new baby home and things not going so well.... need some support

[sesa70]

I posted this over in the baby forum as well:

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1303727/looking-for-support-parenting-a-fussy-baby#

basically, baby has been home 10 days and is miserable :( I am really worried that something might be wrong....

[Polliwog]

I responded on your other thread but it would really help us if you could share what information you know about her.

[pumpkingirl71]

Just sending a hug! I am not sure if you mentioned trying swaddling (Happiest Baby on the Block style), but that helpd our kids a lot.

[RiverandJulie]

My adopted preemie baby was only happy when swaddled tightly (I used a miracle blanket).  He was like this for the first few months.  Oh, and the moby, upright, (I suspect he had reflux too)  I would hold off on switching formulas too.  Just my thought, milk is really more natural than soy.

I am just starting to think about mourning too.  Our babies were with their birth mother for months and then taken away.Maybe it is crazy, but I dont want to discount that there is something going on.

I just started taking DS to a chiro too, and have seen some difference in him.

FWIW-he is now 14 months and still high needs, but happy and sweet!

[sesa70]

I have tried the swaddling, and it honestly doesn't seem to make much of a difference for her. I will certainly keep trying though!

At firt I thought this was transitional/grief related as well, but dd spent her first weeks in the hospital/nursery so she never had one consistent caregiver.

High needs I can handle... I am just worried about her right now :(

 

Originally Posted by RiverandJulie 

My adopted preemie baby was only happy when swaddled tightly (I used a miracle blanket).  He was like this for the first few months.  Oh, and the moby, upright, (I suspect he had reflux too)  I would hold off on switching formulas too.  Just my thought, milk is really more natural than soy.

I am just starting to think about mourning too.  Our babies were with their birth mother for months and then taken away.Maybe it is crazy, but I dont want to discount that there is something going on.

I just started taking DS to a chiro too, and have seen some difference in him.

FWIW-he is now 14 months and still high needs, but happy and sweet!

[RiverandJulie]

I was a little distracted when I posted earlier, so some other thoughts and clarifications.  

First, I wish I had taken him to a chiropractor earlier.  We found one that is great with kids and babies and is working him through a lot of things (specifically sleep issues, but we have noticed an improvement in mood and clinginess too.)  
 

How is" happiest baby on the block" doing for you.  Swaddle, pacifier, rock/walk or steps was what we used.

I wore him all the time!  Moby is my carrier of choice, but everyone has one they like best.  Nice thing about the moby is it holds him tight.  When he wasnt in the moby, he was swaddled, he was often even swaddled in our arms.  

Oh, he was also always happier outside!  Still is..  I think the outdoors has a good combo of interesting things, without being overwhelmed.  I walked outside alot, and did work in the garden, etc.

Back to the mourning thing.  Well, I started thinking that there was this woman carrying him (in utero). That was what he heard and smelled and felt all the time.  And then she was gone.  I feel like adoptive parents intuitively respect that, but now as DS is older I am thinking about it more and respecting it more.  

Good luck!

One last thing-dont discount your instincts, maybe something is wrong, but you are going to the far end, maybe he has reflux, is lactose intolerant, or something else that in the long run is minor. I dont think it means he has special needs!

[mariaz]

I was thinking that she is probably morning as well. And possibly experiencing some fear of attachment, which would make her angry/fussy. 

Our, now 5 year old, adopted son is on the spectrum for attachment disorders. He came from the hospital to our home (although he did have visitations for two years with his birth parents). His Therapist and I figure that his primary fears associated with attachment come from his birthmother's rejection of him in utero and his rotating staff of caregivers for 7 weeks in the NICU. 

Attachment, fear, and morning are all tricky things to figure out with very young babies. I would do as much holding and babywearing as possible over the next few months.

If her problems continue you may want to contact CASE--The Center for Adoption Support and Education and see what they might have to offer in the way of advice as to how to move forward. 

[greenjavajane]

My son was fussy his first 2 months- all that worked was wearing him and co-sleeping (2 things I never did with ds1) I wore him literally all day in the moby wrap and it was a lifesaver. At 2 months he suddenly calmed although to this day at almost 3 he is still my high maintenance child!

Best of luck it is overwhelming when you can't catch a break and you want nothing more than to help your baby feel loved and secure and happy.

[marsupial-mom]

If you're worried, definitely go see a doctor!

For our LO, the first 3 months he was calmed by being swaddled, worn in a moby, sucking a paci, rocking or bouncing. He really needed to be moving in order to calm down. He would literally cry in the car at stoplights and then stop when the car moved. Wearing him was the best, but the swing also helped with that. And I don't know what we would have done without swaddle blankets. For the first 3 months he refused to sleep any other way.

Just keep trying, Mama! You'll figure out what this baby likes and doesn't like. You'll learn what cries you can fix and which ones you can't fix. Just hang in there!

[lauren]

So sorry this is such a difficult time! Do you know if there was any exposure to substances that baby could be detoxing (or withdrawing) from?

[NewBeginnings1]

Our baby seemed to have inconsolable gas issues at night. Giving him mylicon at the feeding before he got the fussiest worked wonders until he grew out of it a few weeks later. Hang in there. Yo

[zombie]

I suggest trying to talk to one of the nurses who took care of the baby in the NICU to ask for advice.  I picked up my former foster baby from the hospital and was really surprised how much the nurses loved her and were eager to help me with anything I needed to help the baby.  The NICU nurses might know the baby's quirks better than anyone and be able to offer some really helpful advice.

[lauren]

Do you have visiting nurses in your area for mother-baby phase? A lot of folks find that really helpful.

[eyeamviolet]

We had a foster baby from 8 weeks to 5 months.  Gypsy Mama wrap most of the day and co-sleeping at night worked wonders for us.  I also tried to figure out a schedule for her early on.  I mostly followed her cues for eating and sleeping and she was on a 3 hour cycle very early.  This helped a lot and she was very happy.  I second asking the nurses who initially cared for the baby.  They may have some insight.  This baby had longer and longer visits with her Mother and was returned custody at 5 months.  The Mother ignored the schedule and kept her in a car seat most of the time.  She found her to be "fussy" so we experienced very different sides to the baby. Have you tried infant massage?  It is a great way to bond with the baby and to help relieve some  of the symptoms that may be causing the baby distress.  We did massage every day and she looked forward to it she would smile and coo when I laid her down and got out the oil.  Just the fact that you are seeking help is a step in the right direction.  Good Luck

[sesa70]

Thank you everyone. Birthmom took very good care of herself throughout her pregnancy, so as far as I know there are not substances in her system.

I put in a call to the nurses today, and hopefully they will give me a call back soon with some helpful info.

[mamakat79]

We took ours to the chiropractor and my only regret is not having taken him sooner!

[WifeMomChiro]

FWIW- I've seen lots of babies with the same issues and chiropractic does wonders to calm their nervous systems.  Good luck.  I know how tough it can be (from secondhand experience from patients).

[RedOakMomma]

Ugh!  Lost a long reply...this new format sure seems buggy. :(

First of all, HUGS!

Your baby, adopted or not, is going through the most fussy time right now.  4-8 weeks can be ROUGH!  All of our kids have had a period around then when they sometimes could not be soothed, when they seemed so uncomfortable and unhappy.  I know it's really hard to go through, especially with two other kids to take care of.  It is a pretty typical phase, though, and most kids pull through it in a few weeks.  By the time you get to 9 or 10 weeks, your little girl should be feeling better.  (Oh, and exhale the worry about being a high-needs baby for life...all of our kids that had the 5/6 week fussiness have turned out to be really calm, laid-back kids.)

What really helped us was giving them probiotics (Maxi Baby-Dophilus is the brand we used...it's $7 or so, and you can find it in stores or online).  There was a study that came out a few years ago that showed babies with colic could get over the colic completely if they were given probiotics.  Not all babies, but a very very large percentage of them.  This was in babies that were 3 or 4 months old, but I've seen probiotics used with much younger babies, too.  It makes total sense...colic is fussiness from gas or pain, and if you have an imbalance of gut flora you're going to have a lot of gas and discomfort.  Probiotics help establish healthy gut flora...something all babies need in order to process their food well.  Once they have that healthy gut flora, the gas isn't as bad, they're not as fussy, and they calm down. 

The results were pretty immediate.  Maybe 2, 3 days?  We gave them probiotics (by putting the dry powder on our finger or the bottle nipple) about 3 times a day.  If we stuck with it, we'd notice a few changes...1) the fussiness decreased  2) the gassiness and uncomfortable movements/squirming/arching decreased 3) their poop became more yellow and more thick (versus slimy/mucousy).  We kept up probiotics for a couple of weeks, and by the time they get to 9 or 10 weeks we'd stop.  We brought it back now and then if their poop seemed to get off-color again, but a little probiotic in those first several weeks did wonders.

It's worth a try.  And even if it doesn't work, just remember that these few weeks are your hardest.  Fissiness peaks soon, and by the time you get to 10 weeks you should start seeing this go away.  PLEASE try probiotics, though.  I've seen it work wonders, and I've heard from friends that it worked well for their kids, too.

Keep your chin up!  I'm sure you're doing a great job!

[CrazyCatLady]

I know that both probiotics and chiro visits helped out my son tremendously.  He was adopted as a young baby and was pretty fussy at times.  If nothing else, neither of those things can hurt anything.

I hope things get better for you all soon.

[misidawnrn]

Check out this website  http://www.purplecrying.info/   we are just starting to have our new moms watch this at my hospital.  My adopted DD cried for most of the day for the first 6 weeks of life because she was withdrawing from the antidepressant Celexa.  I wore her skin to skin in a moby and that helped and I am adoptive nursing her...still at age 2.  That also helped.  She was very very irritable and it seemed nothing made her happy.  It was very frustrating to say the least but we learned patience, took turns holding, rocking, dancing etc.  Hugs to you!!!!