I need help with my 4 year old DD

[Riesmommy22]

Hi, I am new to post but not new to mothering.com. I love this site and have learned so much since my daughter was born! I need some help figuring out what to do or who to go to for my daughter. I was hoping some of you with other special needs children could give me some input.

This is Rielynn: just turned 4 years old-

I breastfed until she was almost 18 months. We still co sleep, although it is becoming a major problem. Her only comfort was me, and nursing she never attached to a blanket or any toy or other object.  She is still that way. She has some sensory issues, for example any dress up dresses are always "too scratchy" we have to put long sleeves and pants underneath them so she can wear them. her newest thing is "shaky pants" she can only wear stretch pants otherwise they are considered shaky and she doesn't want to wear them. She doesn't like most loud noises, like loud music, the blow dryer, blender etc. she has to cover her ears. Brushing her hair is a battle, she absolutely hates it. I cant really blame her, its slightly curly but I load on conditioner before I brush through it so its really not that tangled when I go through it.

She is VERY active. Others have described her as "intense" or a "handful" compared to other kids her age. Although she is never aggressive with other kids she is usually the one who gets the others all wound up. She refuses to sleep. hates it. even if she is exhausted she will fight it until the bitter end. It was taking me hours to get her settled down enough to fall asleep. I have started melatonin and now it is reduced to about a half an hour but she wakes up a million times a night and it is disrupting my sleep. She cannot sleep unless she is pressed right up against me. She wont even lay on her own pillow. I am getting exhausted. I think she is exhausted. No matter how much sleep I think she gets, say she goes to bed at 8 wakes up at 7:30 she still needs a good 2+ hour nap or shes just out of control, grumpy etc. She gets dark circles under her eyes and acts like she was given a handful of sugar when she gets tired. Nap time is a constant battle. Usually results in me getting hit/kicked etc.. until she calms down enough to lay with me and fall asleep. Used to take over an hour, I use the melatonin for nap time and it has reduced to about a half an hour again. She is aggressive with me when she is upset. Usually over going to sleep, but can just be over not getting what she wants. Time outs are impossible. She will just get up and hit me, kick me, try to bit me, scream etc..

Her attention span is poor unless it is something she really loves. She cant watch a full movie, unless she is sick. She wont sit down to learn any sort of letters or numbers. She simply has no interest. Even just trying to sing the alphabet song, its like she purposely doesn't want to try to do it correctly. I cant slow her down enough to try and teach her anything. Reading books, she will just want to skip pages etc.. Can't sit still in her chair. Anything she colors she will take maybe one crayon and quickly scribble over it and say shes done.

There is probably more I am forgetting, if you have any other questions please ask. I just have noticed, especially as she gets older, how different she is from other kids her age. Sometimes, it is kind of embarrassing and she is hard to take places. I have to plan everything around her nap still. Trying to ensure she gets one or she is unbearable. And if i Nap or lay with her, she will nap for 3+ hours some days.

I have taken her to a psychologist, but the whole time we were there she played in the sandbox and was a perfect angel. The lady seemed like she didn't believe me and my husband about anything we were saying. She said she def is not ADHD because she focused so well there. but as soon as the lady left the office and I went to put my daughters jacket and shoes on, she got mad we were leaving and started hitting and kicking me. My husband bribed her with a sucker to get her to leave quietly and by the time we got her to the car it was a major battle getting her into the carseat. It was like she put on this little angel act inside, made us look like we were insane and then out came the real Rie again LOL

I am not sure who to talk to, who to see or what to do next. I just know we need some help. Especially before kindergarten. If anyone has any experience with similar issues any input is very much appreciated.

Thank you in advanced. and sorry so long. I wanted to make sure I included everything I could to give the whole story.

[beenmum]

You just described my 6 year old daughter. She has Sensory Intergration Disorder. She will only wear yoga pants from Bonny Togs. Will only wear shirts that dont touch the back of her neck. Only wears socks that dont have bumps in them and has worn jeans once in her life.

The learning stuff, she is 4 years old, most of that is age related.

We use Melatonin b/c my DD is visually impaired. That mixed with the sensory issues means she wakes up up to 20 times a night and will stay awake from 3 am until 3 pm and then fall alseep for 5 hours. ITs was a horrible cycle until we did the Melatonin.

Naptime is not unsual for kids to stop around her age.

If you are using both extended release melatonin and the regualr melatonin then she should get enough sleep that nap time wont be such an issue and you cann stop that battle.

See a developmental Ped. We see one for VI kids and she is the one who rx'd the time released melatonin

[Emmeline II]

I would call an OT today to deal with her sensory issues; it is probably the easiest thing to do first. You may also get some benefit from reading "The Sensory Smart Child".

Then I would look for a developmental pediatrician; it can take awhile to get an appointment-- we had our ds examined here Center of Hope for Child Development. My son can focus quietly on legos or video games for hours but he still clearly has ADHD--his psychiatrist saw it right away though he went straight to her toys and started playing. If preschool is an option for you, you may want to try it if only to have a third party opinion on your dd's behavior to report to the next Dr.; I had ds' conduct reports from K with me when I went to the psychiatrist as well as his OT evaluation. When he had it DP evaluation they had his 1st grade teacher fill out an observation form as well. If you have video on your cell it may be a good way to get video of your dd without her noticing.

We also use the time-released melatonin for ds; it would sometimes take hours for him to fall asleep.

[dandygarnet]

My son is ADD as well, he was diagnosed at the age of 7, I wish I had accepted the signs sooner. My husband is a psychotherapist and we tried everything. I would read as much as you can about the subject of ADD.  If you have tried behavior modification steps to try to alter her routine into a more appropriate environment it may be time to pursue a diagnosis. Don't give up. Sometimes it takes 2-3 doctors to get a precise diagnosis-- and if I were you I would get a confirmation diganosis as well. There is a great site out there

called totallyadd.com/tools that helps with the diagnosis. You can also access more tools at psychologytoday.com and search out diagnostic tests and even psychology professionals who treat and specialize in ADD. As the parent you have the power to decide how you want to treat the diagnosis. My husband and I tried behavior modification, diet therapy, meditation, calming exercise before finally allowing him to be treated with medications. Listen to your ADD child, if they are complaining about medication side effects take them seriously, its so important to remember that they will react differently to different meds. All in all I applaud you for being so proactive and loving to being so aware of your childs needs. She's lucky to have you for a momma. Good luck! - Sara

[Riesmommy22]

Thank you so much for your quick replies! I am glad I am not alone in this. It is hard when others around you with children without "issues" just don't get it. I am going to look into a developmental ped...I have KAISER, do you think that will be an issue? I will have to call them and see if they even have developmental peds. I may have to just start with her regular one. I know I can get an OT rec through her regular ped I have an appt to do that, so I will go over both. Video is a good idea. I can def get the video of her being violent with me.

Where can I find extended release melatonin? I just have the regular liquid drops.

Thank you dandygarnet I am going to look into that website as well

@beenmum I know most kids her age don't nap, but without one she is unbearable. Hopefully the extended release melatonin will give her a better nights rest and we can start eliminating the need for a nap. Or at least such a long nap.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Riesmommy22 
@beenmum I know most kids her age don't nap, but without one she is unbearable. Hopefully the extended release melatonin will give her a better nights rest and we can start eliminating the need for a nap. Or at least such a long nap.

It's not as common as regular melatonin--someone here found some at a Walgreens after asking the pharmcist. I ordered mine from amazon http://www.amazon.com/Natrol-Melatonin-Tablets-Release-90-Count/dp/B000U5ZPJ6/ref=pd_sim_hpc_1

[Riesmommy22]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II 

It's not as common as regular melatonin--someone here found some at a Walgreens after asking the pharmcist. I ordered mine from amazon http://www.amazon.com/Natrol-Melatonin-Tablets-Release-90-Count/dp/B000U5ZPJ6/ref=pd_sim_hpc_1

Thank you! This might seem like a silly question, but how do they take it? She is only 4, and has never swallowed a pill before. Do they dissolve? Or do I need to teach her to swallow a pill?
 

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Riesmommy22 

Thank you! This might seem like a silly question, but how do they take it? She is only 4, and has never swallowed a pill before. Do they dissolve? Or do I need to teach her to swallow a pill?

She'll have to swallow the pill.

[beenmum]

I get mine in a pill form that you can open up and mix the contents into juice, water, pudding or yogurt. Its harder to find but worth it if they cant swallow pills.