the worst part for me is feeling SO ANGRY when she is screaming at me. i hate loud noises and having her lose her temper on me is my absolute worst thing. i feel bad about my reaction but i have had moments of us both just screaming at each other... fortunately really really rare, but still ick. mostly when i'm sick, or we're both sick, or i'm on my own at night for some reason. had no idea i would ever feel so frustrated with one tiny little person... i guess cause i feel i can't just walk away and ignore her?
sleep deprivation, no time for myself, those things are hard too, sometimes.
Mama, I hear you. Unfortunately the only fix is a complete paradigm shift. I know that the baby is not doing anything TO me, she is just a baby. Nor is she loosing her temper, because she has no temper to loose!! Another unfortunate thing is that knowing this does nothing to make me feel better when it happens.
The absolute hardest thing for me is the constant strain on my emotional stamina. Everything feels too much. I'm way too sad when she cries, and way too happy when she smiles. It's all very exhausting for someone who grew up in a home where emotions were not welcome.