X relocating

[PatienceAndLove]

Well, I was hired for a job in Indiana and I submitted a petition to modify our current custody order for me and DD to relocate. It was denied.

X has just (as in 10 minutes ago) informed me that he is relocating from Steubenville to the Cleveland area, and that I need to meet him for custody exchange this weekend there.  For me to move from Meadville to Erie (less than 50 miles) I have to apply for relocation and hope it gets OK-ed.

OH! And he's engaged! I didn't even know he was dating anyone.  I have been dating J since Jan 2010, and X was notified of this.  He had a background check run.  I have never met fiancee, and she is going to be living with him!

Lawyer has already been contacted regarding what action needs to take place.

This is just another incident in a long line of crap, and nothing ever happens.  SO ANGRY!

[rubelin]

I'm pretty sure that both parents must apply for relocation when there's a visitation/custody plan filed.

And you have every right to do a background check on the new fiancee, if you can get her name =)

[Goodmom2008]

Your ex doesn't have to file for relocation since he is not taking the child with him.  And his move, if the move is the same distance as the move you wanted, may help you in your bid to move.  If not, I would at least file for a modification of parenting time if the distance is enough that a long-distance parenting plan needs to be put in place.  I would also insist that he pays for the increased cost of transportation that his move caused.

[One_Girl]

I think you should file for him to be responsible for pick up and drop off since it is his decision to move.  Modifying the custody plan and reapplying for a move for yourself may also be a good idea if the job is still on the table if his move is so far away that it warrants a long distance parenting plan even if you did stay where you are at. 

[PatienceAndLove]

The job offer in Indiana is no longer on the table. I had to turn it down when relocation was denied.

I finally was offered a job locally, and  I am currently commuting 50+ miles each way for work because I was told that if I file for relocation again (even just to move to Erie, 30 miles away) I will lose my child and become a "weekend mom".

As it stands, we have 50/50 custody.  I have her during the school year and he sees her every other weekend + the entire summer.

His move doesn't change the distance between us since it's already 210 miles between he (Steubenville, OH) and I (Meadville,PA).  We already meet halfway between the two of us.

I don't understand how he does not need to file relocation if I do.  We share 50/50 custody, meaning that both of us have to abide by the same rules.  If I was the primary physical custody parent, then I can see how he wouldn't have to file.  But with the way things are, and with his pushing in the past to maintain 50/0 custody, it is suspicious if he does not have to file for relocation.

I got an email back from the lawyer and I need to talk to her tomorrow.  I am hoping that he will be unable to relocate without following proper protocol.

[BabyBearsMummy]

Since the distance between the two homes is still roughly the same. I would hope the worst case scenario is that you will still be required to meet him half way. Best case you hopefully will now be able to move to Erie and cut down on your daily commute time. If you share 50/50 same rules should apply for "goose" and "gander"

[Ione]

Yes, his move should help you relocate. Just going on what I can see in Google Maps.

With him in Steubenville, your moving to Erie would have added about, what?, 30 miles of distance between you--in the opposite direction.

Once he moves to 

Cleveland, your moving from Meadville to Erie does very little to change the total distance between you and him (according to Google maps and the route taken, that distance can be as little as a couple of miles).

Plus, since you're already splitting the driving and meeting "half way", the half way point needs to change. Maybe to Ashtabula or the intersection of 90 and hwy 11. Which looks to be the same distance from Meadville and Erie.

When you talk to your lawyer, bring in a map with the current meeting point circled, the route between you & that spot highlighted (and the distance in miles), and his route between the meeting point and his pre-relocation address highlighted (and the distance in miles).

And mark a new half-way meeting point after his move to Cleveland. And the route from your home now to there marked (w/distance in miles), and the route from Erie (if that's where you want to be) to that point.

Compare the numbers.

It might be better for you to not oppose his relocation. If his doing so creates conditions that would make your moving to where you want to be into a "better geographic situation" than the one created by his moving. That way, your desired move would be seen as a positive, he could not legitimately object to it and prevail. Hopefully.

Does that make sense?

As a general rule, if his move shortens the distance between your homes, you don't really have grounds to object that are based on the best interests of your child. (All you have is "procedural" stuff. And you really don't want to look unreasonable and nit-picky in the eyes of the court if you want it to approve your move too.) And, if you want to move somewhere that further improves things AFTER he changed them, it gets harder for him to object.

Of course, if you want to move somewhere that makes the distance between you guys bigger, then none of that reasoning holds.

[PatienceAndLove]

Thanks for the realistic side of everything ladies.

I talked to the lawyer, and as a PP mentioned, because he only has her every other weekend and the entire summer, he does not have to file for relocation because it does not affect where she goes to school.

*sigh* I am still frustrated, but it looks like I have to go along with it.

As another PP mentioned- it seems like it should be goose and gander since we are 50/50.  Oh well. 

Thanks ladies

[Goodmom2008]

So you can't move.  And it's already established that you split the drive.  Don't let him change the exchange spot unless it is convenient for you and cuts out the commute time for the kids.  Tell him you will be at the usual place.  When you get there purchase something.  Wait 30 minutes and if he doesn't show, then purchase something and leave.  Save both receipts.  It will prove that you were in the area, at what time and how long you waited. 

Of course, he could pick up the kids and then refuse to  bring them back saying that you have to come and get them.  If he does this, simply send him an e-mail stating that he since he apparently wants to change the way transportation is handled, he will now have to come all the way to where you are to pick up the kids.  You will have the kids ready at the usual time.  And you will then pick up the kids where he is at the usual time.  This way, the transportation is still split the same.  But before doing this, I would take a long look at your court order regarding transportation and discuss it with your attorney.  The one thing you don't want to do is give him grounds for a contempt order.  Let him be in contempt. 

[PatienceAndLove]

Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 

So you can't move.  And it's already established that you split the drive.  Don't let him change the exchange spot unless it is convenient for you and cuts out the commute time for the kids.  Tell him you will be at the usual place.  When you get there purchase something.  Wait 30 minutes and if he doesn't show, then purchase something and leave.  Save both receipts.  It will prove that you were in the area, at what time and how long you waited. 

Of course, he could pick up the kids and then refuse to  bring them back saying that you have to come and get them.  If he does this, simply send him an e-mail stating that he since he apparently wants to change the way transportation is handled, he will now have to come all the way to where you are to pick up the kids.  You will have the kids ready at the usual time.  And you will then pick up the kids where he is at the usual time.  This way, the transportation is still split the same.  But before doing this, I would take a long look at your court order regarding transportation and discuss it with your attorney.  The one thing you don't want to do is give him grounds for a contempt order.  Let him be in contempt. 

1) There is currently no agreed upon exchange spot.  I had it put into the order that is currently waiting to get signed by the judge.  But since has now moved, that place is null-in-void because it is out of the way for both of us.  And, since he notified me of the move, I cannot force him to the old exchange spot.

2) There is only one child

3) He doesn't have email.  He doesn't even have voicemail on his cell phone.

4) My plan is to let him hang himself.  He is already doing a wonderful job of it.

[Goodmom2008]

Well, do you have an address that you can send a letter to?  What you can do, since there is no agreed upon exchange spot is pick a new one that is at the halfway point (just make sure that there is a store there, preferably one where you can buy something small and cheap).  Call him and let him know of the new exchange spot and follow up with a letter (be sure to send it certified, return receipt requested as you want proof that he received it) and then do what I suggested above.  My suspicion is that he is trying to get you to do all of the driving, one way to avoid that if he doesn't agree to the new exchange spot is to have him go all the way to where you live to pick the kid up and vice versa on the return. 

[PatienceAndLove]

Already agreed upon a spot, already emailed the lawyers with the change of exchange location.