How can I use any of the following to my advantage?

[InsideOut]

Yesterday, X, DS and I drove over an hour to see X's mother. I've been having plenty of issues with both X and his mother (she threatening Grandparents Rights on me).

I didn't want to go but agreed so that they could have time together. Things were tense between X's mother and I since the last time we spoke and she yelled at me and hung up the phone on me.

So bear with me as I give a quick rundown:

She initiates conversation with me when DS goes down for a nap asking me why I hate her, with tears in her eyes. I reply that I don't hate her but I have issues that I would've discussed with her long ago had she not hung up on me or ignored my phone call. Then things quickly deteriorated (read, she lost it). She said --> Do you know who you're effing with? Don't eff with me! Do you hate me because (her son, my X) loves me? Are you jealous of me? You got pregnant on purpose. You're only breastfeeding to keep DS away from us. You're harming DS by feeding him chunks of food and letting him gag. You're harming DS by only giving him breastmilk, it's not good enough. You're a selfish, awful mother for being in school. You're not even DS' primary caregiver, your grandmother is! I don't give a shhh about you, or how you feel, I just want to see my grandson. I want quality time with the baby, I don't want you around. I want to see him once a week. You're a beech. And on and on and on.

Unfortunately, I did try to reason with her and have conversations pertaining to each issue she raised, but she just kept coming with it, I wasn't heard, and the truth is, you just can't reason with crazy.

She was using straight up profanity with me, using threatening language, and being really mean in general. When DS finally woke, I packed up, told X he could stay or come with us (I'd drop him off at our house which I own but have moved out of), and we all left. When X got in the car with DS he told me his mother said thank you for taking the time to bring DS over

Am I obligated to ever send DS over to her house? I will never be going again but will it go against me in court if I don't allow him to go to her place again? Here in Ontario, there are Grandparents' rights. I've never denied anybody from seeing DS so far.

This has made things very clear for me in terms of where I stand with her and X so I'm grateful for the encounter in that respect because I have no more dreams of things working out with X, and no more guilt over my gut feeling to not let her see DS without me around.

DS is 8 months, I have filed for custody, and still need to have X served. Can my mother serve him? What am I obligated to do in terms of visitation with X up until the point that things are mandated by the courts. DS and I now live about a 25 minute drive away from our house that X still lives in.

Any thing you can think of to help me at this point is appreciated.

ETA: During yesterday's visit, X started threatening that he and DS would not be leaving the house with me and that he would be making my life a living heel, including not paying the household bills - again, all of which are in my name.

Edited by InsideOut - 3/20/11 at 8:25am

[bananabee]

Wow. That's crazy!! I would never meet her again in the privacy of anyone's home. I would tell her if she wants to see DS, she can meet you at McDonald's or something. Keep it public, and she can't act like that. Sheesh. And take a friend with you so you have a witness if she does act out. If she balks, then tell her it's her decision whether to meet you or not. If you keep it via email then you'd have a record of her response or lack of response.

As for your X and the bills, do you have anything in writing? Are you legally separated or divorced? Court order about who pays what? If not, I'd get one asap. Or, inform him you are taking your name off the utilities, and having them all disconnected to protect your credit since he's been threatening you over them. If you do that through a lawyer, he won't be able to bully you.

[josybear]

in manitoba you can't have relatives serve someone, you have to pick a non-related person. it could be different there.

i agree with banababee about keeping it public, etc. and for god's sake, get your name off those bills. my ex wrecked my credit by not paying hte mortgage in the house we both owned while i lived elsewhere, and there was nothing i could do about it. it's an easy way for guys to get revenge, so don't leave that window open.

[sapphire_chan]

You're bad both because you're giving him other foods AND because you're only giving breastmilk?

Let her waste the courts time with "Grandparent's rights" they'll laugh her out of the room. (Okay, not really, that wouldn't be professional, but they'll want to)

[Kwan*Yin]

Technically you are not obligated to make sure anyone sees the baby. Obviously dad has the right to be in the baby's life and you are clearly making sure of that. I would cut all communication with the grandma. I've been threatened with all those same lines and more. She is jealous you are nursing the baby and that's it. I was told by my ex MIL that if I didn't start giving the baby bottles of formula so that she could properly bond with the baby by feeding him also that she would be contacting Child Protective Services on me. I ignored her threats and I stopped taking the baby to see her. It is a control issue. If she wants to go through the court process then let her. It will take alot of time and money. Threats are typically empty. If she wants to see the baby then let her make the effort, do the driving, and set up a third party to be present so that she can't yell and threaten you. Be sure to document what is going on so if court does come up you can have the log of what grandma said and did and how you tried to facilitate a relationship but grandma kept abusing you.