A LOVING MOTHER= A SON THAT IS A SISSY??? HELP. I NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT!

[kingsmomma]

HELLO, I AM A NEW MEMBER. I HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD SON AND LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART. I TRUST MY INSTINCTS WITH MY PARENTING AND HE IS A SUPER HAPPY SWEET WELL ROUNDED CHILD. I DID BABYWEARING WHEN HE WAS YOUNG AND WE HAVE AN INTENSE BOND.

THE PROBLEM IS THAT MY MOTHER SAYS THAT IF I NURTURE HIM TOO MUCH HE WILL BE A SISSY. THIS HURTS ME AND UPSETS ME VERY MUCH. I AM VERY ANGRY AT HER FOR JUDGEING MY PARENTING SKILLS. I WILL ADD THAT HER PARENTING SKILLS LEAVE MUCH TO BE DESIRED.

I BELIEVE IN WHOLE HEARTED NURTURING! AM I WRONG ABOUT THIS? WILL THIS TURN MY SWEET SON INTO A SISSY?

I DO NOT WANT HIM TO HAVE ANY PROBLEMS....  BUT I CANT BE WRONG ABOUT THIS... CAN  I??

SURLY A CHILD CANNOT BE LOVED TO MUCH. EITHER WAY I HAVE NO INTENTION OF CHANGEING.

I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF OTHER MOTHERS USED THIS ALL LOVING NURTURING APPROACH AND HOW THEIR SONS TURNED OUT AS THEY GOT OLDER. ALSO I STILL BREASTFEED HIM AND WILL TILL HE IS ABOUT 3, THEN BEGIN TO WEEN. SHE DOSENT SAY SO BUT I FEEL HER THOUGHTLESS EYES JUDGEING ME FOR THIS TOO.

SILLY QUESTION I KNOW BUT IT JUST REALLY MATTERS TO ME, MY SONS WELL BEING. THANKS FOR ANY REPLYS.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by kingsmomma 

I BELIEVE IN WHOLE HEARTED NURTURING! AM I WRONG ABOUT THIS? WILL THIS TURN MY SWEET SON INTO A SISSY?

You are  not wrong.  Your bond will give him a strong foundation from which to explore the world.  

I DO NOT WANT HIM TO HAVE ANY PROBLEMS....  BUT I CANT BE WRONG ABOUT THIS... CAN  I??

Your child will have problems, as heart-breaking as it is.  Very few of us get through life without problems.  A solid sense of his mom's love will help him cope with those problems.

SURLY A CHILD CANNOT BE LOVED TO MUCH. EITHER WAY I HAVE NO INTENTION OF CHANGEING.

A child cannot be loved too much, and I am glad you have no intention of changing!

I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF OTHER MOTHERS USED THIS ALL LOVING NURTURING APPROACH AND HOW THEIR SONS TURNED OUT AS THEY GOT OLDER.

DS is 15.  He is into Drama, history and politics.  Oh, and video games, lol.  He is a little shy - but then his parents are, so it is to be expected.  He has the ability to talk in public which something neither his father or I could do at that age, so kudos to him.  He is very good and patient with younger people or people with disabilities.  He is tolerant, funny and sometimes brave.   He is not afraid to speak his mind.....

You know, when I think about who he is (personality, interests) most of it comes down to temperment and environment.  

SILLY QUESTION I KNOW BUT IT JUST REALLY MATTERS TO ME, MY SONS WELL BEING. THANKS FOR ANY REPLYS.

They are not silly questions.  It sounds like you are doing just fine!

I somehow erased something I meant to respond to....You said your moms parenting skills left a lot to be desired. I would not ignore her point of view, but I would not give it the same weight as someone who's parenting skills I admired.   You cannot stop her from judging you, but you do not have to let her judging affect your decisions. If she is making judging statements you can ask her stop.  Usually telling someone you are the mother and will decide what is best for your child does the trick.  If it does not, telling her you have considerred her point of view, you disagree, you are the mom, and the topic is not up for discussion works.  

First off, I do not write in all caps.  People interpret it as yelling.

Answers above.

Welcome to MDC.

[insidevoice]

You know, as I look around the world, I think we could do with more boys who are raised to nurture, to love, to have empathy and compassion. If that means they are 'sissies' I think  that the label is the least of our worries.  

That said, my brother was raised by a feminist mother, as was I,  who taught us both the value of nurturing and caring.  She went to battle with my grandfather when he tried to take my older brother's blanket away, buzz cut his hair, and tell him to "Man Up!' like a Marine at age 4.  She let my brother pick out pretty barrettes to wear in his hair when he was young and saw me wearing them as a baby and toddler.  She taught hum that it was ok to be sensitive.  Yes, he did get picked on in elementary school.  He was a scrawly, geeky little guy who was the epitome of the word nerd- he rebelled against school by writing 'My mom likes me a lot.' on every paper for several months straight.  He would have been that kind of kid no matter what.  By middle school he grew taller, and had learned to use sarcasm to cut through the bullies. He learned to develop a core of friends who were smart and could think outside of the box.  He went through high school bluring gender lines- playing the flute, wearing pink converse, with long hair and wearing an earring. He was active in drama, band, and debate. 

He's now pretty comfortable in his role as a very manly guy who drives a truck, builds stuff, facilitates major government negotiations regarding environmental policy with ranchers and farmers, and is finishing law school in a year.  He has served in the military. He has a very 'normal' life. 

Had he not been raised with acceptance, and nurtured to see value in the person he was, he would not be the strong man he is as an adult.  There would have been no safe refuge for him from the teasing he endured early on.  He wouldn't have learned that you can be the person you are, and you will still have value within society. 

And now I have two little boys.  One is unabashedly a boy-ish ball of destruction and dirt- snips and snails and puppy dog tails personified.  The other is a very sweet, sensitive little guy who walked through the grocery store a few days ago carrying a pink poodle-purse stolen from his older sister and trying to put on a tutu.  It's all a matter of who they are within, and whether as parents, we teach them to accept and value that unconditionally. 

(On an unrelated note- egad- the caps!!!  Please locate the shift key.)

[Stephenie]

Try not to let your mother get to you. If you go against the mainstream a bit you are bound to be judged a bit. 

Think about the message you are sending your son with your parenting. You're teaching him that it's okay to love one another. That he is safe with his mama. That family is important. Think of adult men you know who share those values? I doubt you'd call them sissies. You'd probably be happy to know such kind, well rounded men. 

Keep following your heart. Don't let someone else's opinion sway your parenting. He's only two! He still needs to be babied! Keep doing what you're doing. :) 

[contactmaya]

She's wrong. Keep doing what youre doing.

[Mittsy]

Originally Posted by insidevoice 

You know, as I look around the world, I think we could do with more boys who are raised to nurture, to love, to have empathy and compassion. If that means they are 'sissies' I think  that the label is the least of our worries.  

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I heard this just a few weeks ago. Considering who it was coming from though, i didnt take to much stock. And what the hell is a sissy anyway? if its a compassionate, self assured, confident, empathetic, sympathetic, passionate, non-contrite homan being who makes a difference in this world, then I want two of em in my boys. (THUMBS UP smiliey since they dont seem to be working)

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ 

I heard this just a few weeks ago. Considering who it was coming from though, i didnt take to much stock. And what the hell is a sissy anyway? if its a compassionate, self assured, confident, empathetic, sympathetic, passionate, non-contrite homan being who makes a difference in this world, then I want two of em in my boys. (THUMBS UP smiliey since they dont seem to be working)

This!

My brother was/is a "Mama's Boy" through and through. My SDad always made comments along those same lines... he'd be a sissy, he needed to be a man, he needed to stop hiding behind Mommy (which is funny because HE is also the epitome of a "mama's boy"...) Anyway, my brother never really listened to him...and now he's a rough and tough Marine. He still loves his Mommy and doesn't have any problem saying "I love you" to any of us in front of his buddies.

[cappuccinosmom]

(Just a note--next time you post, you may want to turn off the all-caps. ;) )

No, a loving nurturing mother does not mean a boy can't or won't grow into a strong, healthy young man.  That's really the end of the argument.

It *could* go into a debate, and you would need to define all the terms etc. What constitutes "sissy"?  What constitutes "loving/nurture"?  Depending on how you define those things, the answers to the question could be very different.  But standing by itself, the implication is just silly.

I have three sons.  All were breastfed on cue, I coslept with them, I wore them with various baby carriers, hugged, loved, and touched them.  Not a one of them is a sissy.  Part of that is because that such love and nurture is healthy.  The other part of it is that they have a father who gently balances me out when I might tend towards being oversolicitous of them as they get older. 

[mindosxan]

I had to reply to this I think you are doing a wonderful thing teaching your son empathy and sensitivity, which as someone said before if that makes him a sissy...then well done! I co slept, and breastfed my son until he was two allowed him to play with dolls and kitchen sets and he is at five a sensitive boy who loves trucks and sports as well as baby dolls and cooking. He'll be fine. You are allowing him to develop into the man he was meant to be by providing unconditional love and support. Good for you!!

[kingsmomma]

Thanks ladies for the replies! It really helped me feel more confident about my parenting style. We have talked much lately and work some of our differences out. 

Oh and I am sorry about the all caps. I didnt mean to offend. This is my first time ever opening a thread and I didnt know that caps was an indication of emotional overflow. There are several people who use this computer and the keyboard just stays on cap lock all the time. I have gotten use to it and didnt even really notice. My bad. Anyhoo, thanks again for the advice. I love this site and the information here is the best on the web in my opinion. 

I feel so supported here!!