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Did - your - mom breastfeed you? CIO? - Page 3

post #41 of 91
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Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post

 



 



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Originally Posted by sunnygir1 View Post





Looks like the quote function may not have worked, but anyway.  I think the difference is that we often talk about co-sleeping with infants and toddlers, and she is talking about her mother coming to her bed when she was an older child.

 

Yeah, quoting is not working right.

 

Anyway, yes. This is why I don't call it co-sleeping. I was in my own room in my own crib from day 1 in infancy. I remember as a very small child being lonely and scared of the dark, etc. My mom began sleeping in my room with me when I complained, but then, I had to be old enough and verbal enough to complain. I think this went on from age 4ish to age 8-9ish. 

 

I call it definitely not co-sleeping because I truly think my begging her to sleep with me in later childhood was a result of non-attachment and little to no co-sleeping in the early years.

 

For the record, she told me in adult hood that the only reason she would come sleep with me was to get me to stop waking her up. Which is the logical reasoning for cosleeping in the first place, but all the emotional connection is a reason to co-sleep. That reason is not why she came to my bed with me. Kind of like when people plug a pacifier in just to stop the crying, rather than take the time to meet other needs. She used to yell at me about squirming and fidgeting too, and didn't actually, like, cuddle me or anything. 

 

But she did come sleep with me, which I appreciated. 

 

 

post #42 of 91

My parents didn't co-sleep, instead my brother and I shared a room as babies.  My mom wanted to BF me, but had a hard time b/c my older brother (adopted from Korea) was only 6mo when I was born, so 2 babies, one on the boob and one the bottle was hard to manage.  I was BF for about 2 weeks I think.

 

She's an awesome mama though.  I got pretty lucky!!  No CIO, she thinks thats terrible, and I don't know if I'd call her super AP, but she's a great mama, and VERY supportive of all my choices.

post #43 of 91

My mom did not BF me (I am the oldest of 3 kids); I was a C-section baby and she said the doc asked her if she wanted to BF and if she didn't he was going to give her a shot to stop her milk from coming in (this was 33 years ago and she was 21 when she had me), so that's what she did. She DID however, EBF my younger sister and brother (kind of makes me mad when I think about it! lol).

 

I didn't BF my first (I wanted to badly but my milk never came in, long story), but my 2nd and now 3rd are breastfed and I love it! I do feel very guilty about my oldest not being BF (even though it wasn't my choice) because I know how it makes me kind of jealous that my mom didn't nurse me. :(

 

Oh- and my parents definitely did NOT cosleep. They also did not do CIO b/c my dad couldn't stand to hear me cry.

post #44 of 91

I did not live with my mom as a baby. I see my mom sometimes and I already know she thinks nursing is gross. It actually makes me want to nurse longer, knowing how she feels about it.

 

For my own daughter, she says IF she has children, she will definitely nurse them for a long time. I know she plans to nurse for years...IF she has them. She always says IF. 

post #45 of 91

My mother had 7 of us, 6 of us lived (i'm #7, #6 died of anencephaly).

 

She had 3 of us at home, #1 was born in a nursing home (in 1955) and #5, #6 and #7 were all born in hospital.  #5 was an emergency csection for an abrupting placenta praevia at 31 weeks, she lost 3000cc of blood and they both nearly died.  #6 was a spontaneous vaginal birth at 23weeks, listed as a miscarriage (though i think he did try to breathe a little but being anencephalic he was not helped or even held while he died :(), #7, me, i was a planned csection at 37+4 because they thought a VBAC was too risky.

 

She breastfed all of us surviving kids apart from the preavia baby - he was too teeny to suck for a long time and her massive bloodloss meant her milk barely came in anyway.  She did try to pump for him but by the time he left hospital she had no milk so he was onto formula.

 

She breastfed me for about 9 or 10 months and then i went onto cow.  The rest got slightly less because the first 3 were born with only 10-11 months between each birth and she was told it was too dangerous to tandem nurse (she was also told if she BF she wouldn't be able to get pregnant again...twice!).  My sister, in at #4, got about 12months i think.

 

She never CIO any of us.  The thought horrified her.  She coslept with the baby until we were big enough to sleep through spontaneously (about 12-18months usually) then we went into our own rooms (with siblings).

 

I was influenced in that i knew homebirth was safe and never considered anything but BFing in terms of feeding.

 

She died before i had my first baby, so i might know more/different things if she had lived to see ME parenting.

post #46 of 91


I'm so sorry :(
 

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Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post

 

She died before i had my first baby

post #47 of 91

my mom bf me and my other 2 siblings. she also used CIO. actually, lol, she said we "never cried at night" so i don't think her memory is too clear on that part. both have influenced me - definitely. i bf my ds, but we definitely do not use CIO. we cosleep, which my mom never did with us. she is very supportive of breastfeeding (albeit I need to cover more), but completely against co-sleeping. she insists that my son "wants his own bed". which i think is hilarious and ridiculous since he loves to snuggle with us.

post #48 of 91

my mom breastfed all of us until at least a year, and she did not CIO. she said we were all great sleepers except my brother who didn't stop waking at night until a year when she weaned him, but she never said she let us cry alone. this influenced my decision for sure! pro-bf mom and a sister who had 3 kids before me who all BF'd for at least 2 years..it's my normal!

post #49 of 91

It isn't so much my parenting choice as what was done in my country. I don't think anyone was formula-fed routinely or made to sleep separately. However, my mother had to leave me at home when I was a month old and go to work for half a day. She hated having to do so, but she had no choice. My parents were supporting too many people including older children, parents, and extended family. My grandmother gave me dilute tomato juice and dilute dried grape juice in the interim, because that was what the doctor told my mother to give me at the time, when she couldn't nurse me directly. Plus, she only nursed me for 6 months, and I think it was the same with my brother and sister. Luckily, I get a year's maternity leave (which just finished this month), so I have been able to nurse my little one and continue to do so now, with no intentions of stopping anytime soon.

 

No plastics, no artificial foods, etc. were my father's parenting choices. He was a scientist, and didn't believe that food and factories mixed well. I think my choices are more reflective of my father's choices than my mother's, because my mother went with the flow and did the best she could, without having strong opinions. However, to this day, she'll never boast of our achievements, and I find it odd when others do so about their kids. I wouldn't toot my own horn about how great a parent I am. I may think it, but won't say it.

 

Clarification: Proudly speaking of kid's achievements and constantly boasting of them are different.

post #50 of 91

My mother breastfed all of us. She said it was really sad for my grandmother, because she had wanted to nurse her children, but back then they gave you a shot to dry you up no questions asked. So seeing my mother breastfeed made her sad that she wasn't able to, and sad that she couldn't offer advice! My mom also didn't do CIO as a rule, but her and my oldest sister tell the story of when the Dr told her she needed to with me. So they stayed up watching Mary Tyler Moore and waiting for me to cry from my bed, but all I did was yell Mama three times and then that was it. So I can't tell you how it would have turned out if I did cry, but I do know that they decided to try.


 

post #51 of 91

My mom bf me and my 2 siblings and let us self-wean (which we all did just after the 3 year mark) and that has definitely affected my parenting views and planned style.  I currently bf my daughter and plan to let her self-wean as well.  For me, the biggest influence wasn't so much that my mom did it, but that I'm so much older than my siblings (8 years and 14 years) that I was able to witness the bonding and positive experiences for everyone involved and immediately knew that's what I wanted with my own children.

post #52 of 91

My mom didn't bf me. She had severe post partum psychosis after having my older brother, which didn't get diagnosed until it got really bad and she had to be hospitalized. She was on lithium for the next 4 years until she found out she was pregnant with me. Pretty much the instant I was born they put her back on it and told her that she couldn't bf me, which I don't think she minded. I think she felt very contemporary to not have to bf.

 

Growing up I was always "the crybaby" in the family, and they all just let me cry for hours and hours on end. I have memories of being really young, staring up into the ceiling lights, eyes cloudy with tears, not remembering why I was crying but just wanting affection.  I don't think I really learned to self-soothe myself until I was much older.

 

This has definitely affected how I plan to parent my new LO that's coming. I think I've always kinda resented the way I was raised, so it has always been natural for me to do the opposite of what my parents did... that must be what pointed me in the direction of learning about cosleeping & bfing, but now I'm choosing these things because I think they are going to be what's best for me & my family. My mom isn't alive anymore, so I don't know what she'd think about these choices, but my dad thinks that once I'm 3 months in to the whole parenting gig, that I'm going to drop my natural parenting style and start using formula, CIO, eating fast food daily, and everything else that's the "easy" road (at least what's easy in his mind).
 

post #53 of 91

good for you for figuring out your own path. i think your self awareness and understanding what you didn't like about your own upbringing will definitely help you as a parent. how sad that you remember staring up at the ceiling crying for hours. :( 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by cat13 View Post

My mom didn't bf me. She had severe post partum psychosis after having my older brother, which didn't get diagnosed until it got really bad and she had to be hospitalized. She was on lithium for the next 4 years until she found out she was pregnant with me. Pretty much the instant I was born they put her back on it and told her that she couldn't bf me, which I don't think she minded. I think she felt very contemporary to not have to bf.

 

Growing up I was always "the crybaby" in the family, and they all just let me cry for hours and hours on end. I have memories of being really young, staring up into the ceiling lights, eyes cloudy with tears, not remembering why I was crying but just wanting affection.  I don't think I really learned to self-soothe myself until I was much older.

 

This has definitely affected how I plan to parent my new LO that's coming. I think I've always kinda resented the way I was raised, so it has always been natural for me to do the opposite of what my parents did... that must be what pointed me in the direction of learning about cosleeping & bfing, but now I'm choosing these things because I think they are going to be what's best for me & my family. My mom isn't alive anymore, so I don't know what she'd think about these choices, but my dad thinks that once I'm 3 months in to the whole parenting gig, that I'm going to drop my natural parenting style and start using formula, CIO, eating fast food daily, and everything else that's the "easy" road (at least what's easy in his mind).
 



 

post #54 of 91
I was a 33 week premie and they wouldn't let my mom nurse said her nipples were too big for my mouth so she pumped and bottle fed for a bit but then got really engorged and I couldn't latch so ended up ffing within a few weeks. 10 years later in the same nicu she nurse my 33week premie sister successfully with the support and help from a great nurse....who happened to be my nurse 21 years later when I had the twins....
My mom did CIO and didn't want to let me cosleep due to dr. Spoke type sentiments of the day....she has since apologized.
I remember crying outside my moms room for hours some nights so not doing CIO and cosleeping was not just intuitive but a direct result of my experience
post #55 of 91

My mother nursed me for a year and my brother for 2.  I slept in her bed often untill my brother was born. she was very supportive of nursing. I nurse my children. I did not co-sleep because it is not for me but they were in the same room with me untill I think 8 or 9 months when they started sleeping at night.

:Some of what my mom did influence me in the way that I did the opposite: I went to therapy and never used alchold to drink my troubles away

post #56 of 91

My mom used formula with both of us, and I remember both of us having a ton of ear infections. We've only had ONE ear infection in this whole family, ever! :)

post #57 of 91

She sure did, both my brother and I were breastfed past 2 years, slept with mum and dad (either same bed or same room) for a few years, weren't left to CIO, weren't ever hit, etc. Mum's probably even crunchier than I am!

post #58 of 91
My mom only breastfed me for six weeks, and she did CIO (and smoked like a chimney while she was pregnant). However she came from a very abusive family where she and her siblings were routinely beaten by their alcoholic father and she resolved to only treat her children with love...which she did love.gif.

I wish she had co-slept with me. I was massively afraid of sleeping alone as a child, and I was also afraid of the dark. Some of my earliest memories are of being paralyzed with fear looking at the moon-shadows on my bedroom walls and hearing scraping sounds outside the window (there were rosebushes there I later found out). I must have been about two. And since I am an only child I never was even able to share a bedroom with anyone until college. In fact my parents slept upstairs so I was alone on the main floor of the house at night, and I never stopped hating it and feeling frightened.
post #59 of 91

My mom BF me for the first 3 months. Then she got mastitis and was tolld by her Dr that she had to stop BF-ing. She did use CIO, again as she was instructed to by her Dr. She has actually apologized for CIO saying she wishes she would've known then what she knows now and she never would've done CIO. I think she really did try to do what was best for us kids, and I've got a great relationship with her. She is my DS's favorite person in the world.

post #60 of 91

Whenever I think about my mom breastfeeding me, I just take a moment to sit back in awe.  She had a really, REALLY rough labor and delivery with me. I ended up being a forceps baby, and she ended up being knocked out with some heavy meds.  She developed an infection, and couldn't even see me for 3 days till her fever broke. And it was 1976. Not exactly the breastfeeding epicenter of the 20th century.  But my mother was able to, despite all that, breastfeed me for about three months. Her milk dried up because of some really bad advice and other external factors right around that time and I was switched to formula. (I was already on some solid foods at that point, anyway.  I know, I know. It makes me shudder :lol )  I am so proud of my mom for nursing me as much as she could, despite the adversity she faced. 

 

I don't think she did CIO with me, or my brother. Well, I know she didn't with my brother, because there are stories of him not being able to sleep, and mom and dad taking turns pacing the halls with him.

 

I'll tell you what, those things don't really affect the way I parent. You know what did? Spanking. Yelling, screaming, belittling. THAT's the stuff that I have consciously thought about in my own parenting and try really hard to do differently.  REALLY hard.  Sometimes it works (I am not a spanker.) Sometimes it doesn't (I am, unfortunately, a screamer). It's a process and I'm working on it.

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