If you have had multiple births- fears to move past-

[lapoucelle]

Hey everyone!

I'm new here and haven't posted much. I'm 8 months pregnant with #3 and have been having a very hard time reconciling with my fears. I finally recognized that I was trying to deal with everything with external preparation and realized what I really needed was to go within and figure out WHY I was having so much fear.

My first two where both vaginal-unmedicated deliveries. One in a hospital setting and the second at home. I keep thinking that I should be fine, I've done this! But I realized that all my fear stems from the fear I had during the pushing phase with my second. My first was born on her due date and just shy of 6 lbs. The pushing part was hard work, but I don't recall feeling any real pain, just incredible uncomfortableness. My second was born at home and was 9lb 8oz, in the pushing stage I began to feel my bones push apart and was griped with fear-it wasn't something I experienced the first time and I hadn't read it in any books, etc.. sure I understood logically that the bones are flexible for birth, but I never FELT it before and it really scared me. Once she was fully crowned I had that ring of fire burning, another aspect of childbirth I hadn't previously encountered.

Now I am really scared. My third is due on May 11th and is somewhere in between my other two in size (thank goodness).

If you have had multiple births, I really would like to know did you feel your bones push apart like this every time? It was so

alarmingly difficult for me I feel like I need to know so that I can prepare myself for it this time and can come up with coping mechanisms.

Thanks so much in advance!

Lara

[lapoucelle]

update here: I got a call from my midwife. From anyone else who has experienced this, she said that some women do permanently widen and others go back. So the chance for it happening again is there, and I am working on acknowledging the fear, the normalcy of it, and also in visualization and positive affirmations to prepare me. I hope that helps anyone else-

[Clover Honey]

I didn't experience the feeling of bone moving in either of my births (pushing phase for each was over 2-3 hours, 9lbs and then 9lbs 4oz), but I did experience a 4th degree tear - so I'm sure my bones were being moved (and there was much evidence of that on DS's poor head).  My point is, each birth is different.  I tore, and didn't even know it.  I would take it as a good sign that your bones are mobile, take heart.  You can do it again, you've done it before, but there's a chance it will be much different.  I also prepared for my 2nd with Hypnobabies home study course and found this to be emotionally soothing - especially daily positive affirmations as I drove, cleaned, slept.  Best wishes to you for a gentle birth.

[raelize]

my second (both were hb) came out hand first, so pushing her out involved pushing out her head AND shoulders together.  after her hand came out, her head AND one shoulder came out together.  it was so painful i really thought i was splitting in half. i remember asking my mw during the pushign stage if i was ok, that i thought i was splitting in half.  i ended up without a tear at all and she was smaller than dd1. i wouldn't have been surprised if i had had fourth degree in all directions.

i did not experience that kind of pain with my first. 

i am not pregnant now, but i don't think that i would be worried about that if i was.  the odds are your baby was in a strange position and that was why you felt that pain and chances are really small that the baby would be in a similar position this time.

[lapoucelle]

Thanks for the support ladies! I'm feeling a bit better about it already. Clover- you're right, my body was only doing what it was meant to do and it can do it again! I'm continuing to work through this with visualization etc.. thanx again-

warmly, Lara

[Jynuine]

Hi Lara! You are only a due a few days before me. :)

I wrote this long fantastic post and then.. my laptop shut off due to my battery DYING (fun!) So here's the breakdown version of what I wrote.

Im due May 13th with my 7th and the part that makes me most nervous is the pushing part, too. Each pregnancy IS different. If it's not tearing, it's another thing- so don't worry, if you dont worry about this it will be replaced with something else, lol!

My youngest is only 19 mos old- so her birth is fresh in my mind. It was a beautiful waterbirth and I wasnt in any real pain until my water broke... which, then, it only took 5 minutes for her to come. The key word there is 'Skid marks'. It's like tearing, but- it's scraping the skin on the inside. I think our solutions are more or less to try and slow down the crowning process however we can. Guided imagery, breathing techniques- whatever! But I know at least you can do some perineal massage starting now to help your outcome with stretching.

Waterbirths are also very perineum friendly. As long as you arent in the water for TOO too long, the rates of tearing and needed epis. are low in waterbirths. I wish you the best of luck! Bring a good vial of olive oil if your midwife doesnt already use it- it's fantastic for birthing!

[lapoucelle]

Originally Posted by Jynuine 

Hi Lara! You are only a due a few days before me. :)

I wrote this long fantastic post and then.. my laptop shut off due to my battery DYING (fun!) So here's the breakdown version of what I wrote.

Im due May 13th with my 7th and the part that makes me most nervous is the pushing part, too. Each pregnancy IS different. If it's not tearing, it's another thing- so don't worry, if you dont worry about this it will be replaced with something else, lol!

My youngest is only 19 mos old- so her birth is fresh in my mind. It was a beautiful waterbirth and I wasnt in any real pain until my water broke... which, then, it only took 5 minutes for her to come. The key word there is 'Skid marks'. It's like tearing, but- it's scraping the skin on the inside. I think our solutions are more or less to try and slow down the crowning process however we can. Guided imagery, breathing techniques- whatever! But I know at least you can do some perineal massage starting now to help your outcome with stretching.

Waterbirths are also very perineum friendly. As long as you arent in the water for TOO too long, the rates of tearing and needed epis. are low in waterbirths. I wish you the best of luck! Bring a good vial of olive oil if your midwife doesnt already use it- it's fantastic for birthing!

Thanks so much for your response! We are also focusing on a slower pushing crowning process. Much more on breathing the baby down and out. I really appreciate your reply-just knowing that others have similar anxieties helps.

Have a great week!

Warmly, Lara
 

[happyblessedmama]

I've never felt that at all and delivered some decently sized babies (8#10, 8#11, 9#3... my 9#10 was a c-section for reasons unrelated to his size)