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"Why Do We Let Them Dress That Way?" - Page 3

post #41 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by ButterflyBaby11 View Post

I fully agree.  At my job, I work with a lot of men.  Construction workers mainly.  When they see a hot young female teenager, they drool and their comments are disgusting.  If they had the opportunity, I don't think the law would put enough fear into them to stay away from her.  

 

 

And what do YOU say to them when they make their comments? Do you tell them how inappropriate THEY are? Or are you focused on the girls? 'Cause, God knows, it MUST be their fault for dressing as they do. Men can't be counted on to control themselves.

 

Oh, and... Have you ever listened to women commenting about hot guys? I have. It's just as inappropriate.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by ButterflyBaby11 View Post

 

I'm sorry, but with what these female teens are wearing, it's no surprise.  *I* can't even stop staring at them.  Staring at all the skin they're showing.  Wondering what in God's name their parents are thinking, allowing them to dress like that.

 

Ya know... it doesn't have to be "trashy" for guys to stare. I can tell you that my daughter does not dress trashy. But she's an attractive young lady, and no matter what she wears - she gets the looks. Literally, she could be in sweats and a sweatshirt, and get comments. I address the person making the comment - not my kid. I've walked straight up to them and asked them how they'd like someone talking about THEIR daughter that way.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ButterflyBaby11 View Post

I think today's parents need to unite and put their feet down.  Stop buying the trashy clothes, stop letting our daughters wear it.  The fashion industry will get a clue and make more appropriate clothing for our daughters.  It's sad.  And I hope to see changes in the near future.

 

You're right, Parents SHOULD put down their feet. On top of people who can't control their urges and feel the need to make trashy comments about their daughters.

 

And please enlighten us - what is "appropriate" clothing in your eyes?

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by ButterflyBaby11 View Post

 

A teen boy (friend's kid) told me all the happenings at his high school, complete with sex parties.  He showed me photos on his phone of naked teen girls--his class mates sending out their naked photo.  It's so sad.  Most parents, I think, are oblivious.  Their precious child wouldn't do that sort of thing.  But they are. 

 

And what did you say to that boy? In what way are the boys also responsible? Or is it that they can't help themselves?

 

Ugh - this post just sends me. And not to a good place.

post #42 of 103


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

You can be as chaste as you want and wear clothes that are revealing, but nobody on the street is going to stop you and say, "Hey, you're dressed like a prostitute, but I don't want to judge on appearances, so I was wondering if you really are promiscuous or just dress like you are because you like the clothes."  People do portray an image.  People do make first impressions.  People do make snap judgments.  (snip) I don't believe for ONE SECOND that girls of even 12 and 13 do not have a clue about the responses they elicit by the way they dress. 


Well, that's almost a benefit, then.  Because if someone is going to make assumptions on my level of sexual activity (and judgements about my value as a person based on that assumed level of activity), then I'm happy to know that right off the bat so I can write them off and avoid them.  I do agree that preteen and young teen girls are probably not aware of the level of nastiness and judgement that women face regarding their clothing, behavior, and presumed sexual activity (or lack thereof)- that is certainly a conversation that needs to happen with parents.  But I think that a 12 year old is old enough to make a decision about that and experience the results for herself, if she's going into it with her eyes open.

 

I have to say, I find the idea that clothing serves as a marker for level of sexual availability, and the idea that someone assuming you're sexually available when you're not is somehow Horrifying, to be somewhat baffling.  I mean...isn't that what "yes" and "no" are for?

 

post #43 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post


And what did you say to that boy? In what way are the boys also responsible? Or is it that they can't help themselves?

 

Ugh - this post just sends me. And not to a good place.


Yes, I want to hear more about that conversation. I cannot imagine a teen boy showing me naked pictures of girls he knows. What on earth did you say back? Did you talk to him about not forwarding those pictures or showing his friends? The girls are fools, but he is continuing the problem.

 

Did you talk to him about why he might want to avoid sending pictures of his penis to his friends? This isn't a one-way problem.

 

Is he going to the sex parties? Did you talk to him about the importance of ALWAYS wearing on condemn for his own protection? Or is this just something he "knows" all about without ever going? Just a rumor he is helping to spread?

 

Your posts comes off really judgmental of teen girls, yet there is a REALLY good chance the boy you were speaking to about the "sluts" has the exact same behaviors. If he didn't, he wouldn't know what was going on. Do you consider the behaviors OK in a boy, but not a girl? Why is that?

 

Why do boys assume that it is OK for them to indulge in behaviors and be open with adults about it, all the while passing judgments on the female partners?  Are the ways you respond to this boy continuing that absurd message?

post #44 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by prothyraia View Post


 


Well, that's almost a benefit, then.  Because if someone is going to make assumptions on my level of sexual activity (and judgements about my value as a person based on that assumed level of activity), then I'm happy to know that right off the bat so I can write them off and avoid them.  I do agree that preteen and young teen girls are probably not aware of the level of nastiness and judgement that women face regarding their clothing, behavior, and presumed sexual activity (or lack thereof)- that is certainly a conversation that needs to happen with parents.  But I think that a 12 year old is old enough to make a decision about that and experience the results for herself, if she's going into it with her eyes open.

 

I have to say, I find the idea that clothing serves as a marker for level of sexual availability, and the idea that someone assuming you're sexually available when you're not is somehow Horrifying, to be somewhat baffling.  I mean...isn't that what "yes" and "no" are for?

 


Unfortunately, it is what it is because we live in a society.  There is a social consciousness and everyone has their limits on what is acceptable.  Would it be okay for a 13 year old girl to walk around topless?  Most people, even those that are most liberal in their way of thinking about how people dress, would probably say that it's not.  But why not?  Probably because it is beyond their level of comfort.  This is really what this issue is about.  And because of that, some people will make a judgment whether it is accurate or not .  Unfortunately, that's just human nature.  A person can have a full sleeve of tats, and be astounded at the guy who gets whisker implants and his ears surgically altered to look like a cat's.  A person without tats at all could be astounded that someone would alter their body by putting tats up and down their arms.  Like, I said, I think it's just a personal level of comfort (probably based on so many things about our lives and upbringing that it's nearly impossible to give a reason to it).  I think everyone's feelings are valid and opinions are like assholes... everyone has one.  It doesn't make the opinion or assumption right or wrong.  It's just normal.  People judge. Non-conformity comes in various shades of gray and everyone has their own, very personal, approach to what is their comfort level with conformity/non-conformity.  It's not horrifying, it's just human nature.

post #45 of 103

A couple years ago I went looking for some yoga-style pants for my DD.  With limited local shopping options, what I came across in the store horrified me.  What young girl needs the word 'JUICY' emblazoned across her butt, for instance?  Or the myriad of other totally creepy statements on shirts that are clearly sexually charges- and sold in the preteen/tween department. Turning those down, we decided to order some stuff online instead.  

 

More recently, I took her to get her first camisole/bra mostly to prevent chafing as her breast buds are uncomfortable in the cold or with fabric touching them at times.  I was shocked to see a padded/push up bra marketed in the girl's department.  I suppose I could have understood the junior's department but girl's?  I have no problem with recognizing that a developing girl may need support and coverage, and even some thin padding to eliminate embarrassing pointy bits showing through when she is still learning to make peace with her changing body, but a push up designed to increase visible bust size 2 cups as this was marketed?  Not so much. 

 

Maybe the counter to this though isn't so much forbidding our children to wear a skirt more than three inches above her knee or a shirt that is roughly the equivalent of saran wrap in both fit and transparency.  Perhaps talking with them about the fact that as they are older they certainly can be  astoundingly beautiful and sexy, and they can do that as well in a pair of jeans and a tshirt as they can in a miniskirt and heels. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

post #46 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by ButterflyBaby11 View Post



I fully agree.  At my job, I work with a lot of men.  Construction workers mainly.  When they see a hot young female teenager, they drool and their comments are disgusting.  If they had the opportunity, I don't think the law would put enough fear into them to stay away from her.   

 

I'm sorry, but with what these female teens are wearing, it's no surprise.



I didn't have skin hanging out as a teen, and construction workers said disgusting things to me, too. Heck, my cousin dressed very modestly, and most guys couldn't have told you what colour eyes she had, because they were too busy staring at her boobs, and construction workers said disgusting things to her, too. That's not about the clothes. That's about a really bad attitude towards females.

post #47 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post





I didn't have skin hanging out as a teen, and construction workers said disgusting things to me, too. Heck, my cousin dressed very modestly, and most guys couldn't have told you what colour eyes she had, because they were too busy staring at her boobs, and construction workers said disgusting things to her, too. That's not about the clothes. That's about a really bad attitude towards females.

 

Exactly.
 

 

post #48 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

I didn't have skin hanging out as a teen, and construction workers said disgusting things to me, too. Heck, my cousin dressed very modestly, and most guys couldn't have told you what colour eyes she had, because they were too busy staring at her boobs, and construction workers said disgusting things to her, too. That's not about the clothes. That's about a really bad attitude towards females.


No offense, but just as people here are stereotyping the way people dress, you are stereotyping construction workers (and getting confirmation that your stereotype is accurate).  It kind of proves the point that people have pre-conceived ideas and judge based on those ideas.  So, construction workers are crass enough to state what they think, but a nice business man in a suit has enough tact to think it, but keep it to himself?  What difference does it make?  It's still about a social perception.

 

post #49 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post




No offense, but just as people here are stereotyping the way people dress, you are stereotyping construction workers (and getting confirmation that your stereotype is accurate).  It kind of proves the point that people have pre-conceived ideas and judge based on those ideas.  So, construction workers are crass enough to state what they think, but a nice business man in a suit has enough tact to think it, but keep it to himself?  What difference does it make?  It's still about a social perception.

 

Where did I ever say any of that?  I said that construction workers said disgusting things to me. They did. Guys in suits didn't - at least, not as much and not as blatantly. They had a culture that supported saying nasty things about women when the women weren't around, but didn't support yelling them out publicly. That doesn't mean I don't think businessmen can (and often do) have negative attitudes about women. The poster I was responding to mentioned that she worked with construction workers who said disgusting things about young girls with skin hanging out. I wasn't addressing hte construction workers part of it - I was addressing the "young girls with skin hanging out" part of it. The skin isn't the issue. The attitude towards female sexuality is the issue.

 

And, yeah - there is (or was - I haven't walked past a construction site in a long time) a really dehumanizing element to the way those guys belted out their nastiness in public. It was quite specific to the contruction culture. That doesn't mean they were all like that. I knew lots of them who weren't. It also doesn't mean there's isn't just as much of a dehumanizing element to the type of guy who'll publicly act as though they see women as equal, while privately talking about us as animated sex toys.

 

And, to be perfectly clear...I'm not talking about men. I'm talking about a particular attitude towards female sexuality. I see it from some women, too.


Edited by Storm Bride - 3/23/11 at 12:21pm
post #50 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post

 

Ya know... it doesn't have to be "trashy" for guys to stare. I can tell you that my daughter does not dress trashy. But she's an attractive young lady, and no matter what she wears - she gets the looks. Literally, she could be in sweats and a sweatshirt, and get comments. I address the person making the comment - not my kid. I've walked straight up to them and asked them how they'd like someone talking about THEIR daughter that way.

 

 

You're right, Parents SHOULD put down their feet. On top of people who can't control their urges and feel the need to make trashy comments about their daughters.

 

And please enlighten us - what is "appropriate" clothing in your eyes?

 

 

And what did you say to that boy? In what way are the boys also responsible? Or is it that they can't help themselves?

 

Ugh - this post just sends me. And not to a good place.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post




Yes, I want to hear more about that conversation. I cannot imagine a teen boy showing me naked pictures of girls he knows. What on earth did you say back? Did you talk to him about not forwarding those pictures or showing his friends? The girls are fools, but he is continuing the problem.

 

Did you talk to him about why he might want to avoid sending pictures of his penis to his friends? This isn't a one-way problem.

 

Is he going to the sex parties? Did you talk to him about the importance of ALWAYS wearing on condemn for his own protection? Or is this just something he "knows" all about without ever going? Just a rumor he is helping to spread?

 

Your posts comes off really judgmental of teen girls, yet there is a REALLY good chance the boy you were speaking to about the "sluts" has the exact same behaviors. If he didn't, he wouldn't know what was going on. Do you consider the behaviors OK in a boy, but not a girl? Why is that?

 

Why do boys assume that it is OK for them to indulge in behaviors and be open with adults about it, all the while passing judgments on the female partners?  Are the ways you respond to this boy continuing that absurd message?


Yes and yes!

 

My daughter is not responsible for how men treat her. Just as my son will be entirely responsible for how he treats women. 

 

ButterflyBaby, it's no ones fault but your own if you can't stop staring. Just as it's no ones fault but the construction worker, business man, or king of the whole freakin' world if he can't stop himself from staring at, or making crude comments to, or sexually assaulting a woman. She could be walking down the street naked and that still doesn't give anyone the right to objectify her and then blame her for it!

 

And yeah, if a friends son decided to show me a picture a girl sent him of her naked, I would have a talk with him about respecting privacy and that her giving him that picture doesn't mean he should be showing or sending it to anyone else and that doing so would be a violation of her trust.

 

post #51 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post



 


Yes and yes!

 

My daughter is not responsible for how men treat her. Just as my son will be entirely responsible for how he treats women. 

 

ButterflyBaby, it's no ones fault but your own if you can't stop staring. Just as it's no ones fault but the construction worker, business man, or king of the whole freakin' world if he can't stop himself from staring at, or making crude comments to, or sexually assaulting a woman. She could be walking down the street naked and that still doesn't give anyone the right to objectify her and then blame her for it!

 

And yeah, if a friends son decided to show me a picture a girl sent him of her naked, I would have a talk with him about respecting privacy and that her giving him that picture doesn't mean he should be showing or sending it to anyone else and that doing so would be a violation of her trust.

 


Not only a violation of her trust, but if she's under 18 and engaged in a sexual activity, that's possession of child pornography, which is a felony. An if he sends it to anyone he's distributing child pornography, which is another felony.
post #52 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post



 


Yes and yes!

 

My daughter is not responsible for how men treat her. Just as my son will be entirely responsible for how he treats women. 

 

ButterflyBaby, it's no ones fault but your own if you can't stop staring. Just as it's no ones fault but the construction worker, business man, or king of the whole freakin' world if he can't stop himself from staring at, or making crude comments to, or sexually assaulting a woman. She could be walking down the street naked and that still doesn't give anyone the right to objectify her and then blame her for it!

 

And yeah, if a friends son decided to show me a picture a girl sent him of her naked, I would have a talk with him about respecting privacy and that her giving him that picture doesn't mean he should be showing or sending it to anyone else and that doing so would be a violation of her trust.

 


I would certainly say that a women walking naked in public bears some responsibility for negative perceptions towards her. Men are visual creatures and most will get aroused at the sight of a scantily clad women. From what I understand this is not a reasoning process but an involuntary one.  This does not take responsibility away from the resulting disgusting actions that some men will CHOOSE to engage in based on their arousal but to take all responsibility from a woman for how she is perceived is strange to me. 

 

post #53 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post


I would certainly say that a women walking naked in public bears some responsibility for negative perceptions towards her. Men are visual creatures and most will get aroused at the sight of a scantily clad women. From what I understand this is not a reasoning process but an involuntary one.  This does not take responsibility away from the resulting disgusting actions that some men will CHOOSE to engage in based on their arousal but to take all responsibility from a woman for how she is perceived is strange to me. 

 


But the problem isn't whether or not men get aroused. If that were the case then any person who might potentially cause any other person to become aroused should be covered from head to toe so as to not cause said arousal. The problem is that western society has taught our men and is teaching our boys that if a woman makes them feel that way they have to right to objectify her and disrespect her because "boys will be boys" and "if she doesn't want to be treated like that she shouldn't dress like that". It's a mind set that places the responsibility for one persons actions and words squarely on the shoulder of another person. 

 

There are plenty of men in this world that can be aroused by a woman who is scantily clad or naked without treating her as a sex object. They are capable of saying to themselves "hey, yeah she is hot... But you know this is neither the time nor the place to ignore the fact that she is a person and I should treat her as such." Men who can work with a woman who is wearing a low cut top without staring at her breasts, who can pass a woman on the street that is dressed "skanky" and not say "nice ass, toots!". Men who know that just because a woman is walking through the park completely naked, or just topless, or wearing a string bikini, and still remember that she is someones daughter, and some ones best friend, possibly someones significant other, mother, sister, aunt, that she has a job, and life, and personality. That she is more than just a body that causes a biological reaction, and more than just a potential piece of tail.

 

To put any responsibility on the woman for how she is perceived is not fair to her, and unfortunately gets used often to blame the victim. So long as we put the burden of men's actions on womens shoulders, we won't be able to get rid of the "she had it coming" mind set.

 

post #54 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post

Great article in the Wall Street Journal asks why do we let our girls dress that way?

 

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703899704576204580623018562.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

 

 

I think we all struggle with variations on some of these questions. 

 

 



Well I'm not part of that "we" in the article. But then my daughter, who is 21, has never been a fashion maven, never wanted to read any of the girls magazines growing up and was the book worm homeschooled kid that likes to video game. She still dresses very modest by modern standards, and while she likes nail polish and hair dye she isn't into makeup. Yes there are less choices when you are looking for longer skirts and tops that actually have sleeves but it's out there. She gets her clothes at regular stores, you just have to weed through all the stuff you aren't interested in like the pants cut so low you'd need a Brazilian to wear them.

 

 

post #55 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post




But the problem isn't whether or not men get aroused. If that were the case then any person who might potentially cause any other person to become aroused should be covered from head to toe so as to not cause said arousal. The problem is that western society has taught our men and is teaching our boys that if a woman makes them feel that way they have to right to objectify her and disrespect her because "boys will be boys" and "if she doesn't want to be treated like that she shouldn't dress like that". It's a mind set that places the responsibility for one persons actions and words squarely on the shoulder of another person. 

 

There are plenty of men in this world that can be aroused by a woman who is scantily clad or naked without treating her as a sex object. They are capable of saying to themselves "hey, yeah she is hot... But you know this is neither the time nor the place to ignore the fact that she is a person and I should treat her as such." Men who can work with a woman who is wearing a low cut top without staring at her breasts, who can pass a woman on the street that is dressed "skanky" and not say "nice ass, toots!". Men who know that just because a woman is walking through the park completely naked, or just topless, or wearing a string bikini, and still remember that she is someones daughter, and some ones best friend, possibly someones significant other, mother, sister, aunt, that she has a job, and life, and personality. That she is more than just a body that causes a biological reaction, and more than just a potential piece of tail.

 

To put any responsibility on the woman for how she is perceived is not fair to her, and unfortunately gets used often to blame the victim. So long as we put the burden of men's actions on womens shoulders, we won't be able to get rid of the "she had it coming" mind set.

 


Ok, I am thinking this through but I am wondering if your ideal only works in a perfect society where people no longer commit evil actions.  In this culture. most women know that dressing skimpily will illicit a certain amount of male attention, with the probability of some of it being vulgar and crude. Of course the negative attention is wrong- everyone deserves dignity and respect regardless of the way they are dressed, but in this world, that is not realistic.

 

So while on one hand I don't believe a woman should hold any responsibility for evil actions brought against her due to lack of clothing, on the other hand there has to be a point at which a women takes responsibility for the way she is perceived. I get very angry when a woman is blamed for being raped. At the same time, a women who displays an impressive amount of cleavage at the office certainly bears some responsibility when a man has trouble looking away.

 

It is on a continuum imo, but maybe by making it situational it leaves too much room for men to absolve themselves of responsibility for their actions. Maybe it only works to absolve women of all responsibility for negative perceptions or attention drawn to them while scantily clad, but by saying this, it makes women out to be dummys with no concept of the way this world (wrongly) works.  

 

 

post #56 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post

At the same time, a women who displays an impressive amount of cleavage at the office certainly bears some responsibility when a man has trouble looking away.

 

Why?

post #57 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post




Ok, I am thinking this through but I am wondering if your ideal only works in a perfect society where people no longer commit evil actions.  In this culture. most women know that dressing skimpily will illicit a certain amount of male attention, with the probability of some of it being vulgar and crude. Of course the negative attention is wrong- everyone deserves dignity and respect regardless of the way they are dressed, but in this world, that is not realistic.

 

So while on one hand I don't believe a woman should hold any responsibility for evil actions brought against her due to lack of clothing, on the other hand there has to be a point at which a women takes responsibility for the way she is perceived. I get very angry when a woman is blamed for being raped. At the same time, a women who displays an impressive amount of cleavage at the office certainly bears some responsibility when a man has trouble looking away.

 

It is on a continuum imo, but maybe by making it situational it leaves too much room for men to absolve themselves of responsibility for their actions. Maybe it only works to absolve women of all responsibility for negative perceptions or attention drawn to them while scantily clad, but by saying this, it makes women out to be dummys with no concept of the way this world (wrongly) works.  

 

 


In a perfect world we wouldn't be having this conversation. In the real world some people are UAVs, you have to teach your kids that. You also have to teach your kids that some people will attempt to explain away the UAVs actions by claiming the other person had to know what their clothes/opinion/existence would cause to happen. In the real world we are capable of teaching a girl that her body is her own, that she can dress how she wants, that some people may be ignorant enough to assume it means something about her personal life, and that she is in no way responsible for a mans inability to control himself.

 

The problem isn't that woman dress provocatively. It is that boys are not taught that they have no right to make rude comments, or act in a way that is inappropriate. A woman has no responsibly for what another person does. Ever. Period. End. Of. Story! You make your own choices, he makes his own choices, and you cannot be blamed for his choices.

post #58 of 103

Ugh, this whole thread is bringing me back to my high school (freshman year even) days when I was very very well endowed and couldn't even wear a v- neck tee without guys being total jerks about it. I would get it from both sides, girls mocking me for my boobs hanging out and guys making horribly inappropriate comments and just being pigs in general. I spent the better part of my junior and senior year in big sweatshirts to hide my figure as much as I could. 

 

ITA with all the people who said there is nothing wrong with a young woman wanting dress in a way that makes her feel good, be it in a short skirt or a tunic but I just think it is so unrealistic to try and act as though how we dress doesn't send a blaring signal about who we are to people...How we dress is pretty much one of the biggest ways for people to get an instant impression of what we are like....hence the tee shirts with all the little quips on them...I dress in a way that makes people think I am a hippie...thats how I dress, why would I be surprised people draw that conclusion about me, it's true, otherwise why would I dress that way? The problem is that it is really hard to separate the girl who is scantily clad from our collective thoughts of what that girl must be like...Maybe she is sexually promiscuous of her own choosing and maybe she wants to be a virgin until marriage (I don't care either way) but I can guess most people wouldn't be thinking the latter when they first the girl.

 

I worked at a liquor store when I was 19 and the comments I got from grown men were absolutely disgusting. I had one man in particular ask me to "do a spin" so he could the full packagepuke.gif...that was just one of the comments I would get, and this just wearing a tee shirt and jeans that were snug because I don't like baggy droopy pants...Why is it ok for grown men to talk to young girls this way...So gross

 

DD is too young for me to worry about this but it has got me thinking...I guess I am one of those weird people who has an issue with babies in 2 piece bathing suits anyway...My first thought is always that must be really uncomfortable for baby, 2nd thought gee it would be a lot easier to protect baby's skin with more of a bathing suit or rash guard and 3rd I feel like why the hell are they even making bikinis for babies anyway?? I guess that makes me a terrible judgmental personshrug.gif

 

ok rambling and maybe just disjointed, my brain just leaked onto the screen a little bit...

post #59 of 103

Wow, MusicianDad as usual your posts give me a lot to think about!

 

While I agree with you in theory I would venture to say that you are a rarity in the world. Not many men have that outlook. I *wish* more men could think like this because it would be great to send my daughter out to play in short shorts and a bathing suit top and not worry that some man is going to think nasty thoughts about her, but.....I know that what I want and how it IS are two different things.

 

And having been married to someone who turned out to be a perverted person who likes to look at and fantasize (and prey on) young girls I know intellectually that covering her from head to toe is not going to stop someone from thinking what they want. However, I don't want to make it any easier. I won't go into details because it's not necessary or appropriate but I'm sure you get my drift. 

 

At the same time why should I or my daughter be punished for someone else's nastiness? I have a short skirt (the first I've ever owned) and I wear it to do housework in because I haven't gt the guts yet to wear it out. And frankly if I did get the guts up to wear it out I would get whistles and catcalls all day long. I don't want to deal with it so I don't wear it. I hate that because I like how I look in it. But it's reality. I can't control other people,only myself.

 

 

post #60 of 103


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post
In this culture. most women know that dressing skimpily will illicit a certain amount of male attention, with the probability of some of it being vulgar and crude.


But different people have different ideas about what is "skimpy."  In some cultures, anything less than a burka is skimpy, and yet women are still raped.

 

For years, both my DDs swam competitively, and my extended family, who are fundamentalist Christians, were bothered by the fact that my DDs ran around in swim suits and were around boys wearing swim suits. They believe that there's no way for boys to see girls in swim suits with out being "defrauded."  (These were one-piece racing suits, designed for speed, not looks)

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ldavis24 View Post

Ugh, this whole thread is bringing me back to my high school (freshman year even) days when I was very very well endowed and couldn't even wear a v- neck tee without guys being total jerks about it. I would get it from both sides, girls mocking me for my boobs hanging out and guys making horribly inappropriate comments and just being pigs in general. I spent the better part of my junior and senior year in big sweatshirts to hide my figure as much as I could. 

..

hug2.gifMy 14 year old is a DDD. She's in 8th grade and still growing. She does her best to dress modestly, usually wears tank tops under her blouses to keep the cleavage to a minimum, but there's really no way to hide that she's a young, beautiful woman with incredable curves. She's a blond bombshell.

 

Thankfully, she goes to a small private school where behavior is carefully monitored by adults, but because short of putting her in a burka, there's no way to hide her figure.
 

(And sadly, she quit competitive swimming when she got boobs. It was such a great sport for her and she was so good at it, but she was just so uncomfortable in her body. )

 

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