sleep, or when he would be awake and would reach out one little hand to stroke my face.  It is those moments that made me yearn to have DS2 in bed with us. 

 

Is there a LLL in the Caribbean?  I love this forum for the connections with like minded parents that it brings - and the support just when I need it. 
 

 

post #6 of 8

I haven't read the whole thread -- I'm too tired.  sleeping.gif  I totally hear you, and agree with your reasoning.  My dh thinks I'm torturing myself unnecessarily (which is the last thing I need to hear when I am exhausted to the point of tears).  I also feel like my exhaustion mantra is boring to everyone in my life whether or not they agree with my parenting decisions -- including me!  orngtongue.gif

 

My ds has been staying up all night rather frequently lately -- yuck.  Last night I just couldn't nurse him anymore so he was crying, and dh kept saying, "just put him in the crib" (which is by our bed, but I can't leave him in there crying while I lie in bed).

 

You know what you are doing and why you are doing it, and you deserve to be supported in it by the people around you.  You are following your instincts and doing what's best for your lo and therefore what's best for you.

 

This, too, shall pass.  You WILL start getting more sleep...it's gonna happen.  It's only a matter of time.  hug2.gif

post #7 of 8

Yes and I think my son is a pretty good sleeper. If I even so much as yawn, I get the "isn't he old enough to be sleep-trained?" discussion. If I hear one more person suggest Babywise or Healthy Sleep Habits, I will scream. I know he wouldn't die if I let him cry and I know that children thrive on schedules and routine but this is working for our family right now. I really wish I had more friends in person who parented this way because I'm starting to feel like everyone must think I'm the worst parent in the world because he still sleeps in our room and we don't CIO.

 

post #8 of 8

there is NOTHING in the Caribbean, well on this island anyway!  No playgroups,LLL.  Sooo hard.

It is very much the harder you are on your kids the better they will be. Really quite sad.

Breastfeeding wasn't encouraged in the hospital which surprised me as I thought poor countries would be more pro nursing?

 

 

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