18 year old with parents who are majorly messing up --school and health related

[Notyet11]

I am so heart broken right now, my brilliant sweet younger sister is 18 now, she has been for a few months. It has come to light that my parents, my mom in particular has been negligent, for lack of a better word, in regards to her education and now her health and financial well being. Some background is that my sister has a rare and very serious immune deficiency, because of this she has been homeschooled since elementary school. Middle school was through an online charter school, but high school was (largely self guided) all at home. State law requires registration each year and then a review of the yearly portfolio to be legal. This never happened through all four years, even after I found out and sent them all of the information necessary to try to make it right.

My sister's weekly treatment costs several thousand dollars, she qualifies/qualified for medicaid because my father had lost his job. Since then he and my mom have both found and started jobs but neither has insurance yet. Evidently they were supposed to send in paperwork showing their income which they failed to do and her coverage has now been denied.

So at this point my sister has a middle school education and is a truant in the eyes of the world (her actual education level is absolutely on par with or exceeds that of the average high school student). She has a life threatening illness that she will soon not be able to treat and her credit will soon be shot if it isn't already. I live halfway across the country -she is welcome here and we could get her here but I don't know if she will come. I don't think she realizes that this is an emergency type situation. What can I do to help her, are there ways to get her freed of consideration of my parents? Is there some way we could get her on our insurance? If she were under 18 I would at this point get CPS involved and I would sue for custody. She is in the gray zone where you are an adult but your parents are still considered part of the picture for things like health care and college loans and such. I would appreciate any help or suggestions you could offer, thank you.

[gbailey]

What an awful situation OP. Since your sister is 18, can she apply for medicaid on her own? With no income, I would think she would qualify. Some medical facilities have an office that can help her with the paperwork. I suggest looking into that if she's not wanting to move. Have you discussed the possibility of her moving with you and your family. Do you know why your parents are being so lax with her insurance. 

[Notyet11]

I think they tend to just bury their heads in the sand, anything they don't want to deal with is ignored in the hopes that it will magically resolve itself. I assume they were worried too that she would lose coverage because they were working. My father was at one point doing work under the table and there was probably some fear about that too. Largely though it is plain old lack of responsibility, they have put me and my other siblings in similar but never such dire situations. What's worse is then my mom paints this picture of how it is all our fault -my sister was blamed for not taking care of the school paperwork but at the same time when you are 15 and you see your parents might be facing jail time and fines for not sending you to school it is too scary and too big a burden to bear.

I am fairly certain that the health coverage at 18 still requires information about the parents income. I will see what I can find out tomorrow when offices are open but I can't seem to figure out how to get around that without her marrying or having a child, neither of which or remotely reasonable options.

[gbailey]

Wow, OP. Is there anything your parents can do at this point to get her coverage ASAP even if you have to, unfortunately,lead them by the hand to do? 
 

Originally Posted by Notyet11 

I think they tend to just bury their heads in the sand, anything they don't want to deal with is ignored in the hopes that it will magically resolve itself. I assume they were worried too that she would lose coverage because they were working. My father was at one point doing work under the table and there was probably some fear about that too. Largely though it is plain old lack of responsibility, they have put me and my other siblings in similar but never such dire situations. What's worse is then my mom paints this picture of how it is all our fault -my sister was blamed for not taking care of the school paperwork but at the same time when you are 15 and you see your parents might be facing jail time and fines for not sending you to school it is too scary and too big a burden to bear.

I am fairly certain that the health coverage at 18 still requires information about the parents income. I will see what I can find out tomorrow when offices are open but I can't seem to figure out how to get around that without her marrying or having a child, neither of which or remotely reasonable options.

[Lisa1970]

Some states will allow her to file as a disabled person, for school aid. I know where I live, Texas, they used to have excellent programs that got people full ride along with medical care. I do not recall what it was through, other than that students at the university I was going through who went to the office for students with disabilities were getting help. I would start by flying my sister to me and immediately getting her on medicaid. Since she is 18 now, she is not dependent on her parents income for that. However, a FAFSA will require their income so that is why I suggested the disabilities office for help there.

[waiting2bemommy]

There is Adult protective services in most places. You could contact them. Also, if the medicaid was allowed to lapse before her 18th birthday then CPS could possibly still be involved in forcing your parents to bear the financial burden for her medical needs until the insurance is straightened out.

If she is desperate for health care she can go to the ER and when she gets the bill apply to the hospital's charity care program.

Also, this is drastic but I know in many places if you are homeless you can qualify for emergency aid including healthcare. It may take up to 30 days to get the card but they will retroactively pay any bills you incur from the date of application. The definition of homelessness is quite broad and she could use it if she were (temporarily, ahem) staying with you because her parents' home was no longer a safe environment due to their medical neglect and she had nowhere else to go. Or she could go to a shelter for one night and take the paperwork the next morning down to the local Social Services to apply for emergency aid.

They will only count your parents income if she lives with them....it's not like financial aid for school where you are dependent until 23 or something.

[Notyet11]

Thank you all so much for your help. I wish I could update and say she is happily here with me and we are on our way to sort it all out but it isn't the case.  She is really struggling with what the right thing to do is.  Basically there is no way around the fact that for her to fix things it will have to cause a major, possibly unfixable rift between her and our parents.  For her right now that would be worse than all of these other things, she genuinely trusts that somehow things will get worked out and that it is just an honest mistake.  My other siblings and I (there are four of us total) have all had these experiences with my parents and wound up with major problems when they said they would take care of things and they didn't. I feel like I am just watching a train wreck.  The medical treatment she requires is technically prevention so the ER will not do it and on top of that any time she walks in the door of the local ER they just arrange a transfer to the hospital her specialist is at which is 2 hours away because they don't have the ability to handle her situation (she needs an isolated room that is set up for immunosuppressed patients and they don't have them in the ER).  I hate knowing that she is in this situation and that I can't do anything else.  I did look into the adult protective services but she is developmentally 100% normal and she is quite intelligent, someone would talk to her for 30 seconds and see clearly that she does not fall under their jurisdiction.  She won't even entertain the idea of "moving out" either because it would take admitting that my parents are not perfect both to herself and to whomever she "moved in" with.  I do appreciate the safe place to get this all out and all the suggestions!  Thank you all!

[waiting2bemommy]

Another thought....

Would she be willing to see a counselor? It doesn't have to be framed as anything negative, maybe just pitch it to her as "talking to a neutral party who might have some better ideas about getting the medical stuff straightened out without upsetting Mom and Dad."

Since she doesn't have insurance she would need to go through the local health department/social services. They offer free/sliding scale services. Typically there is a wait but they also have a crisis intervention unit, which does immediate appts. Ususally to qualify for crisis intervention they want the client to be in immediate danger. They mean suicidal but I would think that this situation qualifies as a life threatening crisis and that's all I would say to them.

Just another idea, no idea if it helps or not!!!

[Notyet11]

I really like the counseling idea, I think that no matter what path she decides to take it would be a good choice for her.  I will look into some options and suggest it. Thank you!

[JudiAU]

I think you need expert advice. Is there a really good free or reduced price health care clinic near you. Can you call for an appointment and discuss the case. They are often the experts about various health care laws. They may be able to treat her. If they can't, they often contacts with consulting doctors who will take a patient for temporary care in such a situation. Our nanny has state healthcare for her doctor and vastly prefers the local excellent free clinic near us. Depending on where in California you are, it is the Saban Free Clinic http://www.thesabanfreeclinic.org/ 

Being without insurance is terrifying to me.

If it is too late to resolve her diploma situation and credit in her home state or California, consider a GED. It will allow her move forward and take classes like at a Community College. 1 or 2 years of classes under her belt and she can transfer anywhere. Most colleges will not accept an "undocumented" high school graduate unless they are religious and the classes don't usually transfer/no accreditation.

[SleeplessMommy]

Some employers allow you to add a non-child dependent to the plan. (for example if a parent lives with you) Since you have several siblings there are several chances there. She might also have assess to lower cost health insurance if she enrolled at a community college.

Is there a national advocacy organization for her illness? You could call them and ask for advice about how to navigate the health insurance system (medicaid or whatever) to help her.