I need some help with my 2.5 year old...

[LadyCatherine185]

DS1 is driving me just about crazy these days. He won't play with his toys, he doesn't listen to anything I say, he gets into everything, he is aggressive towards his 4 mo brother, and his sleeping is awful. I feel like we have several issues rolled into one, and I don't know what to do!

**What toys/activities does your 2-3 year old like to play with? He likes matchbox cars, art type stuff, blocks, etc but all of those are "boring" to him right now. He is pretty active, likes to play outside, has a bike that he likes to ride, etc. I have tried cycling his toys, suggesting new/different things to do with his toys, etc

**Discipline-wise- how in the world can I get him to listen to me!? I do not have high expectations or a lot of rules.. basically-- don't break things, stay out of the baby's swing, and don't hurt your brother... Right now we do time-out (I typically give him a couple chances, and only do timeout if I tell him not to do something and he does it anyway) and then afterwards we talk about why he was in timeout (he ALWAYS knows why) and say a little prayer, have some hugs, etc. He is very verbal (thousands of words, speaks in complete sentences, etc)

**Obviously, with a new baby in the house he is not getting the attention he once was. But he used to be so good at playing independantly for long periods of time. Now he seems to not want to play at all. Even on the days where we aren't home much, or we go outside and play a lot, as soon as we are back in the house it is the same story.. We used to keep very busy before Ian was born, but now it is not realistic to be out of the house everyday..

Please help mamas! I need some more ideas to keep things running smoothly.. and to try and keep sane. Thanks!

[LadyCatherine185]

wow, nothing?

[physmom]

DD's favorite toys/activities:

-puzzles

-books

-playdough

I'd say 80-90% of our indoor play is one of those three (we get a lot of outdoor play time too).  She also loves water so yesterday, for instance, I set her up at her table (we got her a cheap plastic table so she can do water/dirty activities at) and filled up a measuring cup with water and let her poor it into smaller ones.  We then got her a wash cloth to clean it up with and she could squeeze into the measuring cups again.  Another dirty activity is just giving her a cup of flour and another of water and letting her go at it on the table.  Stickers/coloring are also a big hits but just not up there with her top activities.

Discipline

No clue! DD doesn't listen either.  Are there toddlers exist who listen?  Maybe your youngest will be like that. But I sure didn't get one!  We just repeat ourselves a lot and physically make DD do things (like when she's done with her plate we make her take it in her hands and

we physically walk with her to the kitchen to put it away).  We also have to resort to making up stories/simplified explanations a lot.  DH told DD that if she doesn't brush her teeth little animals are going to come into her mouth (not that much of a lie since that's the best way to explain germs to her).  It worked like a charm and she loves talking about the animals and always wants to brush her teeth after meals.

I can't really help with the younger sibling aspect, hopefully someone else can respond!

[JanineRivera]

I just wanted to chime in to let you know that you are not alone.  It seems like this is normal 2 year old behavior.  I wish my dd would play by herself more often; she always wants someone to play with her which right now is very difficult since I am 3 months pregnant and have had the worst morning sickness.  I am not sure how to coax them into playing with their toys??  We have finally gotten pretty serious about the problem with not listening.  When it really counts we make sure to stop and repeat ourselves asking if she is listening and usually giving some kind of explanation like "if you want to do X then you need to first do Y."  This usually works.  But she of course still does the blatant not listening thing, ugh.  I just have so little patience right now so I am probably not going to be much help to anyone:(  I look forward to hearing what others say too!

[crunchy_mommy]

If you can't get out of the house, can you invite friends over for playdates? For me the only way to survive is to stay very busy, we don't spend much time at home alone at all... DS has almost no interest in toys but will sometimes enjoy crafts (coloring, painting, playdough) and puzzles. We have started playing board games a lot as well, it's his current favorite pastime... He also likes looking through my jewelry boxes and trying everything on, cooking with me or DH, pouring dry beans, and yoga and animal exercises.

I can't say much about discipline, we just lucked out that (despite all our other struggles with him) DS is a pretty good listener. I'm sure that will change 6mos down the line and I'll be eating my words. Our discipline strategies are basically 'don't make rules' and 'let DS do what he wants (within reason) even if it's kind of annoying' haha. We do explain & redirect when necessary, and 'honor the impulse'... So pretty standard stuff that you hear elsewhere on here. He gets tons of attention since DH is laid off & I WAH so... that helps, and I'm dreading DH finding a job lol. Just trying to enjoy this stage while it lasts... I don't know what I'd do in your shoes, that really sounds tough.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

paly doh play doh play doh.  We wouldnt have made it through the winter without it. 

Is it warm where you are yet?  Get some finger paints, big peices of cardboard, strip him of his clothes, and let him go to town.  OUTSIDE.  Then hose him off. 

[LadyCatherine185]

we did playdoh for a little while, which he loved, but after it being broken into tiny pieces and squished into all of his matchbox cars and strewn about the house, DH put the veto on it.

starting to warm up but not quite there yet.. he does great outside but once we come back in he's back to being bored. i can only stay so busy with a 4 mo. we do a playgroup once a week, get together with my sil and 3 yo nephew once a week also. getting out of the house is tough, especially if he is not going to listen to me, and he is a runner, as in- runs away from me.

he used to be content to play with toys for long periods of time but he does not anymore.

i don't have a lot of rules, but i do need him to not hurt his brother.

today i have made a lot of effort to engage him more, and we did some "school" this morning which he loved.. it is just really tough with the baby needing me a lot too....

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I meant for him to be in a controlled space while playing with the playdoh.  LOL  Like my boys sit at the kitchen table.  PERIOD.  (Actually, my 2.5 year old still sits in his highchair, and the 3.5 year old is in a booster seat at the table.  So they cant get out and get play doh all over the house.  Because my husband wouldnt have to veto it, Mama would.  LOL

[crunchy_mommy]

Yeah, maybe it would help you to figure out some setup for messy activities (paint, playdough, flour, water, whatever) -- maybe a booster seat at the kitchen table or an area of the bathroom?? The messy activities tend to be the ones that entertain them the longest so if you could figure out a way to do them, you'll probably be glad!!

Is he too big to wear on your back? I wear DS tons and we go for walks or whatever and I have a friend who wears both her newborn and her 2.5yo at the same time! Or would you be opposed to using a 'leash' or stroller or something else to contain him? I can't imagine not getting out a lot (but I also get my energy from being out...)

Do you have an area where you could set up a sandbox (maybe in the basement)?

What about DVDs -- if you're not into regular kids shows/movies (we aren't) you could get a kid's exercise/dance/sing-a-long video so it's more a tool to be more active than just a show to watch... Occasionally we do Sing Stretch & Shape Up which is pretty much the only video DS has ever watched... Good way to get moving and get energy out even indoors...

I only have 1 kiddo so it's hard for me to relate to what it's like when you have 2+ and I may have no idea what I'm talking about... however, one thing I have casually observed is that often moms of a toddler & a newborn expect the toddler to be more self-sufficient and cooperative once the baby comes along... but of course the older kid still needs lots of 1-on-1 attention. I don't know if that sentiment applies to you but if it does, just reminding yourself that the toddler really does need the attention & interaction just as much (if not more than!) the baby might help your mindset. If he is used to getting out a lot and having lots of stimulation and interaction, then it's a big adjustment for him to learn to entertain himself for long periods of time without the distraction of outings etc. Maybe a loose schedule could help structure his day a bit? Maybe he just doesn't know what to do with himself with so much free time?

[LadyCatherine185]

yes he is too big to wear on my back, he's about 35 lbs, and my 4 mo is around 18 lbs so just wearing him (which I end up doing a lot...) hurts my back. But if we go outside/out somewhere toddler is in the stroller and baby is in the ergo. we have tried the leash thing, and it was a disaster.. he just kept purposely falling down and trying to run away.. it was like a game to him.

we did try the "playdoh at the kitchen table" but somehow little pieces still ended up everywhere..lol. but I do like the idea of using a highchair for "messy play" and will probably bring it back out and let him do one "messy" thing a day in it.... right now he just sits at the table to eat/play in a regular chair..

our house is pretty small and we don't really have anywhere inside we could do a sandbox, but I am thinking of getting one for the yard.

you are def right crunchymom, it has been a big adjustment.. however he used to play a lot by himself in the house (this summer it was 100+ most days so we didn't go out much) but recently he doesn't want to at all.. I have been really trying hard today to interact more, and we went outside for about an hour and went for a walk and played in the yard, and so far today is going well. of course my 4 mo is being super fussy.. ahh can't win them all I guess ;)

"I only have 1 kiddo so it's hard for me to relate to what it's like when you have 2+ and I may have no idea what I'm talking about... however, one thing I have casually observed is that often moms of a toddler & a newborn expect the toddler to be more self-sufficient and cooperative once the baby comes along... but of course the older kid still needs lots of 1-on-1 attention. I don't know if that sentiment applies to you but if it does, just reminding yourself that the toddler really does need the attention & interaction just as much (if not more than!) the baby might help your mindset. If he is used to getting out a lot and having lots of stimulation and interaction, then it's a big adjustment for him to learn to entertain himself for long periods of time without the distraction of outings etc. Maybe a loose schedule could help structure his day a bit? Maybe he just doesn't know what to do with himself with so much free time?"
 

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Yyoyou you are 

[sapphire_chan]

Have you heard of the equilibrium/disequilibrium cycle? Kids change over about every 6 months, and it's generally lined up around birthdays and half years. Some kids are a lot easier near their birthdays, others are extra frustrating then.

So, for us, a year was tough, 18 months was great, 2 was tough, 2.5 is a lot easier.

For messy things, I got a big vinyl picnic table cloth. We spread that out on the floor before the messy things even come out. DD always spills something in her lap when she eats at a table, heck, so do I, so I have no idea how anyone ever keeps mess on a table.

Remember also that even if he understands why he got a time out it doesn't mean he has the impulse control to avoid doing the exact same thing again 5 minutes later. The under 5 set require a lot of what's known as 'get off your butt' parenting. Where you need to be prepared to physically (gently!) remove them from anything that absolutely isn't allowed.  That's harder with another baby to care for, but you can mitigate that by increasing the amount of childproofing you do. Even if you put away most of the stuff that is a constant source of frustration, there will still be plenty of chances to teach about how to respect property.

[crunchy_mommy]

I would imagine that he used to play by himself because when he WASN'T playing alone he had your undivided attention? And I only mention this again because I don't think it sounds like anything abnormal, that he used to play alone and now he doesn't, just that he's adjusting... also perhaps since he's a bit older now, his need for socialization has increased? Just a thought!

Empty bathtub could be another place for messy activities -- painting, pouring, etc.

I hope things get easier for you!!! I'm terrified of having a second child!!