Body Modifications - Page 2

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

Piercings in the mouth are a dental nightmare. I highly recommend you and your dd talk to your dentist together next time you are there. Saying "no" isn't the answer. She neds to understand the fallout from those so that she doesn't do something stupid when she turns 18. Infections are just the start, then broken teeth, root canals, etc. Long term, they can cause so much damage the person needs gum surgery.

Here, kids can't get tattoos until they are 18, even if their parents sign.

What does she want to do with her life? Have you discussed how some of these things are seen in some situations?

I'd be ok with blue hair and a nose piercing. And I think you need to schedule the portrait asap, or that it's fair to ask her to wait.

She wants to be a midwife currently. And yes, the portraits should have been done months ago, but life has been a busy nightmare and we keep putting it off.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by kawa kamuri 

she's misinformed on this

A PP said you could go up to 00 before needing surgery, now I'm confused again!

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by enkmom 

When my daughter was in her "I want a tattoo" phase, she was absolutely convinced that she wanted the Little Mermaid on her calf.  Now, at 22, she cringes when I remind her .  I wonder what your daughter will think of the Dark Mark in 6 years?  It is cooler than the Little Mermaid, but still.

My point exactly!

[Dar]

My daughter got a tattoo on her 18th birthday. It wasn't that I had forbidden it until then, but more that stuff kept coming up that seemed like good reasons to wait (international travel) and then by the time she got home and settled it was just a few months from her 18th birthday anyway, so it seemed like a nice symbolic was to mark the day. She's happy with it. I don't like how it looks, but then it's her body and I don't have to see it (it's also hidden by clothing, except like a bikini or something). It healed well and the tattoo artist was clearly skillful.

She's got a few holes in each ear, I'm not really sure how many. My big thing was to go to a real piercer, not the mall. She never wanted to do the stretching, though, but I think up to a certain gauge I would have shrugged it off. And her hair has been different colors for years and years.

I think it's harder when it's a modification I personally find aesthetically unattractive... like, for me the nose piercing and tongue piercing are unattractive, but I do like the pierced eyebrow look, with a small hoop maybe. I find tattoos ugly, too, but I think I'm in the minority these days (both my siblings have a few of them).

I guess I'd focus on safety and reversibility, and work with her from there... I wouldn't want it to become a huge power struggle so that the minute she turned 18 she went out and did crazy stuff she might regret, but I also think you can sort of pace things so she doesn't do something she might later regret. Come to think of it, I think I did ask Rain to come up with a tattoo idea and then wait 6 months and see if she still wanted it, which she did, but by then other stuff had some up. If it's something she'll have forever, though, I think it's reasonable to see if she'd still want it in 6 months.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy 


She wants to be a midwife currently. And yes, the portraits should have been done months ago, but life has been a busy nightmare and we keep putting it off.

I think that either the portrait needs to be a high enough priority that you make the appointment in the next 24 hours, or she should get to color her hair now. I understand being super busy, but you being busy isn't a reason for her to not die her hair. If you can't make the portrait thing happen right away, that's fine, but there's no reason for her to not have blue right now then. She could be sick of blue hair by the time you get around to doing the portrait.

I think that tasteful body art would be fine as a midwife. I would talk to her more about where she wants the tat, and if it really represents what she wants to represent about herself.  I would also talk to her about the importance of going someplace that actually follows the laws. I'm not sure how you find that out, but people do get hepatitus (sp) from tats, so one does need to be very selective. She can do this the minute she turns 18, so helping her make GOOD choices about it seem more important to me than saying "yes" or "no." 

The "no" is so temporary that it is sort of meaningless. Getting a tat on one's 18th birthday seems like a nice rite of passage. Taking time to really think about what you want makes sense.

Personally, I think gauged eyes look really, really stupid. I wouldn't want a health care provider of any sort who had them or had the scars, but I'm old and will never hire a midwife again! 

[Arduinna]

24 hours, come on. Dying your hair is not a life and death I have to do it NOWWWWW situation. Boy this thread makes me grateful I don't have one of those demanding kids that.

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy 
A PP said you could go up to 00 before needing surgery, now I'm confused again!

So every ear lobe on earth can be stretched to 9-10mm - not 11mm as that's the magical point of no return - and shrink to its previous state? I didn't read the PP so I might have missed something but, it is a common misconception that lobe stretching can be a temporary body modification. I mean, it can be, but should be done with the understanding that it most likely is a permanent alteration of flesh.  

[Purple*Lotus]

My Mom allowed me to have blue hair at around that age, too.  The only thing I would speak to her about is whether or not it would be okay with her employer, if she has one.  I ended up mysteriously getting fired the day after I dyed my hair blue, so now I am always sure to check with the higher ups before I dye my hair a non traditional color.  My current employer could care less what color our hair is, so that is good. 

The piercings I think are fine, as she could take them out if she wanted to.  I agree with the PP, that I would ask her to wait until she was 18 for the other things, because ear stretching and tattoos are harder to reverse.  I actually have no clue about ear stretching, I assume it is hard to reverse.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I think that either the portrait needs to be a high enough priority that you make the appointment in the next 24 hours, or she should get to color her hair now. I understand being super busy, but you being busy isn't a reason for her to not die her hair. If you can't make the portrait thing happen right away, that's fine, but there's no reason for her to not have blue right now then. She could be sick of blue hair by the time you get around to doing the portrait.

I think that tasteful body art would be fine as a midwife. I would talk to her more about where she wants the tat, and if it really represents what she wants to represent about herself.  I would also talk to her about the importance of going someplace that actually follows the laws. I'm not sure how you find that out, but people do get hepatitus (sp) from tats, so one does need to be very selective. She can do this the minute she turns 18, so helping her make GOOD choices about it seem more important to me than saying "yes" or "no." 

The "no" is so temporary that it is sort of meaningless. Getting a tat on one's 18th birthday seems like a nice rite of passage. Taking time to really think about what you want makes sense.

Personally, I think gauged eyes look really, really stupid. I wouldn't want a health care provider of any sort who had them or had the scars, but I'm old and will never hire a midwife again! 

Well even with me reminding her every day or two to make an appointment with the hairdresser (the mom of a friend of hers), she hasn't done so, so I haven't been put under the gun to get the portraits done either. If she told me today that she's getting idtdyed on Thursday, I'd have the appointment made in the meantime.

And the tatto she wants first? A DArk Mark on her left forearm. Pretty damn noticeable.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by Arduinna 

24 hours, come on. Dying your hair is not a life and death I have to do it NOWWWWW situation. Boy this thread makes me grateful I don't have one of those demanding kids that.

Luckily, I don't either.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by Purple*Lotus 

My Mom allowed me to have blue hair at around that age, too.  The only thing I would speak to her about is whether or not it would be okay with her employer, if she has one.  I ended up mysteriously getting fired the day after I dyed my hair blue, so now I am always sure to check with the higher ups before I dye my hair a non traditional color.  My current employer could care less what color our hair is, so that is good. 

The piercings I think are fine, as she could take them out if she wanted to.  I agree with the PP, that I would ask her to wait until she was 18 for the other things, because ear stretching and tattoos are harder to reverse.  I actually have no clue about ear stretching, I assume it is hard to reverse.

She works concession at a big movie theatre. One of her supervisors has stretched ears, not sure about hair colour, but that's a good point.

[Irishmommy]

Oh, I just asked her. Her friend dyed her hair blue, so she no longer wants to, She is back to the red I pictured earlier! I think that would be awesome on her, even in a portrait.

[Purple*Lotus]

I would have her check just to make sure.  Better to be safe than risk a job, unless she is okay with losing the job.  I was shocked when my boss told me she could care less, it was not the reaction I was expecting, because I am a teacher. 
 

Originally Posted by Irishmommy 

Originally Posted by Purple*Lotus 

My Mom allowed me to have blue hair at around that age, too.  The only thing I would speak to her about is whether or not it would be okay with her employer, if she has one.  I ended up mysteriously getting fired the day after I dyed my hair blue, so now I am always sure to check with the higher ups before I dye my hair a non traditional color.  My current employer could care less what color our hair is, so that is good. 

The piercings I think are fine, as she could take them out if she wanted to.  I agree with the PP, that I would ask her to wait until she was 18 for the other things, because ear stretching and tattoos are harder to reverse.  I actually have no clue about ear stretching, I assume it is hard to reverse.

She works concession at a big movie theatre. One of her supervisors has stretched ears, not sure about hair colour, but that's a good point.
 

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Arduinna 

24 hours, come on. Dying your hair is not a life and death I have to do it NOWWWWW situation. Boy this thread makes me grateful I don't have one of those demanding kids that.

The mom has been meaning to make the portrait appointment for months. Months. Waiting to die your hair for months because some else is stuck isn't reasonable.  (no offense to the OPer, I understand being busy)

I don't think it's reasonable to tell a teen that can do X when the parent gets around to doing Y and then just never get around to doing Y.  

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irishmommy 

Well even with me reminding her every day or two to make an appointment with the hairdresser (the mom of a friend of hers), she hasn't done so, so I haven't been put under the gun to get the portraits done either. If she told me today that she's getting idtdyed on Thursday, I'd have the appointment made in the meantime.

And the tatto she wants first? A DArk Mark on her left forearm. Pretty damn noticeable.

I don't understand -- why are you reminding her every day or two if you want her to wait until the portrait is done?

I wouldn't remind her, but I wouldn't disallow it. I'd just leave it. 
 

Originally Posted by Purple*Lotus 

The only thing I would speak to her about is whether or not it would be okay with her employer, if she has one.  I ended up mysteriously getting fired the day after I dyed my hair blue, so now I am always sure to check with the higher ups before I dye my hair a non traditional color.  ...

I actually have no clue about ear stretching, I assume it is hard to reverse.

Ear gauging without the little ---- ear rings??-- can end up looking really weird, like little anuses. I'm not sure if that is just if the whole things goes wrong, or just what happens.

I also think that some forms of body art can end up with job interviews that are polite but result in "no thank you" letters. In spite of the fact that tats and piercings are very common where we live, when I walk around my DH's company, no one has any tats that show, facial piercings, or ear gauges.

I think the dark mark on a forearm sounds like a kid tattoo, and not something an adult would want. It's like having a bumper sticker that says, "come to the dark side, we have cookies" except harder to remove. I can't imagine anyone in labor wanting to look at the dark mark. Has she run this past any one working in midwifery?

[Irishmommy]

I'm reminding her partly so that I'll get the portraits done, and partly because I know it's something she wants. But not enough for her to make one call.

And no, she's not talked to work or a midwife about any of this. I think that will be my next step.

[SubliminalDarkness]

I had to look up what the symbol meant. I'd never heard of it. Makes sense, I've never seen the movies or read the books. I agree, it doesn't sound like something a person might want to have long term. You might, or you really might not. But this is one of the reasons I don't think minors should be getting body mods.... They change their minds a lot. It's just not worth it. There's no good reason to rush to get a tattoo. 

I think back to the tattoos I wanted as a teenager, and thank goodness I had to wait until I was older. Even now, if I want a new tattoo, I make myself wait at least six months. In a lot of cases, I end up changing my mind. 

[Irishmommy]

Sorry, I assumed everyone knew what it was!

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy 

I'm reminding her partly so that I'll get the portraits done, and partly because I know it's something she wants. But not enough for her to make one call.

 

But if she can't be bothered to make a phone call about the one thing on her list that you will allow, how much does she want any of this? When she says things like "I want a tattoo of the dark mark on my forearm" does she really mean it? Or does she just mean that it would be cool/funny/whatever. There's a big difference between thinking a particular tattoo would be cool, and deeply wanting the tattoo.

[SilverFish]

i can't imagine telling a nearly 17 year old she couldn't dye her hair. i started dying mine all sorts of colours when i was about 13. i can sort of understand not wanting her to get tattooed, but piercings are another thing i can't really imagine telling my older teenage daughter she wasn't "allowed" to do. i was 17 when i got my first tattoo and it is a truly beautiful piece of work. i had a fair number of piercings by then too, and the great thing about piercings is that they can almost always be removed without any issue... hence the only one still remaining is my nose piercing i got in my 20s.

look, i get that it's not something you think is a good idea, but i honestly don't think it's your call. body mods (and hair dye does NOT fall into that category... that's along the lines of make-up in my book) are something that truly only hurt the person who does them. she's not going to be unemployed for life because she has a few tattoos... i'm an elementary teacher and no one has ever said a thing to me about them (nor has it affected my ability to get a job, even in very conservative atmospheres). a lot of people 30 and younger, maybe even the majority, have some kind of minor body mod at this point... it's just not going to be something that affects her life with any severity in the future. as long as she is paying for it herself, going to reputable shops and is aware that her choice of placement, subject matter and size of body mod are in some way permanent, it's all good. maybe she WILL regret her first choice of tattoo, or get bored of her conch piercing, or have someone react negatively to her hair colour. these are learning experiences though, and nothing that is going to seriously ruin her life.

just so you know where i'm coming from: my parents are conservative christian missionaries. when we moved back to north america, i was really drawn to alternative culture and within a couple of years was getting pierced, tattooed etc. i don't agree with all the decisions my parents made, but one thing i really appreciate was that they emphasized caring about my ACTIONS, not my appearance. my mom used to help me dye my hair purple, she said she thought my tattoo was pretty (wasn't thrilled i got it though), she never criticized my choice of piercing, and she never banned me from getting them. i think it's a pretty normal part of teenagerhood to experiment with one's appearance, and the resounding message i got from my parents was that they loved me no matter how freaky or ridiculous i looked to them. the message you're sending to your daughter right now is that you think she will look terrible with blue hair, and you want her to 'look normal' ... basically, that your approval of her is tied to her appearance. 

finally, this will either become a pretty permanent part of her life, or she'll get over it and move on. i haven't gotten a new tattoo in a loooong time, haven't dyed my hair bright colours since university and only have my nose piercing now... i'm pretty clean cut looking now and no one would probably guess how i looked at about 17-18. making it into a battle seems silly and counter productive to me.

[karne]

Originally Posted by SilverFish 

just so you know where i'm coming from: my parents are conservative christian missionaries. when we moved back to north america, i was really drawn to alternative culture and within a couple of years was getting pierced, tattooed etc. i don't agree with all the decisions my parents made, but one thing i really appreciate was that they emphasized caring about my ACTIONS, not my appearance. my mom used to help me dye my hair purple, she said she thought my tattoo was pretty (wasn't thrilled i got it though), she never criticized my choice of piercing, and she never banned me from getting them. i think it's a pretty normal part of teenagerhood to experiment with one's appearance, and the resounding message i got from my parents was that they loved me no matter how freaky or ridiculous i looked to them. the message you're sending to your daughter right now is that you think she will look terrible with blue hair, and you want her to 'look normal' ... basically, that your approval of her is tied to her appearance. 

I have to comment that I love what you have shared here, esp. the piece about actions vs. appearance.  I understand that's not the whole picture here, but I do think this is worth considering when we talk to our kids.  I am no where near having a kid who wants tatooes or piercings yet, as mine is 12, but I do have regular conversations w/my dd about how she is thinking of coloring/streaking her hair-this is probably in our future.  I have to say that I wouldn't have done this at her age (too inhibited), and I'm frankly happy that she's feeling self confident enough to want to express herself in this way.

I occasionally hear of kids doing piercings on their own, and I wonder why.  Just being kids, or lack of feeling like there is open communication?