single with newborn and toddler and tandem nursing

[goldendolphin]

Hi,

I recently had my second baby, and although had help for th 1st two weeks am now alone with my 2 week old and 21 month old.  I am finding it hard to stay calm with the toddler, mainly in the evenings (trying to get him to sleep - nursing both at the same time).  He is acting up a lot at the moment, trying to bite me when I'm nursing baby, which I completely understand as he is probably feeling insecure in our relationship.  I am still nursing him too, so his need for boob has increased as well at this time. 

I just want to know if anyone else has been in this position and how I can cope better without taking my frustration / anger out on him.  I have complete compassion for his situation too, and also wish I could still be there for him as much as I was, which can be heartbreaking.  But I still find myself at times getting angry, shouting at him etc. 

Its also hard to find a comfortable position to nurse them both at night, or to sleep.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I've googled it but there is little info on tandem nursing, especially for single mums!!  I have the book adventures in tandem nursing and there are a few ideas for positions in there, but still with only one pair of hands and a newborn without any head control its hard work.

any advice would be great!

GD

[blessingscome]

Sleep whenever you can (it's amazing the difference that makes). Take your vitamins especially B and D (B helps mood) and Iron (for your energy levels - I like Floradix).  For positions, latch baby on and then toddler can work around. Also try to find activities for toddler that involve your attention on her.  Reading books.... talking about puzzles, even watching TV if you need to with toddler snuggled in with you.  That might help with the biting since your attention is non-nursing based and gives him the idea that your nursing baby still puts your primary focus onto him.

[provocativa]

I have been there, though I did have a husband when I was tandem nursing (an abusive alcoholic one, no help).  For me, I needed lots of vitamins.  B complex as mentioned, Magnesium is key for staying calm.  I took a calcium with magnesium and D3 (citrates not oxides for absorbability).  I also needed iodine.  It is the intelligence mineral and breastfeeding sucks it right out of you for the babies.  Also necessary for thyroid health and energy. I felt / feel better taking a teaspoon of kelp powder for this rather than iodine drops (but those help, too).  I also took very high doses of cod liver oil for efa's (good for your mood and baby's brain).  I also needed some extra of the minor B vits to stave off postpartum depression- so I took extra inositol and choline (also important for baby's brain). 

My daughter was nearly 3 when dd2 was born.  So a bit more mature than yours.  Sometimes I lay on my side, and dd1 nursed with dd2 on top of her nursing.  But mostly, I found that some tricks during the non-stressful times really helped my relationship with the older child.  I started asking her if she needed to nurse, instead of waiting for her to ask me.  Sometimes I didn't ask her, but rather reminded her or told her that she needed to nurse before she got too stressed out.  I nursed her some by herself at these times, and it seemed to reassure her that I was there for her and she was less threatened by dd2 and didn't need to nurse with dd2 every time.  Also, since she had to wait for dd2 so often (to get latched or get a diaper changed) I pretended to make dd2 wait for dd1.  I would say something like 'baby, it is big girl's turn and you will have to wait right now' while I nursed dd1 or read her a book.  It really started to lower her stress level, and in turn mine because things got easier.

[goldendolphin]

Thanks all.  yes i will definately make sure i'm taking my vitamins!  DS1 seems to bite when he's getting tired but then is refusing to go to bed.  I guess its just a phase though, (aren't they all)  and because he's teething makes it worse.  If i can just get through the 1st 6 weeks then hopefully things will have settled down by then!!